Don’t bother with this article unless you’re serious about reducing your stress. But if you do start reading, you might just find it was written for YOU.
—
If you think this article will give you tips on how to be less stressed with no effort on your part, think again.
If reducing stress was that easy you’d have done it by now. And if you were the kind of person who could do any of the below easily, you wouldn’t be the stress-head you are. So, before you read any further, consider this: how much is stress impacting your life, and how much are you willing to do about it?
I’ve struggled with stress all of my adult life. I go through phases when I largely win, and phases where I fail completely and the stress tips over into anxiety. The list below is made up of thirty years of experience of what generally gets me back on track. None of it is easy. But it is worth it.
1. Remove the root cause of the stress.
All of the other tips in this list are for people like me who get stressed over nothing. This one is for those of you finding yourself stressed over a specific thing. The advice is this: prioritize removing the root-cause of that stress. It might sound obvious, but let’s face it, you’ve lost perspective. You’re too busy to do anything about how busy you are; you can’t cope with how little you can cope. And you think that’s going to fix itself? Listen to me, mate: it isn’t.
If it’s volume of work that’s killing you, don’t do any of that work until you’ve put together a plan of how to reduce the volume. If it’s a difference between what your boss wants done and what he wants you to do, then you need to point that difference out and propose an alternative. The situation will not fix itself!
2. Get more sleep.
Hey, I didn’t say I was going to be original. You’ll have read this a hundred times: tiredness is the main cause of stress, blah blah blah. But what have you done about it, really? There’s a horrible myth out there that most people need eight hours of sleep a night. Not true. Most people need anywhere between five and ten hours a night…it’s just that if you took the average of all of those people, you’d get to eight. This means for everyone who needs seven hours a night there’s someone (like me) who needs nine. You think that’s a lot? Try making it happen when you get up at 5.30 am every day. That’s right – I need to be asleep at 8.30 pm to feel human. It’s a monumental pain in the ass, but I own that and I work hard to get to bed early. Do you?
3. Drive slower.
Like I said, none of this is easy. Personally, I think driving at ten clicks below the speed limit should be punishable by public flogging, and I learned to lane-hop when I was still in a pushchair. Yes, I know, it can kill people, but hey, it’s fun. Is it good for my heart rate though? No. So I’ve learned to sit behind a slow driver no matter what lane they’re in. Ooh look, that driver is now slowing down in case the traffic light up ahead turns red and, oh, now it has! Do I get out and throttle said driver through his open window? No, I remember a red traffic light is an opportunity to take three deep breaths. Trust me, this one takes years to learn.
4. Stroll to places.
I am very lucky and live close enough to work that I can walk there. This I rarely do. More often, I risk life and limb to race across a busy road and jump onto a crowded bus. Because that will get me into the office twenty minutes earlier. Twenty whole minutes, whoopy doo, that’s so worth being uptight. But on the days I remember to listen to my own advice, I stroll through quiet back streets, letting my mind wander. And I arrive at work relaxed and happy. Note the verb “stroll.” There’s no point in walking somewhere if you’re going to do it at more than a leisurely pace, not as far as stress levels are concerned anyway.
5. Give up coffee.
‘Oh, but I love my coffee!’ I hear you say. Well guess what: if you’re reading this article it doesn’t love you. Yes, I know there’s a guy at work who drinks six cups a day and sleeps well all night, but he’s not you. If you want to be sure not to murder your whole family in a few years time, you need to get onto this. Try going decaf as a start. Here’s my tip: if you live in a city with good coffee, find a café that grinds its own decaf beans. Anything else tastes like they scraped it off a car tire before burning it. But if the decaf beans are freshly ground, you’ll struggle to tell the difference. Try it.
6. Turn off your phone.
Agh, it’s so scary! What if someone tries to call me? Or message me? Or email me, or Whatsapp me, or Skype me, or what if there’s a Facebook update or Instagram or, or, or. That’s the point man! All of these things are happening all the time and none of them matter. Unless you have just been bitten by a rare snake and the call’s coming through with the location of the anti-venom, trust me, it can wait. The first ten minutes you’ll not know what to do with your fingers. Then, slowly, you’ll remember that sometimes you’re allowed to sit and…
7. Do nothing.
This is powerful. Turn off all potential sources of interruption. Turn off the internet, music, the TV, the well-meaning-but-annoying partner / housemate / dog. Then sit on your sofa and Do Nothing. Yes, as in “stare into space”, because even reading’s not allowed. Set a timer if you want so you don’t have to worry about the time, but then put the clock out of sight. Just Do Nothing. I bet you can’t.
8. Learn to prioritize the de-stress in everyday life
I’ll be honest and say this is the one I struggle with the most. Normally I’ll just pop to the post office on the way to the shops to get that thing done which could really wait but it’s on the way and if I rush I’ll make it home in time. See the problem here? Rush, rush, rush. I’m lucky to have a husband who has a zero-tolerance policy on this kind of nonsense and insists on this bizarre behavior called Doing One Thing At A Time. I reckon it could catch on. And this morning, I actually got out of the ocean earlier than I had to so I could stroll slowly back to the car, which was on metered-parking. What a lovely day, I’m not sure I’d noticed until now. And so what if I’d paid for 20 minutes parking which I hadn’t used? It allowed me to…
9. Perform a random act of kindness.
I gave the 20 minutes left on my parking ticket to the grumpy bastard who was waiting for me to free up the parking spot. He wasn’t exactly beeping his horn, but he wasn’t hiding his impatience either, so when I walked up to his window he probably thought we were going to have a fight. You should have seen his face when he realized what I was offering. Grumpy Bastard – 0, Smug Me -1. Trust me, this helps your stress levels way more than out-staring the bastard and driving out deliberately slowly.
10. Exercise.
Yeah, again not very original. But I’m not sure everyone always does the right sort of exercise. I missed a few weeks of running recently and did nothing but yoga. Great for not wanting to kill other people, but I wanted to kill myself by the weekend. I need the endorphins or whatever it is that running does to really make me human. Surfing doesn’t work for me because I’m not good enough at it. You want something really easy, non-competitive but also very sweaty. Oh, and when times get really bad, you need to walk before you can run. That’s not a metaphor. The calm of walking, letting people be faster than you, is often good for the first day or two of a really bad anxiety attack.
11. Get therapy.
Because, let’s face it, whilst those environmental factors might add to your stress, the deep underlying cause of it is anxiety in your soul. Have you ever looked at someone at work and wondered why they don’t get upset about stuff that you lose sleep over? How they manage to just float through the day, a smile on their face as if they really don’t get quite how urgent / important / life-threatening the situation is? It’s because they’ve got true perspective. I heard a great lyric the other day: “Everything I want is in my head, everything I need is here.” If you feel really strong, on a fundamental level, about who and what you are, you’ll know this to be true every day. Seriously, get some therapy.
If any of this resonated with you, I recommend you print it all out and leave a few copies in your jacket pockets to find over the coming months. Like I said, none of it is easy and, like me, you’ll need reminding every so often to do it.
—
This post is republished on Medium.
***
Improve your writing, expand your reach, and monetize your craft.
Join The Good Men Project’s Writers’ Community on Patreon.
We welcome all experience levels.
Learn more on our Patreon page.
***
Photo credit: iStock
I think stress is a mindset. To think getting rid of stress is hard work, is a mindset, too. The proof is in the pudding. Stress-free is effortless for some, impossible for others. Your 11 steps are helpful, yet the thought of having to remember 11 things sounds like more stress, not less :-] But don’t stress about it – am just playing devil’s advocate.
The suggestion to ‘do nothing’ can be a tricky one. For many people, turning the thought process inward can indeed be very relaxing. However, many people – especially those dealing with lots of stressful situations – may find ‘doing nothing’ just leads to negative thinking and increased anxiety. I would recommend focusing on something such as breathing or on some positive mental imagery to keep those ugly little negative thoughts from making their way in. Leave ‘thinking about nothing’ to the zen monks who even after decades still haven’t quite mastered that arguably impossible task. Colin Stone Professional Relaxation Therapist… Read more »