Current American political events show how destructive conduct, allowed to continue, escalates into harmful impact. When an environment enables and rewards violent behavior, severe damages are predictable. A healthy environment has standards, accountability, and consequences for antagonistic conduct. Many people on the national landscape missed the red flags that warned responsible boundaries and actions are needed. The same dynamic happens in our lives and our relationships.
What are predictable Red Flags?
High Conflict People who do not take responsibility for their feelings and behavior use specific, observable, manipulative strategies, and dysfunctional tactics with the operating principle: Nothing is ever their fault. They lack empathy and often intend to cause damage. Their approach is to hurt people, cause reactions, and use emotional pain to build their self-esteem. Relationships become battlefields for dysfunctional dynamics.
Red Flag #1
Create Targets of Blame. This strategic manipulation sets a target up for blame and shame and dominates the interaction with anger and punishment. It highlights selfish, immature behavior and temper tantrums as a primary way to get their needs met. It reveals reactivity and dysregulated emotions expressed from a distorted perception of reality. Blame-shifting is a popular tactic to make the target the cause for their bad feelings. This person is triggered by what is inside of them, not the target.
Red Flag #2
All or Nothing Thinking is a predictable personality pattern that leads to severe conflict. Black and white thinking is extreme; something or someone is either all bad or all good. Extreme thinking lets high conflict people control, dominate, and use cruelty.
Tactics include the use of gaslighting, false accusations, and invalidation. These lies cause self-doubt in the target.
Red Flag #3
Observable and extreme dysregulated emotions and over-reactions to conflict, stress, and challenges. They believe other people cause their intense feelings, fight with gossip tactics, and create scapegoats to absorb their feelings of insecurity. Emotional vampires do not recognize their intense feelings are from previous wounds, often from mistreatment. The target of blame becomes the cause of their rage and pain. They avenge their feelings of injustice with smear campaigns.
Red Flag #4
Observable and extreme behavior to generate drama, trauma, and chaos. They want to compete with you and win. Triangulation is a favored tactic to draw in and involve another person or group into a manufactured conflict. It escalates a smear campaign and creates severe strife between individuals and groups, leading to more disrupted relationships. Community cohesion breaks down.
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Previously Published on The Global Leader, a bi-monthly publication for Leaders Worldwide Toastmasters Club and is republished on Medium.
Feb 2021 VOL 2
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