Cecil Murphey believes that once you can start talking about it, you become an instrument of your own healing.
I don’t know how he got my telephone number and he never told me his name. As soon as I identified myself, he blurted: “Why should a man tell anyone about his abuse?”
“He doesn’t need to tell anyone. He can keep it a secret until he dies,” I said.
“But talking is just talking—just mere words.”
Certain he was referring to himself, I asked, “Have you ever told anyone?”
After a long silence, he mumbled, “No.”
“Suppose I had a tumor inside my body,” I said. “I could live with that a long time as it slowly grew. But I’d be aware and have some discomfort or even a lot of pain. And suppose the tumor wasn’t operable. Then what?”
He didn’t respond, so I continued. “You might use medication to shrink that tumor. It would likely take place over a period of time, but you could do it.”
“So you think that’s what talking does?”
“It worked for me,” I said, “…and for many men who’ve talked with me.”
Before we hung up. I gave him one of my original maxims: I know of myself only what I say of myself. By that I meant, we have to speak the words of our pain to someone else for the healing to begin. “Survivors need other people,” I told him.
“If you don’t want to start with a spouse or a good male friend, go to a professional. Once you can start talking about it, you become an instrument of your own healing. You enlist others. Each time you’re able to talk about it…”
“The more effective it is, right?”
I tried to explain that we’ve been created to connect with other humans. And with a basic need to be understood by others. I’m convinced that as I enable others to understand me, I also learn to understand myself.
***
Cecil Murphey has written two books on sexual abuse. The first was When a Man You Love Was Abused and Not Quite Healed. He is the author or co-author of several best-selling books including 90 Minutes in Heaven, which was on The New York Times’ best-seller list for five years and Gifted Hands: the Ben Carson Story.
Posted by 1in6, Inc. More information available at www.1in6.org.
The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. 1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.
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–Originally published on 1in6.org
–Photo: Anthony Gattine [www.AnthonyGattine.com]/Flickr
Good info. Men need to talk and share.
I am almost 40, going through PTSD because of a failed marriage and reliving all the worst bits of my childhood, and that is a lot of bad bits. I sat down with my parents over Christmas and told them about some of the things that happened to me as a kid and it’s probably the most relieving thing I have ever done. I have linked part of my story below but I found out that the school pricipal who strangled me also went on to hurt my sister a few years later, out of that I now have a… Read more »
Love Cecil, this is simply beautiful and thanks!