Sometimes, the most unlikely person can be the one in the most pain. Hannah Dingle explains how.
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I cannot offer you an insight on the late and wonderfully talented Robin Williams’s tragic suicide. Neither can I offer you an insight into his depression, struggle with substance addiction, the unimaginable pain his loved ones are experiencing or the toll worldwide fame took on his mental health.
However, the thing I can offer you an insight into extrovert behaviour and why people like Robin Williams behave the way they do.
On the day of his death I posted the following Facebook status:
I was moved by the amounts of likes and shares this got. I posted it soon as I found out about his passing. It was badly written and punctuated, but it was my immediate, heart-felt response to his death. I was also reacting to my feelings about a close friend of mine. She is a beautiful, funny, kind, caring and outgoing woman who struggles with depression and anxiety.
Since then I’ve realised my reaction was not only based on my admiration for Robin Williams, my love for her and my opinions on depression, but also my feelings about myself, as an extrovert. I’ve always been the “loud” one, it used to be something I wanted to change about myself as others often have told me to stop being so “annoying” and “tone it down”. Now it has become something I like about myself, it gives me a lot of strength and I’m surrounded by people who love me for it (though the perforated eardrums not so much).
So here’s what I consider to be the 5 most important things to consider about an extrovert:
1. Most of the time it’s that we’re just happy, and we know it, and we really really want to show it.
I’ve always been attracted to extroverts and their carefree lust for life, watching Robin Williams over the years I’ve connected to the enthusiasm he seemed to apply to everything. I believe this is the best part of being an extrovert. Others are afraid to let go and enjoying themselves in a public forum, due to fear of embarrassment. Where as an extrovert thinks “to hell with it, I’m here, I’m happy, life is good I’m going go for it and if you don’t like it, well more fool you!” You can always spot and extrovert at a party, they’re the one doing the sprinkler when everyone else is doing the awkward-no-eye-contact dance floor shuffle. And the bastards will always be trying to drag you onto the ground for a round of floor-patty-cake to “Ops up side your head”.
2. Its true sometimes we play the clown to cover up our sadness, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.
There’s been no end of references to the unhappy clown in the light of Robin Williams’s death. And this is pretty accurate; clowning protects you from showing people that you are hurting. This can be very damaging as it stops people from knowing you are really in need of help. However sometimes it’s ok. For instance if you are at work and you have to get through your day clowning can give you the strength you need to finish your day and get home and share your pain with the ones you love. Also forcing yourself to behave like a happy person can improve your mood. Laughter sometimes is the best medicine (followed by hugs, bad dancing and funny animals on YouTube).
3. We fool ourselves as well.
Sometimes an extrovert cannot ask for help because they themselves don’t realise anything is wrong, sometimes it catches us off guard and really bowls us over and sometimes we notice when it is too late.. The people close to us should never blame themselves at these times, if we don’t know then how can they?
4. What goes up must come down.
This doesn’t mean all extroverts are depressed. It can simply be that being so upbeat and active all the time is physically and emotionally draining. As most people that have lived with an extrovert will tell you, they often come home and shut themselves in their room, sometimes for a whole evening or just a few hours. This is because they need to recharge their batteries, have time to themselves or because they have just got board of talking all day. Sometimes however, they do suffer with depression and anxiety as well. If this is happening to an extrovert in your life, ask them when there on their own if everything is ok and of there is something they would like to talk about. Never do this with other people around; it is very unlikely an extrovert will show weakness in front of a group.
5. People think we are tougher than they are.
In my opinion is the worst part of being an extrovert. As I said before although I feel I can relate to Robin Williams’s behaviour, I cannot describe how he felt, all I can tell you is my own experience.
I have always considered myself as pretty tough, someone who doesn’t only laugh in the face of danger but also farts at it, flips it the finger, and paraphrasing Ted a little here, sings: “fuck you troubles you can kiss my butt.”
So it took me by surprise when two years ago I really found myself struggling. It had been one of those arsehole years when everything that could go wrong had happened at once. It was my final year of university, I was stressed trying to complete my dissertation, I’d had an upsetting disturbance in my personal life, the man I loved chose not to be with me any more and my health was in a huge mess (later discovered to be a nasty stomach infection with severe IBS due to food allergy’s). These were all things I could have coped with one at a time, but happening all together they not only knocked the wind out of my sails, but also threw me overboard, full-pelt into the mouth of the Kraken. This period only lasted for a short while but for a time I felt totally physically and emotionally drained. This was shock to me, as I’d never felt that way before. The thing that still remains in my mind was my friends rallying around me telling me “you’re the strongest person I know, you will be fine”. In the end yes they were right, but at the time those words were of no comfort to me. I didn’t feel like I had one ounce of strength left in me, I had no fight and no confidence. I had convinced these people I was tougher than Thor’s hammer so why would they not think that way? Pretty quickly things got better, but I will never forget those moments of feeling like a helpless fraud. I have learnt since then to talk to friends if I’m feeling lost, rather than try and hide it and they have been greatly supportive. I would not count this as a moment where I was “depressed” I was very stressed and went through a rough patch. I can only imagine what it would be like for someone suffering with a real problem like Robin Williams and his depression or mental illness. Having that coupled with being considered to be one of the greatest “clowns” in the world, well that must be terrifying.
Extrovert behaviour has two sides. If you embrace it, it can teach you something, it will have you doing wild shit you’d never of done before and lead you on crazy adventures with an eclectic collection of characters. But as with anything we enjoy in this life, too much of it can be harmful. My advice is if you are an extrovert, remember to give yourself quiet time off, talk to people when you are struggling and that you are not invincible. If you are friends with an extrovert, enjoy the perks of being with your own personal travelling circus but remember they feel just as crap as you at times, and they’re not as impenetrable as they seem. After all they might have the gift of the gab, but sometimes they’re full of more bullshit than a vindaloo-fed cattle farm.
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Photo credit: Thomas Hawk/flickr