Jamie Reidy undergoes a psychic reading on the phone and writes about it—as predicted.
“Hey, Jamie, do you want to do a free session with a telephone psychic?” Uh, YEAH!
I’ve never been to a psychic before. Never had my tarot cards read. Never even had my palm read by one of those leathery skin ladies on the boardwalk in the summers down at the Jersey Shore.
My failure to do these things is not a reflection of my disbelief. On the contrary; I believe in all of that stuff. I’ve simply been too afraid of finding out my future.
So why accept this offer made to one willing employee of The Good Men Project now? Because “phone psychic” sounds phony to me. I’m not at all afraid of what I’m gonna hear from a woman talking to me from miles away. (Was that sexist to assume my psychic would be female? Maybe. But, aside from Nostradamus, I haven’t heard about too many male seers.) Also, I couldn’t get the scary image of Dionne Warwick out of my mind.
Obviously, I am not alone in my skepticism. My friend Crowley had this to say about my adventure, “The thing about phone psychics is that they are frauds and have no idea what they’re talking about. Other than them being frauds and having absolutely no idea what they’re talking about, I always encourage people to pay money for their services.” I couldn’t even tell my father about this, for fear of causing him a stroke due to hysterical laughter.
After agreeing to do this, I quickly received an email asking about my availability for a 45-minute session with a psychic at www.hollywoodpsychics.com.
Right away, I chuckled to myself. Aren’t you supposed to tell me when I’m available?! Wow, it must be annoying to be a psychic and put up with comments like that all day. But… we are right, right? I mean, THEY ARE ALLEGEDLY PSYCHIC! In “The Matrix,” the Oracle tells Neo to not worry about breaking the vase right before he breaks the vase. She does this because she can see the future. Just like the woman I’m going to speak with on the phone.
Funny thing, we started the scheduling process on October 17th, yet the session did not take place until December 4th. The first try, I called in three hours late because I didn’t realize it was set for east coast time. (See: earlier Oracle comment.) Next, I had to cancel for an unforeseen reason (the jokes never end). Finally, we got it together.
Despite my complete lack of faith in the phone psychic’s abilities, I was nervous as I got on the line. I worried that the psychic would somehow pick up on that in my voice. They’ve probably been trained to do that, I thought. But she – yes, she! – immediately put me at ease, though, with how normal her voice sounded. I emphasize this because I definitely expected a bad 80’s comedy “psychic” who spoke in flowery language in a breathless delivery. Not this woman. She sounded like she grew up near Philly.
Right off the bat, she said, “OK, real quickly, I gotta tell you I’m feeling a lot of money coming your way.” Please, go on. “You have no clue how successful you’re gonna be.” She was absolutely right: I have no clue. But I’d very much like to find out. Note to self: buy a Powerball ticket.
At this point, though, my skepticism kicked in again. How much Googling do these psychics do beforehand? Or does the woman who set up the session Google the information and share it? In less than a minute pre-call, my psychic could have typed my name into her search engine and learned that I am an okay-selling author who has published three books, one of which became a major motion picture. (By the way, has a “minor” motion picture ever been made?) Then, she could base her “feelings” on things she already knows.
Her follow up vision urged me “to remember hard work is key” to the financial windfall. Note to self: ignore earlier Powerball note to self. “Hope is restored with hard work.” Overall, though, she felt very positive energy for me financially.
She then suggested we shift our focus to my love life. I did not give her any information whatsoever: didn’t tell her I have a girlfriend (and that’s not on my Facebook page, either, so it couldn’t have been found online). My psychic felt that I am “more traditional” when it comes to love. She saw me “moving to the next level…” and seemed to be fishing for me to answer one way or the next, like, “Will I get engaged?” or something. I said nothing. She said my “eyes felt really good.” This creeped me out a bit. WTF does that mean? She saw my “next stage”—be it moving in together or getting married—as “bringing new money to the table.” Maybe that means my entrepreneur of a girlfriend’s business is about to explode!
The next part definitely got my attention. She said that my “fear is impulsivity.” Whoa. That is absolutely correct. I have a history of making huge life decisions based on little data or facts. Things have worked out well for me, but I am concerned that my lucky streak has to end sometime. So, relationship-wise, I have been slow to jump into things because of my fear of impulsivity. No way the psychic could have known that, which impressed me.
That feeling multiplied only a few seconds later. “I feel ‘father energy’ from you,” she said. Full disclosure: a therapist I saw two years ago told me she could “feel” my deep-seated anger toward my old man. That assessment surprised me, but probably because I’ve done a good job of burying my feelings. That therapist suggested numerous sessions to unearth the root cause of my anger, but I declined. There are some things I just don’t care to know. All that said, here’s this PHONE PSYCHIC who can detect it, too!!!
(After the phone call, I reviewed my notes and my feelings during the session. The skeptic in me flared once more. “Father Energy”???!!! She had a 50/50 shot of being right: either that or Mother Energy. Every person has issues with one or the other, right? She’s like Alec Baldwin in “Hunt for Red October,” when he promises that the Russian skipper always turns left after a certain submarine maneuver. He was merely playing the odds and hoping for the best, just like the psychic lady! All that makes way more sense. But, still…)
She then gave me the opportunity to ask her questions. Looking at a potential new job that will require my relocating to Chicago, I asked, “Will I be moving anytime soon?” (I did not want to lead her in any way, so I didn’t mention a new job or new state. She may have thought I meant from my shitty apartment to a not-as-shitty apartment.) Nope. She did not see my moving.
The phone psychic did, however, see “a bright light for the future.” I am hoping that’s not a train at the end of the tunnel. Or my view from an operating table.
She saw that my “brain is haunted by a woman” from my past. She suggested that I “cut the umbilical cord and watch her walk away.” (Skeptic alert! Uh, EVERY heterosexual bachelor has a past girlfriend who is probably still cooking up eggs in his cranial kitchen. This is another lucky guess.)
Continuing on the past, psychic said my “old patterns are in the past.” No specifics as to which patterns—work, love, travel. But, at least I am “not going to fall into those old patterns anymore.”
She felt “family energy” approaching. I didn’t need to wait to review this one to see that it was worthless. Christmas is approaching; of COURSE “family energy” is strong.
Lastly, I got to ask a question about another person. Assuming the psychic would expect me to ask about my current girlfriend, I asked about an ex-girlfriend.
The visions started weakly. “She’s either a work relationship or romance.” And that rules out… almost nobody. “I see a lot of fertility energy.” That is hilarious, since the ex did not ever want children. But then the phone psychic really dialed in. (I promised myself I wouldn’t use that pun, but I couldn’t help it!) “I see her being overwhelmed. She needs structure and order, or else she gets overwhelmed.” That had been a big source of friction for us. “She’s an over-thinker.” My thought exactly. “She’s compassionate, though.” Yep. “And when she allows it to be, life is fun.” Good lord. “She’s an explorer.” My ex’s favorite thing in life is to travel to exotic places she’s never been before.
My psychic session ended there. I actually laughed, because I had not anticipated that kind of specificity, let alone accuracy. Funny, too, that it regarded another person.
I’m still a doubter. I don’t believe a person—psychic or not—can read me or see visions about me over the phone. But the info regarding my ex made me less of a doubter.
If I make a ton of money in the near future, I’ll be much more of a believer.
What about you, GMP readers: do you believe in phone psychics?
Photo by: daveknapik