Safety first: Mike Iamele notes how ensuring your security has a lot to do with everything.
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We’re animals. Despite our desperate desires not to be, we’re animals. We have natural instincts. We have raw urges. We need food, water, sleep, sex. We act out of our subconscious. We live on our nervous system. And, above all, we have one overarching goal that drives all of our decisions every single day: feeling safe.
It’s amazing how much of our lives are governed by that need to feel safe. We sleep on our stomachs, we lock every door, we set the alarm, we never stand up to our client, we refuse to talk to that pretty girl, we try to control everything. Because maybe then we’ll feel safe.
In every aspect of our lives, from relationships to work to personal growth, we are focused on feeling safe. It’s why we’re so hesitant to be vulnerable. Why we don’t want to share our deepest secrets. Why we don’t voice our opinion and chance someone disagreeing with us. Why we don’t try new opportunities. Why we crush ourselves with the overwhelm of all of our tasks.
Because somewhere deep inside of us, there’s this horrible fear that we won’t be safe—if we’re manipulated for being vulnerable, if we’re not accepted for sharing our secrets, if we’re laughed at or embarrassed. There’s a real fear in there that we are in actual danger. So we close right up.
Look at the way we walk. Look at our posture. We tighten our stomachs, cave in our chests, and bring our shoulders up to our ears. Years of constant stress have warned us that the world isn’t safe. That we must protect ourselves. That we must be weary of everything and everyone. Because we might get hurt.
It’s why our heart races whenever we try something new. There’s a part of us — a very real part — that doesn’t feel safe. That doesn’t know the outcome. So it’s crippled with fear. And, unfortunately, for many of us, that fear gets the better of us. We bow down to the sweaty palms and anxious thoughts before bed. Because it doesn’t feel safe to move forward. And our dreams get left in the dust.
And I realized lately, as I’ve pushed myself into new ventures and bigger opportunities than I’ve ever done before, just how much this idea plays out in my life. How unsafe I really feel when I do something big and new. How terrified I am that I’ll get hurt. That somehow, in some way, I’m not safe to continue here.
So I wrote myself a little note and stuck it in my wallet. A little note to remind myself. “I’m safe to keep going forward.” And then I did it anyway.
The truth is that there is a difference between people who accomplish their dreams and people who don’t. And it’s not what you think it is. It has nothing to do with intelligence or charisma or even experience. It’s simply that some people move forward and some people don’t. Both are scared as hell. That never goes away. But the successful ones do it anyway.
We’re never going to feel safe in new situations. That’s just how we’re designed. We live on the instinct of self-preservation. And our reptilian brain views new situations as dangerous.
But, every single time we push through our fears and do something we never in a million years thought we could do, we bust through that glass ceiling. We teach our nervous system that we are safe. That we can survive. That the shaky voice and short breathing were unnecessary. Because, no matter the outcome, we survived. We always survived. And that’s the real benefit of moving forward.
I can’t say that everything you do will be a success. Hell, I know that a lot of what I do isn’t a success. But I can say that you feel safer with each step you take toward your dream life. You realize that you’ll survive if someone hates your work — even someone “really important.” And that it doesn’t really matter if someone turns you down for a date. And that it really is okay to take risks in business — some might even pan out.
But, in every single one of these scenarios, you’re safe. You can do it. You can keep moving forward. And you deserve it. You deserve to prove to yourself that you are safe creating all the success you could ever imagine.
So write yourself a little note. Give yourself a little reminder. “I’m safe to keep going forward.”
Because you are. You really are.
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This article originally appeared on BostonWellnessCoach.com
Photo credit:Lukas Kr./flickr