Liz Furl shows us how to support men in their moments of weakness.
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Masculinity and the desire for it is bred into men from boyhood. Boys don’t cry. C’mon now—be my big man. Be strong. Be strong.
This is unequivocally carried into adulthood, into manhood, and, most relevantly here, into their relationships.
I am the wife of a strong man, the strongest man I know. He has protected me in every way possible, sitting on a barstool at my workplace for eight hours because of the threat of a ‘visit’ from my abusive father, setting aside his personal vendettas against an ex who had caused me innumerable pains to tell him firmly to leave me alone, carrying the burdens that come with marrying a woman with bipolar disorder with empathy and broad shoulders.
You might say the you cannot speak the word ‘weakness’ about a man without stealing part of his masculinity away. I disagree.
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These strengths are a large part of why I love him, but I would not love him so fiercely if it were not for his weaknesses.
You might say that you cannot speak the word ‘weakness’ about a man without stealing part of his masculinity away. I disagree.
My husband is the strongest man I know, and he has shed tears. When he sent his baby boy, the cat he raised from infancy, to live with his ex-girlfriend because he knew she needed him more, he wept, and I shared in those tears as I held his hand.
My husband is the strongest man I know, and he has spent days working from home because he felt a weary weight upon his mind and soul. His eyes were tired and his body ached with sadness and I shared in that sadness, keeping by with nourishment—physical and emotional—to bear him up the best I could.
My husband is the strongest man I know, and he been devastated by people he once thought of as friends. He has spoken passionately and deep into the night about the years he has shared with men who have struck against the bonds those years created, and I sat nearby as he paced, honoring his pain with my silence.
I love my husband dearly, not in spite of these moments, but ever more because of them.
There are many ways to support the strength of a man in his times of weakness, each of them as individual as the man himself. That task is left to the ones who love.
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There are many ways to support the strength of a man in his times of weakness, each of them as individual as the man himself. That task is left to the ones who love.
There is one way to support all men in their strength and masculinity, though. Acknowledge that weakness does not hinder strength, but builds the foundation for it through the empathy and caring that is the mark of all unencumbered masculinity.
Photo—Kent Yoshimura/flickr
Sorry, it sounds great, it really does, but it just doesn’t translate into the real world quite as neatly. I had a woman (a friend) who was there for me in a ‘vulnerable’ moment many years ago. Sounds great, no? She then proceeded to remind me of it more times than I can remember. Made a point of telling me how she was there when “I was weak”. I almost made the same mistake a couple of years ago with my wife and family. Saw right away what a HUGE mistake this would be and calmed up. Now, if I… Read more »
I definitely agree with this article. It is a tough world out there and it’s going to get harder. A man who doesn’t read, build himself wil also lose himself. This is what we write about in out own blog, NewDarkTriad.com, because without knowing yourself. You will follow how our culture says men should be. I mean look at 50 Shades of Grey, I haven’t read any of it but know tons of friends who have read it. It depicts a man who is jealous, shown as “powerful” yet I see a boy inside a grown man’s body. Vulnerability is… Read more »
Great article; however, it will take a huge cultural change in society to support men when they need help. It is sad when friends, bosses, and workers you share your life with backstabbed you when you need them to most