While he was in China, Brandon Ferdig found a totally different type of femininity than what he was used to.
Over a recent three month period, a series of interactions and experiences taught me much about the concept of power—specifically, how it is defined and manifested differently between the masculine and the feminine.
[Note: in my usage, the term masculine is not synonymous with male; and feminine is not synonymous with female.]
This idea of a bi-dimensional quality to power was a strange one at first. Previously, when hearing it spoke of as a motivator or a corrupter, it was never mentioned that there are different types of power. All my life I had assumed the notion of power simply being about dominance and brute strength. Even “brain” power had this connotation.
But more than just coming to see an alternative, feminine form, I realized that how we embody power also determines what we deem as important and how we define success. This is monumental stuff.
It has allowed for a deeper understanding of all people. Obviously, identifying feminine power helps me
You mean there’s another kind of power?
understand feminine people—usually, but not always, women—and by defining its complement, I also gained a much better grasp on masculinity as well.
This is part of the reason why this article of feminine power discovery is on this website (rather than, say, on the Good Women Project). Other reasons for its inclusion will reveal themselves as you read on.
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It began in Minneapolis at a neighborhood art fair. I was walking around with my buddy, Mark, when something caught our eye: nudity.
“Well, looks like we’ll have to mosey on over there, eh Mark?”
Soon, however, boyish curiosity was replaced with genuine inquisition. We were taken aback by the power and gravity of this work: black and white photos shot with care, focus, and purpose. Each featured one nude female subject. Each woman’s face was serene and strong as her body lay calmly or stood firmly or stretched elegantly along a backdrop of various scenes in nature.
She blended with them in the way only a female can—with a oneness that truly made her belong to nature, or perhaps more accurately, that made nature belong to her. Bend for bend, curve for curve, nature complemented her figure and accentuated the statements being made with this art.
But what was the statement? I wasn’t sure, yet I knew what it wasn’t. Not smutty. Not cheap. Not light. Not classic. This was something new and was having parts of my brain firing that hadn’t fired before. Artists have always appreciated the beauty of the female form—the angles and symmetry, the contortions and shapes, the subtle mixed with the obvious. And though these efforts had always been a deeper appreciation than simply stating “she’s hot”, perhaps it, too, fell short of the truth: that there’s more than just beauty embodied in the feminine form. These black and whites revealed this.
After a few minutes, an average-sized white man with white hair approached me and Mark. He was the photographer. I expressed my appreciation and asked immediately afterwards: what is your art trying to say?
“My pictures are about revealing the power of women.”
(All right, I have to admit I had a bit of an eye-rolling moment here. I assumed phrases like “power of women” to be attempts by historically-discriminated groups to feel good about themselves. But despite this knee-jerk reaction, I listened. The art had me. I never took seriously the idea that perhaps there is a real, different power at work in the world. And just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.)
“Think of it this way”, he started, “we commonly recognize a mountain as being the essence of ‘power’. It’s steady; it’s enormous; it’s daunting and hard to conquer. But now consider the flowing river. It’s not sturdy, it’s not so daunting, so it’s not ‘powerful’ to us. But in 10,000 years, the river has carved that mountain. That’s feminine power.”
He went on that we in America have only really appreciated masculine, “mountain” power. We haven’t recognized the power of women.
I then gave the expected retort, “Yeah, but look at Hillary Clinton or other female governors or CEO’s such a Meg Whitman.”
“Yes”, he responded, “but they got to the top not because of their feminine power; they got there because they got balls.”
Hmm, that was interesting; even women recognized for their strength and power may not necessarily be figures of feminine power. Are we that blind to this notion, that our culture blankets the nation? This is what turned a flicker of light into a glow, realizing the possibility of there being a whole other force at work in humanity—perhaps even the world. This was exciting.
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I shelved this experience and let the wisdom bake in the back of my head. I would soon be off to live in China. Little did I know that my time there would open my eyes to this power in action and have me experience it within myself.
[Note: China has a traditional, male-head-of-the-household, male-dominated domestic and business climate. Nonetheless, femininity is enhanced throughout the country and culture.]
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Right away in China, I got the sense that the gauge that read the feminine/masculine-o-meter was more in the center. Things that seemed blatantly or typically, if not stereotypically, feminine were abundant.
First, I came to see that citizens there feel a closeness with one another that doesn’t usually exist back in the U.S. What’s more, this is evident top to bottom as laws are made to protect the culture and the unit (less concerned about, and at times at the expense of, the individual). Looking upward, most citizens will defend their leadership, and individuals there are less willing to stick their neck out and be an original. Unity is preferred; no need to rock the boat.
Amongst each other, the interaction and expression also seem more feminine. Regularly you’ll see two friends walking hand-in-hand:
Probably not lesbians
A couple of women in this manner in America get the label of “lesbian” pretty quick—not to mention the speed at which “gay” is tossed over to two dudes clasping palms. Men don’t do this as often, but it’s not rare to see a couple straight-laced fellas walking around with arms around each other:
Probably not gay
Expectantly, it was the men who stuck out when femininity is stronger—especially when compared with the masculine men of America. In China, many men carry themselves with a more delicate walk, prettied hair, and some sport lengthy, manicured fingernails. Fisherman and other figures of masculinity commonly pull their shirts up over their midriffs.
None of this is considered strange or shameful in the least. It’s normal, completely acceptable, and apparently women don’t mind it, maybe even are attracted to it.
Young Chinese men
[Note: I don’t claim this to reflect all Chinese men. I spent most of my time in the southern region. It very well might be that those in the south differ from other Chinese in this manner.]
The whole organization and operation of China, though, seems to be threaded with this different, feminine fabric. But if China was running on more feminine power, I was still just seeing the signs and not yet understanding what the middle-aged artist meant by feminine power.
But I would. Because after seeing this live performance in China for some weeks, it was my turn to get on stage and experience this power myself.
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I had been a member of an athletic club since arriving in China and had been on board with the yoga classes. One day I came to class ready to stretch and pose. I looked around, though, and realized that my classmates were all different and were all women. Then again, most yoga classmates were women, so I didn’t think too much of it.
Soon one woman who knew a bit of English introduced herself to me in such a way as to reveal some surprise at me being there—more surprise than normal to see an American guy in their yoga class. I gave another cautious look around and wondered. When the instructor arrived, they told me this was “balance class”.
All right, well, it’s not yoga, but whatever. Balance sounds cool. So I decided to stay put.
Then the music started.
Uh…boy.
After the first beat of the first song, I knew this was far beyond the gender-neutral territory of yoga and over to the land of the Lifetime Channel. The music was slow, light, and passionate; the dance moves were smooth and methodic: light touches, limp wrists, and weightless limbs.
It was so feminine.
In the room of 25 Chinese women, my 6’1” thin, pale frame moved awkwardly. I was self-conscious, but something about being away from home allowed me the freedom to not care so much. I gave it my light-footed best with sweeping leg moves and such.
And you know what? I felt something. I first felt it in my hands, then torso, then mind and heart.
Whatever that something was, the dance leader exuded it, and it was the same something in the black and white pictures at the art fair. All that grace and delicacy was unfrozen, moving right before my eyes. Her example and my humble attempts had me feeling the power of the river the photographer mentioned a few months prior.
One move was a lifting of the hands—wrists touching—raising in front of the chest, then face, then the sky. It let you feel the air like your limbs were moving through water.
My instructor, in all her power
Only there was no water. The substance explored was life.
And I think that’s just the point.
I had become intimately aware of my life, of life in general; and no doubt the sensation I felt was a powerful one.
It hit me: Feminine power is the praise of life: growth, potential, hope, expression. This opposed aspects of the power I had previously only known. Yes, there was still some element of “fight” in this power, but even this is a passionate battle that moves delicately—not physically aggressive. It’s a patient power and a persistent one that nurtures and soaks in every moment. It honors and expresses the joy of the freedom to live life.
How beautiful, how important, how…powerful!
A respect and a separate-but-equal understanding dawned on me. Feminine power is real, and to recognize its presence is to better respect and appreciate femininity—and those who embody it.
Immersing myself and not holding back to this energy, if even for just this class, opened my eyes by escaping the arena I had known and heralded as a typical, American guy—or just a typical American for that matter. Like a fish leaping out of water, I could now see the “water” I had been surrounded by my whole life. Thus, I had a new grasp on masculine power.
Heck, it was visible right on the other side of the window from the yoga room! As we were lifting our hands, men were over by the weights lifting plates of metal.
Domination, competition, proving yourself, demonstrating your worth by defeating or conquering something—an opponent, a barbell, a goal, a calculus problem, a trophy buck, a competing business, another country. Making it to the top—this is what gets masculine power fired up, and it explains a lot: from why men try to appear intimidating, to why they impress others with a flashy, head-turning car.
Then when comparing the influence of these two types of power back in the U.S., the sentiment from the middle-aged artist sunk in a bit deeper. I saw how America is defined by masculine power.
It boasts extraordinary accomplishments spurred on by extraordinary competitiveness. (At the same time, we see how this power-drive can occur with little regard for the well-being of others.)
Drama is defined by these terms: the idea of the comeback, winning the game after falling way behind, the small-market team that defeats the big-city squad. This is all shaped from the masculine-power point of view of defeating something. Seeing it done in such a drawn-out fashion keeps our intense attention.
Even feminism, the activism of equaling the playing field, has in large part been practiced on a masculine-power plain by advocating that women are as good at masculine power as men, rather than advocating for equal appreciation of feminine strengths.
This bias has colored the whole discussion within our culture. The consequence is that we miss out on the life-enhancing, life-giving beauty of feminine power.
Recognize femininity as a unique power rather than a lack thereof.
Otherwise, our idea of feminine power looks something like this:
And we continue to under-appreciate and choke it off.
♦◊♦
To conclude, I found a new meaning of “strength”. This strength is a measure of the muscles that femininity uniquely flexes. It’s a strength of finding the beauty and importance in the life that’s happening right before you each moment and then the passion to nourish what you see.
If you don’t care to experience this strength, at least acknowledge that it’s there. The recognition of it will increase understanding and respect for the feminine folk in your life as well as the societies that embrace it. And if you do absorb some of these strengths then you are opening yourself up to new experiences, to a new type of power. After all, feminism and feminine power are not monopolized by women.
In this piece, we identified feminine power. Part two of this article series will address the need to implement it in America. We live in a different world today that requires a holistic approach to moving ahead, to adding feminine strengths to the developed, masculine-power muscles already flexed in America. It’ll take “Good Men” to do so.
—Photo celesteh/Flickr
About Brandon Ferdig
I’m not certain what makes the distinction clear that something is masculine power, and something feminine power.
Is is by using gender essentialism and saying “men are expected to have masculine power…therefore it’s masculine”? Because that sounds pretty circular to me.
Thanks for this article! You certainly have me reconsidering some things.
You are looking at China through the lens of contemporary American notions of masculine expression. Why would you believe these markers are universal?
They are expressing Chinese masculinity. These men were expressing masculinity as their culture understands it. Why are you calling it feminine, when it is not as defined by their culture.
Assigning American femininity to the behaviour of these Chinese men will cause you to continue to completely misread them
I lived in China for a while, and I noticed as well that people were not self-conscious about doing things that in America would make you “look gay.” That’s because I brought my own non-Chinese biases about masculinity and heterosexuality.
The long, manicured nails on men is a function of class as much as gender, if it’s about gender at all. If you have short fingernails and calloused hands, it shows you’re a backward peasant. If you have the disposable income and lifestyle to maintain long, clean nails, it’s a sign of economic success. For the same reason, many Chinese women try to avoid getting suntans, because tan skin means you work outside, like those hicks from the countryside.
What I found fascinating is that there’s a kind of paradox in Chinese homophobia. Although this is changing among younger people, for many people in China, being gay or lesbian is so outside the realm of possibility, so supposedly contrary to everything, that they don’t worry about it at all. Many assume that homosexuality is basically a Western import, that Chinese people simply aren’t gay, so there’s no need to be paranoid about it, so why not put your arms around each other? Straight people there just don’t seem to have the same paranoia about being thought of as gay, precisely because they just don’t think about it as much of a possibility. It’s like homophobia that’s gone so far that it’s fallen off the stage. (At least, for those who aren’t gay.)
This article reminds me of the Chinese woman I met who thought that China should just nuke Taiwan flat and get it over with. Serves those traitors right, in her mind. Is she feminine or masculine?
Great question, Jameseq.
I came to believe that there is a human-universal masculinity and femininity. My explanation isn’t that there are different plains or continuums of femininity/masculinity, as it seems you may be suggesting, but that different cultures fall on different places on the same line, that humans are similar enough to share the same spectrum of these traits.
That being said, it wasn’t so much my certainty about Chinese men being feminine that I wanted to stress–though that was an important observation of mine.
It’s that femininity is a power to acknowledge and respect–not an absence of power. And I think that we in America see masculine, dominant power as synonymous with power in general, and as a consequence, don’t recognize the power behind femininity.
Part two of this series explains why this one-sided understanding is troubling.
“It’s that femininity is a power to acknowledge and respect–not an absence of power. And I think that we in America see masculine, dominant power as synonymous with power in general, and as a consequence, don’t recognize the power behind femininity.”
I’ll agree with that. Feminity has power, and many ignore it.
Though if you define men and males by how much masculine power they have, and deride any feminity, even as infants, because god help us if your son/nephew plays with dolls! Well, then you end up telling everyone (men and women) that feminity is something special that ONLY women can do/have, but that men MUST have power…thus you can’t define feminity as power.
See the dilemma?
America worships at the altar of the masculine. All of us, men AND women, have been bombarded from birth with imagery and prototypes of masculinity as good and strong and femininity as bad and weak and it instills in ALL of us a masculine bias. As people from other parts of the world will tell us, “even your women are masculine.” And they’re right. We have a long way to go to re-establish a better balance. Not only do we not have enough women in positions of power, the women we DO have in those positions also favor the masculine. Hillary Clinton is not an example of a “feminine” leader. She’s an example of a masculine leader who just happens to be a woman. In fact, Americans have a very tough time identifying any truly feminine approach to anything as good, especially leadership. That we are so blind to the beauty, power and necessity of true femininity hampers us in so many ways and makes our society more impatient, cruel, and short-sighted than it really needs to be.
I’m no expert, but I hope my input is helpful or at the very least somewhat interesting. I really liked this article because I too have felt the “feminine” power in men and “masculine” power in women that you describe.
I think perhaps using the terms “feminine” and “Masculine” might be what keeps confusing people. I understood your distinction but it’s hard for people not to think “woman” when they hear “feminine” and “man” when they hear “masculine. I think that, truthfully, both men and women carry both ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ traits, or ‘projective’ and ‘receptive’ as I’ve heard them called before. The ‘receptive’ is only considered to be ‘feminine’ and the ‘projective’ traits masculine because they were the traits that were culturally encouraged in women and men respectively, and the traits that worked best for the culture. We can see the same parallels in the animal kingdom, where depending on the social structure of the animals and their mating habits, both females and males will vary in ‘gender roles’ as mates and as parents.
Also, typically, due to our biology (likely due to natural and sexual selection) more women have tended to be predominantly receptive (predominantly meaning they are ruled more by so called “feminine” traits but still possess “masculine” traits) and most men have have shown tendency to be predominantly projective. Physiology must play a role to some extent. However I also think that just because it’s typical doesn’t mean it’s the rule, and there are much more variations in inherit and innate ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ traits in both men and women than we think. Additionally, the role culture, family, community and personal experience play in fostering and quelling those traits must also play a role in the outcome.
I think the problem we have understanding gender roles as related to our sex is that we think of gender as opposites. You are either masculine or feminine. Realistically, gender itself is culturally created expectations for a sex. ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ traits are part of every human’s psychology, man or woman, and though there are both biological and cultural reasons why one sex may feel more inclined towards one or the other, I think they are not as separate as we think.
It’s much like how one can be more predominantly left or right brained, but (if you are a healthy bodied person) your brain still functions fully on both sides.
Of course this is nothing but an amateur theory based on observation, but I’m interested to see if anyone has anything to add for or against it.
If I may throw in a little “Eastern philosophy” spin on things, I think there’s a philosophical difference between East and West that comes into play. In the West, we tend to think of “male” and “female” as total opposites, as things that are mutually exclusive to each other. In some East Asian philosophies, male and female are thought of as opposite to each other but also interconnected to each other. To be male means you have some female characteristics, and vice versa. The two are not necessarily in tension with each other, but reinforce each other. The Yin/Yang symbol shows a little bit of black in the white and a little bit of white in the black. The Daoist goal is integrating two opposites into some sort of balance.
Both points of view are somewhat flawed, because male and female are not the only two gender choices, and they are not technically opposite to each other. Even if there were only two options, that doesn’t mean that the two options are opposites. The “oppositeness” of male and female is overstated and seldom questioned. Being “very different” is not actually the same as being “opposite.”
Agreed, and well put.
Well, I can’t help asking cynically if the photos of women’s power included any nude pictures of women over 40? Overweight women?
I think it’s important not to romanticize other cultures. They’re different, but they’re far from perfect. In a country where the sexes live somewhat separately, there can be a lot of freedom and companionship. There may also be rules keeping women out of certain places like public cafes.
There may be a recognition of the power of women and femininity, but real power over things like job opportunities are critical.
Yes, you are correct. Finally! A western male starts to get it. Not completely, but a start.
All this hue and cry about patriarchy, completely misses the obvious, that the feminine has an inherent power that is fundamentally different from the way that masculinity wields its power.
Men can gain enormous understanding about the world, about women, politics, nature, and science, when they begin to explore the feminine. But this is just a middle stage.
To truly integrate the feminine essence as men, we must bring that understanding back into the masculine fold, under the aegis of maleness. Only then will understanding be complete.
your distinctions between “feminine power” and “masculine power” are flawed and incredibly sexist (though i’m sure you had the best of intentions). by separating the two so distinctly, you’re perpetuating the stereotype that women are nurturing, sensual, and patient (i.e., maternal or submissive figures), while men are strong, powerful (in the classical sense), and possibly ruthless (i.e., paternal or dominant figures).
the comment about hilary clinton is a great example of this. she is described not to have “feminine power,” but to have “balls.” she is a woman, right? she has boobs and a vagina? two x chromosomes? of course. ergo, any trait that she possesses is inherently a “feminine” trait, as she is a female. to say that she has “masculine power” is ridiculous. like a woman can’t wear makeup and be a strong, dominant leader? she’s either butch or femme?
it’s important to acknowledge women being able to possess any of the traits that a male could and not have it looked at as them no longer acting like a girl, but rather as a man. we need to get away from this classification of what “masculine” and “feminine” traits are, if we hope to see any real progress in how women are valued in society. they shouldn’t have to be valued as just caretakers and gentle lovers, but to be valued as leaders in the same way that men are. although you specify that not all feminine people are female and not all masculine people are male, does nothing to cover up these outdated views on how women (or men who act like women) are versus how men are.
also, feminine power? what does that even entail? their power to carve mountains over thousands of years of erosion? it’s all a bit ridiculous to be honest.
rather than appreciate the “power of women” it would be better to say that we should appreciate the power in subtly, patience, understanding, and these other “soft” traits, instead of just the powers of brue force and dominance. but to link them directly to a gender identity is sexist
I agree with alysha on this. Hillary Clinton has the same kind of feminine power that I watched my mother, sister, and elementary school teachers wield–NONE of it subtle, patient, etc.
Art which emphasizes this kind of misconception is just rehashing the same old story; women are “soft,” men are “hard,” and the most natural way for a woman to be powerful is by being like a river, and the most natural way for a man to be powerful is by being like a mountain. The woman has to BORROW from men to be more “superficially, outwardly” powerful and the man has to BORROW from women to be more “subtle and patient.” Blah blah blah media lens, cultural bias, same old, same old.
Allow me to adjust your post to reflect what my message is: FEMININITY is “soft,” MASCULINE is “hard,” and the most natural way for the FEMININE to be powerful is by being like a river, and the most natural way for the MASCULINE to be powerful is by being like a mountain.
And even this I wouldn’t say, but it’s a better start.
Evidently, since these aren’t the first comments to miss this mark, I didn’t make it clear in the article, and that’s my bad. But if you re-read it (besides the comment from the artist) I never said anything about men and women being a certain way. Readers are inferring this. I even said that femininity doesn’t belong to women and the same with men and masculinity.
This distinction makes all the difference.
i didn’t misunderstand your article. femininity, by definition, are traits that pertain to woman. ovaries are feminine. periods are feminine. personality traits cannot be assigned a gender without being inherently sexist. even if you’re saying men can be feminine or women can be masculine, it still entails the separation of gender-identities based on whether they’re outwardly powerful or subtle.
i’m not saying you were intentionally being sexist, but this whole idea that being feminine means you’re soft and beautiful, is incredibly played out.
brandon, a much needed fresh male perspective. please keep writing for TGMP…your voice is needed as more men look for an alternative to patriarchy and domination hierarchies. again thank you!
This is an excellent article and I’d love to read part 2. I can’t find it if it’s already posted. If I missed it could you please let me know? If it’s not up yet… consider this my vote.
This is a beautiful article. I understand exactly what the author is saying. I was born in Asia and have spent the past decade or more in the US. Feminine power is embodied more in a woman. That doesn’t mean she is not embodying masculine powers. Because the wholeness cannot exist without each other. What this means is that a woman can be focused, very strong, goal oriented,singular thinking (dominating instead of seeking approval) and any other masculine power. These are not associated with the male gender. Just think of them as labeled or name given as masculine. And powers such as giving (takes a lot of power to give), nourishing, growing, bringing unity are labeled feminine . Depending on our surroundings we may be portraying a dominance of one of these traits or powers. As a nation or society the west is more masculine. There is a reason why the east is more nourishing – be it yoga or spirituality.. looking within is a feminine trait. That doesn’t mean men are not associated with these. Infact only when they are adopted in men can they be a whole person. Its best suggested by Yin-Yang Or in the depiction of Shiva as Ardhanaarishwara ( Half man, half woman) to be a whole god. Similarly the godesses have the loving and nourishing feminine aspects in lakshmi and saraswati and powerful masculine in the form of Shakti. That doesnt mean she is not a woman in that form. Its just that the masculine energy is tamed and exuding to meet the need of the moment (conquering and taking control). I think its very easy to misjudge and take offense unless we really read this article with love and patience which is again a non confrontational feminine power
Cant wait to read the next article.