United States Women’s Soccer Goalkeeper Hope Solo’s alleged actions of domestic violence elicits an imbalanced reaction compared to violence against women.
Why?
—
In a weird sense of detachment, I can feel myself looking over my shoulder. Observing my reactions, trying to find the moment of cringe, or discomfort. Yet I sit, unaffected and stoic. These are my responses to the visual and visceral evidence of Hope Solo and the latest findings regarding her case of domestic violence.
I want to feel outrage. I yearn to squirm.
Yet I outwardly cheer for the United States Soccer Team in totality in its run for a third World Cup. Then it comes to me, much like a cartoon with a light bulb flashing over my head, I’ve been brainwashed.
It was nothing intentional, more a 30-year case of Inception.
I know I’m not the only one. I know most look at the case of Solo and have a hard time understanding how a woman could be the aggressor against a 6’8” 270 pound man. Most, including myself would have a hard time understanding how Solo could be the aggressor against someone her same size.
This is not to say I’m discounting what Solo’s alleged victims are saying. I truly don’t know.
I do know I was appalled by the details of NFL player Greg Hardy’s case of domestic violence, equally so with Ray Rice and Ray McDonald. I refused to watch the Floyd Mayweather fight against Manny Pacquiao because I could not, in good conscience, put money in the pocket of such an evil human being.
Even with that characterization, however, I feel I find myself falling deeper into the mind manipulation that has me so far down the well, I don’t think I can ever get out. The idea of a man hitting a woman makes me physically ill. The idea of a woman hitting a man does not strike me as anything but someone’s emotions getting the best of her.
◊♦◊
All my life certain mantras have swayed me to believe women are the weaker, less threatening sex. All my life I have heard words preventing me from believing women could cause damage outside of my heart.
Stop being a girl.
We all know someone who has been a victim of domestic violence. The stats support such a broad sweeping statement. Incidents of domestic violence against women occur every 7 seconds in the U.S.
According to Mint Press News, you probably know a man who is a victim of domestic violence as well.
More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year. A man is the victim of domestic abuse every 37.8 seconds in America.
You play ball like a girl.
In that same article, it refers to a 2001 study by the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health.
The study collected data about the health of a nationally representative sample of 14,322 individuals between the ages of 18 and 28. The study also asked subjects to answer questions about romantic or sexual relationships in which they had engaged during the previous five years and whether those relationships had involved violence.
From this information researchers found that of the 18,761 relationships, 76 percent were non-violent and 24 percent were violent. Of the 24 percent that were violent, half had been reciprocal and half had not — reciprocal meaning there was violence inflicted by both partners. Although more men than women (53 percent versus 49 percent) had experienced nonreciprocal violent relationships, more women than men (52 percent versus 47 percent) had taken part in ones involving reciprocal violence.
This statistic was undoubtedly the most striking: in committing acts of domestic violence, more women than men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, in the 71 percent of nonreciprocal partner violence instances, the instigator was the woman. This flies in the face of the long-held belief that female aggression in a relationship is most often predicated on self-defense.
Further, while injury was more likely when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships that featured reciprocal violence men were injured more often (25 percent of the time) than women (20 percent of the time).
◊♦◊
The weaker sex.
Brainwashing is not an excuse to be oblivious to the purported crimes Solo is accused of. Nor is it reason to absolve the US Soccer Federation from its poor investigating into the case. It’s just the only logical reason I can come up with to explain why one act against one gender can leave me so infuriated, but the same act against the other gender leaves me with no reaction.
I want to feel something. I want the outrage Keith Olbermann feels.
I know my inability to warrant the woman aggressor makes me complicit in the continued struggle by men and women not only to break down stereotypical barriers, but also to define the humanity and ambiguous roles of men and women in the modern age. It pains me to my core.
Here I stand, however, cheering on the Red, White, and Blue. As evidence and outrage mount, I sit on the wrong side of justice, with all the other apologists of all the other alleged abusers.
Solo’s innocence or guilt does not matter in my courtroom. The evidence against me mounts. Like the majority of men and their view of women committing domestic violence, I am guilty.
—
Photo Credit: Icon Sportswire/AP Images
—
Join our Good Men Project Sports Facebook Page!
I get what you say about the double standard. I’ve been complaining about that for a long time now. We need to keep bringing it up. That’s the only way to change attitudes. About Ray McDonald, I believe that he was a victim of domestic violence rather than the perpetrator in the first instance based on the DA and medical examiners determination that his accusers wounds were caused by being restrained (ie McDonald wasn’t hitting her. He was preventing himself from being hit). They should have probably filed charges against her, but I guess it’s just half an injustice. I’m… Read more »
Brainwashing is not an excuse to be oblivious to the purported crimes Solo is accused of. Nor is it reason to absolve the US Soccer Federation from its poor investigating into the case. It’s just the only logical reason I can come up with to explain why one act against one gender can leave me so infuriated, but the same act against the other gender leaves me with no reaction. It’s not pretty when you realize you have been convinced that your reaction to hearing about violence should be based on the gender of the perp and the gender of… Read more »
Why don’t you be the first one to call for their resignation?
Because I don’t think that is necessary. I was only describing the vast differences in responses.
However I do want to see actual action taken against Solo. But for some reason calling for that kind of action is taken as supporting violence against women.