Dating 201: The Right Mindset For Success

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About Harris O'Malley

Harris O'Malley provides geek dating advice at his blog Paging Dr. NerdLove, as well as writing the occasional guest review for Spill.com and appearing on the podcast The League of Extremely Ordinary Gentlemen. He can be found dispensing snark and advice on Facebook and Twitter (@DrNerdLove.)

Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor.

Comments

  1. Theorema Egregium says:

    Not bad, but it suffers from the same weird deficiency that every single one of all the dating advice articles I ahve ever seen suffers from.

    It is the unspoken assumption that advice is for guys, because women don’t need any.

    Just like other dating columnists Dr.Nerdlove paints the picture that right from the cradle women have perfect social skills, instincs, perfect “red flag” detectors, conversation skills and confidence. They wouldn’t have fears of approach, even if they did ever have to approach anyone. They are not real people with human shortcomings, they are an impersonal force of nature, some sort of testing procedure against which you hope to measure up. They are the 100 points of which you must try to get enough points to pass the exam.

    That notion is so pervasive that I had experiences where I dated women who had never had a date before all their life (or not in recent years) and who were awkward and shy and could not open their mouth, and still I felt IT WAS ALL MY PROBLEM TO SOLVE. Dates never failed; I did.

    Of course it is also objectifying against women. But it does a big disservice to men, by denying them that source of self-confidence which is born from seeing that women are fallible humans like themselves.

  2. Cramer2783 says:

    Very Moving……. Thank you! One question, For those of us who have expected ladies to fix things, how does that cycle break?

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