Adopting a child internationally is difficult. Being married men and trying to adopt a child from Russia is on a whole different level. Here’s the story of Demyan Martyushev and Mikhail Shishko.
—
By Yoona Ha
When Demyan Martyushev and Mikhail Shishko exchanged gold engagement rings in late December, they were optimistic of adopting a child who would grow up in their Lakeview home. Amid the pro-LGBTQ legislation sweeping across the country and Chicago being one of the few cities receiving a perfect score on the LGBTQ acceptance rate, the soon-to-be-married couple thought, “Why not try and adopt?”
Despite an uneven legal landscape across the country, Illinois moved to becoming the 16th state to allow gay marriage in June and has expanded its adoption policies to allow gay or lesbian individuals and couples not only to petition for adoption but also to jointly petition to adopt. In addition, about 19 percent of same-sex couples have reportedly adopted a child, which reflects an 11 percent increase in nine years, according to Census data from 2009.
But Martyushev and Shishko faced significant legal hurdles when they looked into adopting internationally, especially from Russia.
“Two years ago, President Vladimir V. Putin signed a bill that bans the adoption of Russian children by American citizens.”
|
The couple’s decision to adopt a child from Russia came naturally. Martyushev grew up in Kiev, Ukraine them moved to the U.S. when he was 15 and Shishko grew up in what he calls a “traditional but open-minded Russian household,” here. They met in 2002 at Ann’s Bakery and Deli, a Ukrainian and Russian bakery in Ukrainian Village.
“But we were quickly let down when we discovered that there was no way we could legally reach an adoption agency that could allow us adopt a child from Russia,” said Shishko, a 36-year-old retail store manager in Wicker Park.
Two years ago, President Vladimir V. Putin signed a bill that bans the adoption of Russian children by American citizens. Last December, the bill was signed into law therefore, eliminating any prospects that any new couple, same-sex or opposite-sex could adopt children from Russia in the near future.
“It’s really a mixed bag when it comes to international adoption,” said Rick Garcia, policy director for the Civil Rights Agenda, the state’s largest LGBTQ advocacy organization based in Chicago.
Currently there are 15 countries that allow for same-sex couples to file for joint adoption, just as married couples can.
While legal challenges exist for couples that want to adopt from specific countries like Russia, Garcia said Illinois has been moving in the right direction when it comes to recognizing gay and lesbian parental rights.
It’s been Martyushev and Shishko’s second year of looking for alternative methods to adopt a Russian child, but now the couple is looking to adopt domestically after the marriage equality law passes in June.
Children’s Home & Aid, an Illinois adoption agency is one of the three adoption agencies that has received a seal of recognition from the Human Rights Campaign Foundation for being fully welcoming of LGBT individuals and families willing to adopt.
“We don’t discriminate against individuals and couples willing to adopt from our agency no matter what their sexual orientation is,” said Peggy Franklin program director of adoption and child and family counseling services at Children’s Home & Aid.
A majority of the adoption agency’s successful adoptions were what Franklin refers as “adoption conversions” in which the foster family adopts the child placed in the foster family’s home. But there are several other options that include domestic adoption, international adoption and private adoption, in which the adopting parent finds a child to adopt without the help of the sponsoring adoption agency.
Adoption is known to be arduous process that can take from months at earliest and even years, but census data has shown that a growing number of same-sex couples are adopting.
“She had to die alone because Florida law didn’t recognize the other partner or child as someone who could legally come in to assist her.”
|
“There are big and little roadblocks that still await gay and lesbian couples,” said Garcia.
Traveling while being a same-sex parent can be a difficult and intimidating task, especially since some states like Missouri do not recognize a gay or lesbian couple’s civil union or marriage status. Even if a couple had all the appropriate documents pertaining to their legal relationship status and their child, crossing the wrong state boundary can cause panic among same-sex couples who travel.
Garcia recalled an incident where a lesbian couple who traveled to Florida for a Disney trip with their adopted child faced a drastic situation when one of the mothers fell unconscious due to a brain aneurism.
“She had to die alone because Florida law didn’t recognize the other partner or child as someone who could legally come in to assist her,” said Garcia.
Emergency incidents like this still strike fear into traveling same-sex couples.
“It’s another thing to worry about besides dealing with the prejudice that’s against you,” said Martyushev. “People have this skewed perception that it’s unholy or morally wrong for a child to have two dads or two moms.”
But several recent studies have dispelled this popular misconception that surrounds LGBT parents.
In a study released by researchers from East Carolina University in 2009, the results showed that gay or straight, the sexual orientation of adoptive parents shows no impact on the emotional development of their children.
Martyushev and Shishko are still waiting for the day they finally have a child in their family.
“Even if it’s not possible that we can adopt from Russia we will still be grateful of being introduced to a new child into our lives no matter what his or her background is,” said Martyushev.
Like the Good Men Project on Facebook!
–Photo: world gay marriage equality laws, wikimedia commons