Flipping the script around men seeking a relationship with their kids is a big goal of The Fatherhood Support Network.
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Stanly Williams never thought he would find himself as a father without his children. One day, though, that exactly happened.
Williams was a happily married man and father of three children living in the Las Vegas area. He came home to discover that his wife had become unhappy in the marriage, took their kids and went to the East Coast. For a man like Williams, especially as an African-American man, this did not sit well.
It led Williams to become a co-founder of The Fatherhood Support Network, whose mission is to inspire, support and empower fathers, particularly those who have been alienated, to play an active role in the physical, spiritual and emotional development of their biological, adoptive, surrogate children and the broader community despite any obstacles or challenges they may encounter.
“Our programs hold fathers accountable and have an active role in their lives,” Williams said. “If they love their kids like they say they do, it’s going to be a process.”
He added, “For me, I had to remove ‘self’ from the process. There was a lot of HLB going on – high-level brainwashing – in my situation.”
Williams, along with executive director Anthony Parnell, recently appeared at a “Father’s Appreciation Day” outreach event on a Saturday at a Microsoft store in Scottsdale, Ariz. All through the day, people – including fathers and their sons – stopped by to watch a magician perform, check out new Microsoft gadgets and receive information about the network’s ongoing work.
The statistics on father absence, according to the National Fatherhood Initiative, National Center for Fathering, and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, are staggering.
For instance, children who live absent from their biological fathers are four times more likely to be poor, twice as likely to drop out of school, more likely to be incarcerated than those in mother-father families, are at greater risk for substance abuse, and are more likely to be victims of physical and sexual abuse.
“Fathers have to understand that it’s not that child’s fault” when it comes to being separate from them, Williams said. “It will help everything move smoother if you remove the emotions and feelings from the process.”
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The network is part of President Barack Obama’s “My Brother’s Keeper” initiative. The president started the initiative, according to The White House website, “to address persistent opportunity gaps faced by boys and young men of color and ensure that all young people can reach their full potential.”
Giving fathers a chance to reconnect with their children is part of what the network strives to do.
“We are looking to raise awareness,” Parnell said. “Anything that we can do (when it comes to changing the picture of fathers) we are going to do. It’s still about awareness, too, in other cities.”
Parnell said their programs are currently located in Concord, Calif., Atlanta, and Immokalee, Fla., which is near the Miami-Fort Lauderdale metropolitan area. Organizations within these cities played host to the network’s day-long, 8-hour workshop to help introduce program ideas and concepts to the area.
“We facilitate organizations to maintain the site right there,” Parnell, who holds a master’s in social work, said. Among other things, “We teach men about writing out their emotions. We have found this quite helpful for the men that we have helped.”
Parnell collected stories of fathers across three demographic areas that helped form his book, “24 Million: Challenges and Solutions for Alienated Fathers in America.” According to the network, the book “not only sheds light on the epidemic of absent fathers in America. It also provides a roadmap for healing and restoration. In addition to more fathers accepting full responsibility for their role as parents, men must learn to support one another through the entire process of family restoration. And, communities must pull together to provided alienated fathers with greatly needed emotional support and physical resources.”
“Our mission is to have one site within each of the 50 states,” Parnell said about the network’s larger goals. “We develop a support system that involves Fatherhood Support Groups and one-on-one mentoring.”
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The network also laid out five key strategies for overcoming challenges and obstacles in maintaining an active role as a father/parent:
- Do not take the challenges caused by a broken system personally.
- Stay encouraged and remain strong.
- Seek advice and support from other men who currently maintain an active role in the lives of their children – men who have overcome their own challenges and obstacles.
- Do everything within your power, and accept the things that are out of your control.
- Remind yourself daily that your value as a father cannot be measured in dollars and cents.
Some common deterrents around having dads in their kids’ lives, according to the network, include imbalances in the legal system, financial hardship, unhealthy co-parenting, the cost of legal representation, and children being fed negative and false information about their fathers.
Williams and Parnell are doing their best to change the conversation when it comes to absent fathers.
“One other thing that we do is help fathers develop strategies for overcoming obstacles to being with their children,” Parnell said. Williams added that the network is gender-friendly, meaning that same-sex fathers seeking guidance are encouraged to reach out.
Their goals are lofty, yet these two men are joining hands with many others and staying focused on helping bridge the gap for absent fathers across the United States.
For more information, contact The Fatherhood Support Network through their websites at www.FatherhoodSupportNetwork.org or www.FatherhoodSupport.org.
Photo courtesy of author