And yes, it’s way more simple than you think.
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She walked past me in the opposite direction. Her face was eclipsed by a black umbrella tilted slightly forward, but I could see her lips, and my senses were tempted. At that moment, I was pushing through an after-work crowd with a friend in tow, talking about how to meet women.
An awkward handshake through bustling bodies, an introduction and a minute later, her phone number was in my address book.
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Serendipity struck; my friend and I kept talking, but my heart wasn’t in the conversation anymore. My head turned sharply, looking back as if caught by a fishing line, hooked and in tow.
Her jeans hugged her curvy form and brought attention to her feminine physique. Long, brownish hair with golden highlights cascaded over her shoulders and rested lightly against her back.
It was raining, ever so slightly, but still enough to feel the cold, damp air penetrate my clothing. The street was busy with people dressed in suits and overcoats leaving their offices, hustling to make it home for dinner and to find their favorite spot on the couch to kick their feet up.
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I looked back again and she was starting to disappear into the crowd. Mid sentence, I broke away and ran back, dodging umbrellas, briefcases and power-walking office types. I got her attention as if I wanted directions and she stopped briefly to face me.
A look of surprise and caution formed on her face when I told her why I stopped her, then she started slowly walking away. A ton of people were walking through our conversational bubble, making it even more awkward as the space in between us widened, but I persisted.
Approaching like a gentleman means being honest, direct and genuinely interested in the woman you’re talking to.
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“You walked past me and I ran back because I wanted to meet you,” I said. She was still moving away slowly, but I kept talking while staying planted to the ground. An awkward handshake through bustling bodies, an introduction and a minute later, her phone number was in my address book.
The encounter was brief, and it was even awkward, but that was the beginning of a romance which wasn’t planned or predictable.
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Women are waiting to be swept off of their feet by the right man who knows social etiquette and can read the signs, knowing when to advance and when to back off. When you approach a woman like a gentleman, she will be receptive, attentive and curious.
You leave her with a sense of mystery, which compels her to know more and leaves her with a smile on her face.
The truth is no couple wants to say they met online, at the club or through a matchmaker. She would rather tell her friends about the bold man who took action and approached, like a gentleman. It’s a much more romantic and exciting story to be told.
Quick fixes, instant gratification and not focusing on the big picture will get you limited results.
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If you start strong, it will demonstrate the kind of man you are and set the tone for your relationship. Approaching like a gentleman means being honest, direct and genuinely interested in the woman you’re talking to. It also means avoiding cheap pick-up gimmicks and not being upfront about who you are and your intentions.
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To get your ideal partner, you also have to be able to lead yourself and be open to rejection. Without leading yourself, you won’t be able to lead others (crucial in a relationship as a man), and you will never get what you want because you are always going to be waiting for someone else to give you permission.
Without being open to rejection, you can never experience victory. Who wins without making any failed attempts? If you want the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed of, then stop waiting for permission from others, stop seeking approval for what you want and be willing to fail big time to get it.
The process of meeting your ideal partner can seem tedious, but the alternative is settling for someone you’re not truly in tune with just because he or she happens to like you, and there are no other options. Here is the exact process, step by step, which I used to get my own girlfriend, and you can use it, too.
For guys who only want to learn techniques, this is not for you. Quick fixes, instant gratification and not focusing on the big picture will get you limited results. For the rest of us interested in an amazing life and a long-term strategy, read on:
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1) Be Real
Pretending to be something you’re not is a great way to repel women. Being real means you’re vulnerable and exposing your self, showing who you really are. Many men don’t want to do this because if they get rejected, they won’t have a scapegoat to dull the emotional blow to their ego.
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2) Speak To Be Heard
As a man, you want to be heard, so speak up. One of the creepiest things is when a man talks to a woman and automatically lowers his voice in submission, exposing his lack of confidence.
Speak up; only creepers whisper. Use your lungs properly so you don’t sound like you’re going through puberty.
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3) Show Interest In Her
Don’t talk about yourself; talk about her. It’s a simple concept, but so many guys still ask, “What do I talk about?”
Show interest in her, and your conversation topic will be taken care of. You will learn about your prospective girlfriend, and she will appreciate your interest.
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4) Learn How To Speak Like A Gentleman
A gentleman speaks in an educated vocabulary and tone of voice. His words flow and his voice is soothing, deep and relaxed.
You don’t need to go to Harvard; you just need to read books and practice speaking slowly.
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5) Learn To Be A Man
This means not running away from challenges, and facing your fears. How you really feel about yourself will come out in your personality and behaviors.
Take on your greatest fears to build yourself into a confident man. It’s easier to appear confident when you actually are.
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6) Approach, Like a Gentleman
No one likes a sleazy pick-up line; when you go talk to women, do so as a gentleman. Be upfront, direct and tactful. A gentleman doesn’t use some technique or line just because he read a cheesy book that told him it works.
This is where your foundation as a man will form. If you’re a lying, deceitful, social wreck, then you need to work on yourself first. Create a blueprint for your life based on who you really want to be and stick to it. Values don’t count if they’re just an afterthought.
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Eddy Baller is a men’s dating and personal development coach. For more ways to crush it in life and dating check out UltimateManBuilder.com
This article was originally published on Elite Daily.
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Any man who needs to use a woman’s physical appearance to be attracted to them.. is not a man.. .they are an animal and should be treated as such.
Mr. Baller, Your advice seems very old school: eg: “Be A Man”, really, it would be nice if people would stop telling people to be anything.
Amazingly true
*steps (not steroids) ha
Great article.
Good points.
Though, I’d say there is no need to dog the PUA teachings too much. For many guys, it was their first steroids in personal development.
You have some really good points here. Thanks for writing and sharing this.
“I described my experience which included sexual attraction; a necessary factor for this scenario.” “I think I was denoting the potential for a romantic experience at the time I was writing this piece about a year ago.” Maybe this is the problem for most men….We lead with a sexual attraction (which in raw terms means I really want to fuck this woman)…Sure, often it IS a physical attraction that garners our attention. But, that should be a small part of the determining factor when it comes to a romantic relationship. But, I guess it depends on what we call “romantic.”… Read more »
“Women are waiting to be swept off of their feet by the right man who knows social etiquette and can read the signs,…” Here is the problem Eddy: What if most women (or many) are not worth being swept off their feet? Men are told to go out and do all these fantastic things for women. But, no one, no one, such as yourself ever mention to men how critical it is to be discriminating when it comes to women. Why is that Eddy? You don’t go overboard and give the royal treatment to women who are not royalty. This… Read more »
I agree. My post has a sort of “romantic” perspective, and could be taken as advocating placing women on a pedestal, but I certainly don’t believe that they should be. I think I was denoting the potential for a romantic experience at the time I was writing this piece about a year ago.
“Her jeans hugged her curvy form and brought attention to her feminine physique. Long, brownish hair with golden highlights cascaded over her shoulders and rested lightly against her back. ” I kind of feel like you used this woman’s ‘feminine physique’ to titillate your male readers and draw them in literally on the backside of the female in question. It would be nice if in your message to men, to go beyond instant gratification, if you didn’t wave the proverbial carrot (in this case the woman in question) infront of them like bait first. I know you’re writing for men… Read more »
Erin, Hello! I noticed the EXACT same thing…I asked myself just WHY did he turn around to go after this woman. It was all about wanting a fine ass babe who was hot…Purely physical. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but have not numerous women on this site dried this sort of behavior? Is this not real “creepy” behavior? I can recall a piece written by Joanna Schroeder last year that was a bit critical of this sort of male behavior. Her suggestion was to simply give the woman your card. Frankly, I found his conduct a bit ghetto.… Read more »
Can’t tell if Jules is a troll or if he betrays the learned facade that he’s putting up about himself.
No one with any decent level of education would use the noun “ghetto” as a way to describe people or a course of action. No one with a higher level of education would instantly characterize all minority women as unlearned and unprofessional, generalizing minority women on a whole and further implying that only white women could be “[sic]well educated professional woman.”
This guy can’t be serious, right?
I don’t see where there is “instant gratification”. I described my experience which included sexual attraction; a necessary factor for this scenario.
I’m pretty sure your readers can figure out that you were sexually attracted to the woman without making her body something you needed to dangle infront of them to entice them to read more.
Like I said above. It matters how men choose to talk about women to other men. If men don’t want women to think that all you want from women is sex, then men need to talk about women in other ways that aren’t always about our bodies or sex.
“I kind of feel like you used this woman’s ‘feminine physique’ to titillate your male readers and draw them in literally on the backside of the female in question. It would be nice if in your message to men, to go beyond instant gratification, if you didn’t wave the proverbial carrot (in this case the woman in question) infront of them like bait first. I know you’re writing for men and not women. But it matters how men talk about women to each other. It probably matters more then how men choose to talk about women infront of women.” “I’m… Read more »
I want to point out what you do not understand about force of attraction. it takes beauty to attract a man and character to keep him.
Great advice and the truth. It pains me to see sooooo many men online asking how to approach and attract women. Most of the advice out there stems around pick up tips and tactocs, essentially telling those men they need to be someone and who they are isnt good enough. Its manipulative. Like Eddie said, be vulnerable and honest. That shows true confidence.
Glad you liked it.
It’s a good article and explains why certain behavior works. I would only add that we shouldn’t hate on pickup routines too much. Our brains learn new langauges in phrases and idiomatic expressions. It’s the same with romantic communication. Learning to ride a bicycle often involves training wheels; when one becomes fluent in a new language, the training wheels come off.