Men approach vulnerability with a wrong attitude. We think that it’s a failure, while in fact it can be a shortcut to success.
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We are afraid of being scrutinized by others.
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We think openness and transparency are our enemies when they can be a man’s best allies. If you are seriously thinking about making a memorable legacy and/ or having a positive impact on people around you, you should embrace vulnerability. Here are four reasons why.
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Vulnerability is attractive.
We are all afraid of transparency and authenticity, hence the common regrets of dying are so common. The most prevailing fear in our society is a fear of public speaking. Why is that so? Have you heard of any recent cases of people being burned at stakes or lynched by a bloodthirsty crowd because of how their speech was bold or terrible? I bet you haven’t. It’s the fear of being vulnerable which underlies the fear of public speaking. We are afraid of being scrutinized (and in our fearful mind–ostracized) by others. We would rather shut up and not step out of the crowd than being judged by so many people at once.
So, when you demonstrate your vulnerability, when you show up and spill your heart in front of people, they admire you. They all desire to be like you. Being authentic, being yourself is one of the basic human needs. If you aren’t authentic, you suffocate in the web of lies, suppressions, and regrets. Thus, by showing integrity and transparency, you become the hero of many.
Vulnerability keeps you on your toes.
When you expose yourself to the blows, you can’t help, but expect the blow. You are cautious. If you have already received a few blows, you know exactly how it tastes, and you are even more aware of everything around you. You are grounded in the moment.
When you receive a wound, you get scars as an eternal reminder of the lessons you learned. You also get stronger. The broken bone may hurt many years after a fracture, but it is also the hardest at the place of symphysis.
Vulnerability provides results.
I started my writing career with just six months of my personal journey, basic English skills and vulnerability. The last factor was also most valuable. I couldn’t impress others with my mighty deeds or crazy results. In the first few months, I just went from someone a bit overweight to someone fit, from someone with no purpose into being a wannabe writer who wrote 400 words a day, from being financially inept into someone who learned to save money. They were not stories that would have occupied the headlines of the national magazines. My English still gives my editors headaches, and I don’t envision that I will write something aesthetically beautiful in the next decade. I couldn’t start writing fiction in English because the language has to be at least a bit colorful, speaking to emotions and the imagination.
However, I could and did demonstrate vulnerability. I hid nothing. I showed both good and bad in my books. I literally shared my life and my progress with readers.
The readers could easily identify with me. They responded in throngs. In a little over two years, I’ve sold, lent and gave away more than 55,000 copies of my books. Three years ago I had no idea what an email list is, and today I have several hundred people on it.
Writing may indeed be a very intimate occupation. I’ll gladly open my veins, and bleed on the pages of my books. The more I bleed, the more power I gain, because more people follow and support me.
Vulnerability is the shortcut to success.
If you think my story is an aberration, think again. In the online world, the more you are vulnerable, the more influence you have. People like Kimanzi Constable, Aaron Walker, Pat Flynn or Gary Vaynerchuck gather masses behind their brands because they demonstrate vulnerability. They are transparent. They tell about their emotions and share the ugly parts of their stories: how low you feel after being fired, how pornography can negatively affect man’s life, how killing a man in an accident dramatically affects one’s worldview.
You don’t have to be a jerk to impress others, just be yourself.
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Those are not the light issues you can brush off. They share their lives in the intimate and deep ways that stir something in the hearts of their followers. Their transparency allows them to influence people via their content to the extent that their followers act upon that content and change their lives. That’s the ultimate success.
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I could have also mentioned a few even bigger names with bigger audiences and more money in their bank accounts—the ‘tough guys.’ The difference between them and the heroes I mentioned above is that ‘the tough guys’ are jerks or pretend to be jerks to be perceived as tough. Whichever is true, you’ll feel much better about yourself if you don’t follow their path. You don’t have to be a jerk to impress others, just be yourself. Embrace your vulnerability.
Achieving success by being your true self will taste better and will be by far more fulfilling.
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Photo: Flickr/ Luis Sarabia
Hi Michal, thank you for another great piece of thoughtfulness.
Authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency; you speak good stuff, and well enough to write fiction in English, too. But I know I might have to work on you a while before you’ll believe me.