Can harm be done by not telling a girl she is pretty?
Jen, in response to The “Pretty” Prison: the Dad of a Daughter Ponders the Weight of a Word:
I had the opposite problem. I don’t remember my father, or my mother for that matter, ever telling me that I was pretty. Not once. Not ever, even when I dressed up for my first dance or showed off the Ren Faire costume I’d worked on for weeks (I was a geek). Truth be told, I was a funny looking kid, but it would have been nice to think someone thought I was pretty. I grew up thinking I must be ugly, although looking back at my high school pictures from the perspective of middle age, I was a pretty girl — not the classic blond haired cheerleader type, but kind of an unusual, “raven-haired” type of beauty. I wish I’d known it.
Join the conversation. Share in the comments below.
Find more conversations in our Comments of the Day section.
My experience was much the same as Jen’s. While I don’t think females should be reduced to the binary “pretty” or “not pretty,” childhood is a time when self-image is formed. When kids are thrown out there into the school environment, physical attractiveness (or perceived lack thereof) is often a basis for bullying, and girls can be really nasty to other girls. Going into that environment with no previous positive experience from one’s family leaves a kid vulnerable to the shame that can come from bullying. It can also make girls very vulnerable to ‘predator’-type personalities. They can pick up… Read more »