Stop wondering, stop being scared of something you want and fight like hell for it.
—
People are always saying you shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve. I’ve heard it since I was a little girl; it’s the line we tell every woman when she is treated badly, and it’s also what we recite when looking to give advice.
But what about men? Why don’t we tell them not to settle? We claim women are the only ones settling, but I disagree. Men need to stop settling, too.
Think about it: What type of girl do you really want?
Is that really the girl you are dating now? Sometimes the answer is no. The girl you are dating may not have the same values, morals and hobbies as you, but you’ve pushed aside what you’re really looking for.
Honestly, most of you are dating the girls who are easy to date because they don’t challenge you. What I mean by that is, they don’t challenge you to be the person you want to be, to be a better person and to bring out different qualities that make you shine as a person.
I will let you in on a little secret: Your family and friends are sick of meeting these girls that are downright rude, have no goals and are just absolutely not good for you. So in retrospect, they don’t want to watch you settle for less than you deserve. Do you not see your own value?
The “project” you are dating is not real love, and if anyone has dated someone he or she thought could be changed, it usually is very unlikely that it happens.
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t challenge you to be a better person, then you are settling for a smaller life than you deserve. Whether you want to admit it or not, the people close to you in your life usually have a good notion of the people you should be with.
I have many male friends in my life who I truly care about, and I’m constantly seeing them settle for less than they deserve.
I believe men settle because they don’t know what a real relationship is or even what real love is. It’s because they don’t think they can do any better and aren’t willing it put in the work to have something real.
I understand they may not know what real love is or what a real relationship is, but that doesn’t mean they do not exist.
There is someone out there with the same values and goals as you, and also someone who will challenge you to become a better man. All relationships don’t include fighting all the time, breaking up all the time and being overall miserable with just a few good times in between. There is more to love, and I promise you the wait is worth it to have a great one.
Settling for less because you think that’s all you deserve is just crazy to me. Would you do that for your dream job, your house or car? Would you do that with friends? No, you would not settle for those things, so a relationship should not be any different.
Men, take a step back and reevaluate yourself and what you want in someone. Write it down; make a mental note and do what you need to do to not settle. Look at how unhappy you have become because you have settled and know you can find a girl who is going to make you crazy in a good way.
She maybe be right in front of you, and you could always wonder what it would be like to have a girl like her. Or maybe she is the girl you run into at the coffee shop or bar but are too scared to approach because she may not be interested.
Instead, you settle for the “whatever” in life. Well, stop wondering, stop being scared of something you want and fight like hell for it. Settling for the girl who showed interest in you or was easy to get will never be worth it.
To all the men out there reading, stop settling and go get the woman of your dreams.
By Lisa Thompson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
—
Photo: Benurs/Flickr
I don’t quite understand why working “at it” to have the relationship they desire is so bad. The work for everything else they want in their lives, career, prestige, hobbies, health, home, even sex (if not in a relationship), why is a happy fulfilling marriage/relationship any different? Did they really think the just get married (or in a commited relationship) and never have to put any effort into it? You think being in a relationship with a man who feels they don’t have to put effort in maintaining said “happiness”, is any picinic for the woman? Sounds fairly narcissistic to… Read more »
I actually think a lot of men settle too easily for women they are attracted to but women they don’t neccesarily have a lot in common with or simliar morals. I see a lot of guys forgo true compatibility over how hot his girlfriend needs to be. Just look at how many men complain about women that go for “bad boys”. But what those guys forget is that they are only looking a specific group of women that are usually hot themselves going for other hot guys. Do you really want to be with a woman that has not worked… Read more »
Wow, FlyingKal, first comment out of the box and you nailed it! (I bet you even point your toes before dismount). We’ve spent the last 40 years or so telling men they aren’t even likeable, so the idea that a man might not feel that he is worthy of LOVE is not surprising. I would say it is pretty a logical result.
– See more at: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/easy-come-easy-go-why-men-should-stop-settling-for-less-than-they-deserve-kt/comment-page-1/#comment-1532249
Why, thank you, Michael!
There are two reasons why men “settle”. 1. Men AND women both settle because the thought is relationships are supposed to be tough and that most people have to work at their relationships. But why are people okay with an “average relationship” that is difficult and requires effort? The average relationship fails and ends in divorce. Why strive for mediocrity? Look at the relationships around you that aren’t difficult and don’t require a lot of effort and strive for that. It’s not a unicorn. It exists. I wrote a post “Why a Normal Relationship Isn’t Good Enough” that discusses and… Read more »
I love this article. Mainly because i had met so many men who did settle and then there miserable but not willing to give up what they settled for, because they feared to be alone or didn’t think they deserve anything better.
And sometimes i met men who settled because they didn’t want to do the work on themselves do get what they actually want. Case in point, overweight or flabby men. If they only went to gym and eat good food or perhaps took more time on personal hygiene…their chances would have significantly improved.
If so many men are miserable, and yet don’t think they deserve any better, then do you have any ideas how we may have reached that point?
“To all the men out there reading, stop settling and go get the woman of your dreams.”
She doesn’t want me. C’est la vie.
Should I settle?
Yes. It is the logical option.
“I believe men settle because they don’t know what a real relationship is or even what real love is” Sorry, I respectfully disagree. I think quite a number of us do know exactly what those things are. And, as these things are very much subjective, we have our own perspective on it in exactly the same way as women do. “. It’s because they don’t think they can do any better and aren’t willing it put in the work to have something real.” Again – I can only talk from my own experience though, as can any of us –… Read more »
People are always saying you shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve. I’ve heard it since I was a little girl;
Maybe there’s a difference. A very large amount of men today have always been told, by society, media, their peers, that they really don’t deserve anything. And the slightesy hint that you would “deserve” love, happiness, and/or a partnership with a woman where you’re both happy on equal terms, is merely laughed at or dismissed as entitlement!
I was at a friend’s wedding once, and in his speech he said “and I’d like to thank my wife; because, well, she’s the only one who would have me.” I facepalmed, naturally, and then I looked around. No one else seemed to have noticed the faux pas. They all laughed along. It’s a self-depreciating joke and everyone loves a guy who makes a self-depreciating joke. What they couldn’t see, or certainly no one betrayed that they could see it, was that this joke that he intended upon himself also impacted on her. He might as well have said “I’m… Read more »
Yes, well, technically, most people stop looking for another partner once they’ve fond one. And if you’ve pursued or courted a variety of women and she was the only one (i.e. the first) NOT to turn you down, doesn’t mean they love each other less just because…
How did we get such a dichotomy between the genders?