Aleasa Word explains how the Chapter II for Men Program helps adults redefine purpose and set new goals that we should be working on in the lives of boys.
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As a coach and small business consultant my beginnings required that I decide on a niche that not only felt comfortable but one where I personally felt I could make the greatest impact. Chapter II Living is a platform I’ve had great opportunity to help some wonderful people through; but in doing so, the realization of the assistance needed by many of our men came to light and I knew it was a responsibility I needed and wanted to take on to do something about it for my sons and all of the sons of tomorrow. This is also the reason I am a strong supporter of the Good Men Project.
When boys grow up, they are looked at as cute all through grade school. Once they reach middle school and transition into the awkwardness that we all endure in one way or another, a very of interesting changes happen to society’s view of them. The once adorable little boy that needed an extra watchful eye or a hug “just because” becomes this person that we feel no longer needs us as much. Hugs become less frequent, less attention is paid to their emotional needs and far less to their vulnerabilities. By the time they reach high school, many are left on their own emotionally to simply find their way in life, love, sex and career.
For some boys, they have what we’d consider to be a natural leader in them that serves as a compass pointing them in a positive direction no matter what they’re doing. For many others, however, the road is not so clear. They may follow their parent’s desires for their education or career development or just land in a job because they need to pay bills. They may in some cases seek to fulfill human need for intimacy and sexual relief without consideration of the needs of those they are involved with. They aren’t asked questions about their dreams or desires but instead looked at as the rock that the world relies on. They are considered the pillar on which we depend and supposed to know the answers to all things because they are, after all…. A MAN!
In families that understand the must in nurturing these needs, they either rely on their own strengths to find ways to meet them or commit to working with organizations like Raising Great Men to assist them with proper planning for achievement and development of their sons. For those who are dealing with their own challenges the cues to do more and do differently can be missed.
When the boy becomes the man that only exists but excels in his career, it is assumed he is living his dream and happy with the world. In my practice I’ve found the opposite to be true more times than not. Many men aren’t happy in their career but it is the butter that spreads the bread of life for all they support. It pays the bills, keeps the mate happy and puts food on the table. Unfulfilled dreams and goals of being something other than what they are may be kept private or at best never taken seriously by others because they are established and to change now would make people look at them like they’ve lost their minds. Other men who have made a mistake and ended up incarcerated are judged by their last bad act as that being who they are and with that their perceived lack of higher expectations in life, it determines their path. Some end up with babies, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends etc. and they clearly aren’t prepared to deal with them or realize once they got into a situation it wasn’t right for them.
What is a man to do when he wakes up one day and realizes there must be more to life than this? How does a leader redefine himself to a team of subordinates who hate him when he has a failing team he needs to motivate? How are people to find the love of their life when they are defined by the choices they made from before? It is because of questions like these and many more that I do what I do through the Chapter II for Men program.
The boy that once was has a right to be listened to so he can be the man he desires to be. How much longer can we go on letting our boys grow into a role they don’t even have the tools to identify to only find out later it comes with expectations they didn’t know existed? How just is this? Quite honestly, it’s not fair at all and as we know better we should be tasked to do better.
No matter who you are or how you got to where you are, I believe you don’t have to stay there. Anyone can desire to close the book on Chapter I of their lives but when you desire Chapter II, it’s not always easy getting there by yourself.
For parents raising boys like me, these nuggets are helpful ways of thinking about the path going forward in our raising of our sons as we contemplate their future and hopefully one that suits them both emotionally and physically. Chapter I is the precursor for their Chapter II and it is in our hands. For those who have reached adulthood and want to step into the next phase, as long as you have breath and are able bodies, it’s not too late to reach for Chapter II because you deserve it and as a good man there is someone, somewhere willing to believe in you.
Photo: Next 28/Flickr
People used to call it mid life crisis. I think the problem with that is that some men want to redo chapter I. That ship has sailed. You can regret the past, but can’t change it. For my mentee, I’ve tried to teach him the importance of money and how that factors in to your life choices. If this is what you want and this is the life style you want, this is what you have to make. If this is what you have to earn, these are your choices. I’ve always allowed my mentee to make choices, make non-severe… Read more »