Guys, when did you learn to become a man? Chris Forte didn’t learn until he hit a crisis in his mid 20s.
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We all need help developing into the men we are meant to be. As a young boy growing into manhood you learn who and how to be from your dad, your primary role model. As a boy becoming a man, my dad was my only model besides sport coaches.
There were several significant conversations and events that happened early in life that forced me to turn away from him and begin to look elsewhere for help.
The first one occurred when I was around 13. We are in the car having one of those conversations, “What are you going to do with your life…?” Delightedly, I remember sharing my excitement about becoming a professional athlete for a living–either a baseball player or a boxer…
Well, wouldn’t you know that instead of being excited with me, my dad goes on to explain why, in his reality, that won’t happen. (EXCRUCIATING DREAM CRUSHING MOMENT!) He goes on to say how hard it is and that the chances are impossible (incidentally, a word that I eliminated from my vocabulary a long time ago–coincidence?).
“Chris, do you realize how fast you need to be? How strong you need to be?” What Dad and I didn’t realize at the time was that he was saying, in effect, “Chris, you’re not good enough.” From that trust-crushing moment, I turned on him and decided that I wasn’t going to share anything more about myself or my goals.
The next moment I remember like yesterday. I was about 15-years-old, sitting at the kitchen table. Both of my parents had lost their jobs within weeks of each other, and now were struggling to tell me about what was going on…
My dad didn’t rebound by getting a new job that could take care of our family. I saw my mom hustle to do whatever she could to help, and also saw the struggle affect the marriage, as it slowly started destructing. Eventually a divorce happened three years later, and I declared to myself that I was now the man of the house. I committed to always work for myself. However, I didn’t realize then that I would reach a crisis moment several years later that would be the crack in my relationship with my parents that allowed forgiveness and love to reenter our relationship.
When I was 24 in a rock bottom stage contemplating taking my life, I heard the voice in my heart–the voice of God, say, “Boy, call home.” Even though both of my parents were on the phone line, it was my dad that offered words of wisdom at that time, and hopped on a flight to spend Christmas with me at a time when I wanted to be with no one.
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When did I grow from boy to a man? Up until my mid 30s, I believed I did it on my own–and in many ways, I did. I love my dad and he is a man whose faith and family come first, which I can proudly say I’m aligned with, too, but I didn’t learn much about becoming a man from him until a crisis point in my mid 20s.
When I was 24 in a rock bottom stage contemplating taking my life, I heard the voice in my heart–the voice of God, say, “Boy, call home.” Even though both of my parents were on the phone line, it was my dad that offered words of wisdom at that time, and hopped on a flight to spend Christmas with me at a time when I wanted to be with no one. He stayed the entire week with me, making sure I was in good hands. A lot shifted between us that week.
It wasn’t until my early thirties that I came to peace with my Dad. Now, I love him more than ever. I’ll still give him shit for being a Dream Crusher, but it has been my commitment spiritually to become at peace with my upbringing and understand that everything that happened was ultimately for my highest good.
Our upbringings are all unique to us for our highest evolution, growth, and ultimate awareness. Coming to terms with this part of your life can help you on the journey.
Thanks, Dad; Happy Birthday, you’re the perfect Dad for me.
Love,
Chris
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Originally published on ChrisForte.com
Photo courtesy of author