Offering encouragement in a discouraging world can be a revolutionary act. If you want to change someone’s attitude, start with your own.
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I am not a motivational speaker.
Anger, and my lack of ability to regulate it, along with the rest of my responses to external stimuli, has affected me to the point of nervous breakdowns and emotional outbursts fueled by paranoid delusions that the world is “out to get me.” A friend of mine once said during one of these episodes that, “The world is not out to get you, everyone is just in it for themselves.” It gave me some perspective that I had been taking things personally, while turning a blind eye to my own selfish behaviors. This has affected my work environments, relationships, and family.
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It’s easy to point the finger and place blame on external sources of negativity, but taking responsibility for our own behaviors directly affects how those external sources respond to us.
Each of us serves a purpose in this world, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
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I’m not saying you have be like Stuart Smalley, sitting in front of a mirror saying “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me!” Let’s be realistic, Stuart Smalley is quite literally a joke. The character is a parody of people that cling to the crutch of thinking with a positive attitude to the point it’s as toxic to themselves as self-degradation. Stuart’s got it all backwards. We should be telling others those classic affirmations.
We also need to recognize where we fall short in order to improve. That can’t be swept under a rug made of narcissism and self-admiration. At the same time, nobody likes being told where we fall short. In fact, modern society has constructed infinite reminders that we aren’t smart enough, good enough, and dog-gone it, that’s why people don’t like us.
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A culture where everyone gets a trophy doesn’t produce champions. With that being said, champions rise out of working together to achieve their goals, giving credit where it’s due along the way and fostering faith in ourselves through mutual gratitude. A piece of wisdom one of my high school football coaches gave me was that, “You’re only as strong as your weakest link.” Even championship teams have practice squads, tackling dummies, and cheerleaders. Each of us serves a purpose in this world, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
Instead of focusing on the weaknesses of others, look for where they excel, and compliment their abilities.
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Group projects and teamwork situations deteriorate with the loss of morale. There will come a time when we all have to lead, follow, or get out of the way. Know your place when that time comes, and respond appropriately. If someone is picking up your slack, show your gratitude or they’ll likely show their resentment. We are in a constant battle for resources, which often pits us against each other. But a chain, while only as strong as it’s weakest link, only serves it’s purpose when it operates as the sum of all it’s parts. We’re all in this together. When it seems as if your redeeming qualities are overlooked by others, point to theirs.
Taking responsibility for our attitude and encouraging those around us breaks the cycle of discouragement. Instead of focusing on the weaknesses of others, look for where they excel, and compliment their abilities. This story of a Florida teacher that starts his special education classes with 10 minutes of complimenting his students reveals that the reaction from them is mutually beneficial. Both encouragement and discouragement are contagious. The reassurance he offers his students is exchanged back through the interactions they have with each other. The encouragement and compliments are reflected on his teaching. This simple practice in a segregated educational environment where they would normally be outcast by the general education students, has fostered participation in school activities, sports, and social events. Each of us is a tooth in the gears that run the machine.
Your browsing of Good Men Project exemplifies your motivation to recognize there is always room to improve yourself. By simply acknowledging your shortcomings and accepting yourself as imperfect, you’re already displaying your ambition to change for the better. Good job, keep up the good work!
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Photo: Getty Images