Donald D’Haene looks at gay pride celebrations from two very different points of view.
My best friend for a quarter century has been “out of the closet” all of his life. Me — since I was 26.
We find we agree on almost everything except Mariah Carey, Katy Perry and gay pride. Our opinions on Carey and Perry are insubstantial.
Pride is another matter.
He calls Pride “a bunch of half-naked gays taking up space on a main street — why bother?” I say it is one of the most important celebrations a gay or lesbian may choose to partake in. How can two people who are so close have such differing views?
I believe it has to do, in part, with the fact that we each came out so differently. My friend was born out; I had major orientation confusion until my mid-20s.
But there were many other factors:
- I was raised in a rural area in a fundamentalist religion, whereas my friend was a city boy raised by liberal-minded parents.
- I never met an open-practising homosexual until I first entered a gay bar at 25. My friend had gay family role models.
- When I finally figured out I was gay, I wanted to shout it to the world. For my friend it was just another day in his life; there was no milestone, no turning point.
I found the label “gay” something to be proud of. The first quarter century of my confusion and pain needed a day of reckoning. My quest since coming out has been to be a positive, healthy example of a homosexual life style — well, as much as humanly possible.
When people think of me, I hope they think of the human being first and what that means. The gay label is just one small part of the big picture. But take it away and I wouldn’t be me.
My friend thinks some make a spectacle of themselves on Gay Pride Day. Well, “some of us gotta do what we gotta do!” I shoot back. He says, “You don’t see other minorities having parades.”
I don’t agree on both counts. I don’t consider myself a minority — just part of the human race. And I feel there is no difference between the importance of our Pride Day, its origin being the Stonewall riots of ’69, and the 1960s Afro-American civil right marches. At that time their marches were also considered radical gatherings.
What my friend and I do agree on is that we believe we are living proof that our orientation is as much a part of us as the skin colour we were genetically given. We don’t think our orientation is up for debate.
The problem is there are still a lot of people who don’t agree with us. Even though we believe that is their problem, that they should “get with the program,” I differ from my friend in that I feel we still need Gay Pride days to show the world we are what we are and we’re here to stay.
Certainly in many parts of the world we have found acceptance but the images of solidarity can mean a great deal to an individual experiencing “pride” in solitude.
For example I have pen pal from the Ivory Coast who is studying in Ghana. He envies our freedom as he writes, “gay interaction is illegal here.”
But I understand why my friend doesn’t have a similar desire to proclaim his sexuality on any given day. He’s been doing it all his life. In his own unique way, he’s been proclaiming his gay pride every day of the year.
Because I was a caged bird growing up, I’m the one who had the desire and need to sing it in a pubic manner. I guess I was trying to make up for lost time.
Where I have to give my friend some credit is that the spirit of Gay Pride day, although positive and moving in itself, is not always displayed by all members of the gay community year round. But what group of humans doesn’t have similar growing pains? Our differences are what make us, as individuals, unique.
I respect my friend’s point of view.
He appreciates my desire to celebrate Gay Pride day (even if it’s as simple as supporting a parade passing by!) in view of the long journey it took me to get to the place where I could be proud of my sexuality.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering — while my friend is watching the latest Mariah Carey video, I’m listening to Katy Perry’s song “Firework” playing on my headphones.
Ironically, I’m trying to resist the urge to message him, “Can you tell your Mariah, ‘Put some clothes on!'”
Cartoon by Carlos Latuff
Top photo: Guillaume Paumier/Flickr
And BTW, thank you for letting my responses through. Not meant to be sarcastic.
And your depiction “cartoon” is insulting to every person of faith and only furthers the stereotyping of people and their faith. You are perpetuating that which is a minority “Westboro” views. Do you feel better when you depict people and their faith this way? No different then the fanatics depicting gays in negative light, is it? Oh and why didn’t the books in their hands reflect a “Qur’an” or a Torah? Both of which hold the same views. Maybe because it would be “Anti-Semite” or “anti-Islam” and shown as hate? But it’s okay to do it with Christians, yes? Which… Read more »
Ahhhh, that explains your use of the phrase “sexual interests” in your earlier reply: you feel you’re being lumped in with those who use their (your) faith as an excuse for bigotry and hatred. Here’s the thing, Tom: you’ve got a fair point in there—your religion has been hijacked—but until you pitch in and do a whole hell of a lot more than whining “Eeeeeeee, no fair! Eeeeeee, we’re Not All Like That™! Eeeeee, they’re not real Christians! Eeeeeee, you’re stereotyping!”, you can and will be lumped in with the fanatics, because your silence is your complicity.
…and just to clarify: when I say “your silence”, I mean your failure to call out your fellow Christians on their bigotry and hatred and malevolence. You’re not actually silent—you’re making plenty of noise about those gay-pride parades you don’t like and don’t comprehend.
Actually my use of the term “interests” was unintended but since you brought it up, it was good that I did because that is what much of the pride parade exhibits. But that aside, I have no problem any term you’d like …. And you proved my point that part of the problem is that many “think” I/we are silent. Why, because main stream media likes to vilify and say we are? For years I heard how the Catholic church, for example, was so unwelcoming to gays yet it was a group of Catholic nuns that built one of the… Read more »
“Oh and why didn’t the books in their hands reflect a “Qur’an” or a Torah?”
Who knows. Maybe because Christians are the majority in most western Countries? I agree Christians (or anyone else) should not be vilified. We can see where it comes from, though.
I’ve always been confused. “I want to be treated the same as everyone else” but I’m going to celebrate my differences and point out how I’m different? Be prideful as a good human being, does it really matter what your sexual interests are? Why does our sexual orientation have to identify who we are? My thought process here has to do with our views of men. What defines masculinity? What defines a man as a man? How many times have we read articles here that reiterate a man is a man because of who he is personally … I’ve yet… Read more »
Tom, you’re making the poorly-informed error of confusing sexual orientation with sexual interests. They are not the same, though the latter does tend to flow from the former. Please go and educate yourself; this is a good place to start.
“I’ve always been confused. “I want to be treated the same as everyone else” but I’m going to celebrate my differences and point out how I’m different?” Eh. We have to have the same rights and the same value as humans. But we have many differences. These differences have to be acknowledged and equalized – be treated just as “normal” as the “standard” rules and qualities. Some of these differences are still looked down upon, ignored or ridiculed. It’s pride in the sense of not letting anyone hurt your dignity no more. It’s pride in the sense that it is… Read more »
I love this quote below especially the last line as Gay Pride means millions of unique things to millions of unique people. People have died so that we wouldn’t be judged for our choices. My hope is that we stop judging each others’ choices in relation to Pride.
“If Halloween is Gay Christmas and the Oscars is the Gay Super Bowl, then Pride is Gay Fourth of July. There are picnics and fireworks and lots of drinking and it’s all about freedom! Pride isn’t really one single occurrence. ” – Brian Moylan
“I respect my friend’s point of view”
I surely don’t; it’s not a respectable point of view. He needs to read this as many times as it takes. He’s welcome to prefer not to attend any parades. He can be as resolutely unfestive as he wants all Pride season long. He may not have a free pass for his thoughtless, self-centred, narrowminded and scornful kvetching, which plays directly into the hand of powerful homophobes.
sorry I thought I replied but I made a new comment..see below..thanks!