What fictional character
do you most wish
was a real person?
Sometimes you read a book or watch a movie or TV show and become so infatuated with a specific character that you begin to resent the fact that they are a fictional construct–a person who doesn’t actually exist in the real world, but is instead an elaborate fantasy created by a writer, actor, director, editor and other folks who might have played an important part in their creation.
Even though you know it isn’t possible, you find yourself imagining what the world would have been like if this person had once been flesh and blood and a part of our real history. For anyone blessed with an active imagination, it’s a frequently wonderful trip to take.
In my case, it’s not a single character who inspires such idle daydreams, but instead a trio of attractive young women who–had they not been the creations of Roger Ebert, Russ Meyer, Dolly Read, Cynthia Myers, Marcia McBroom, Stu Phillips and Lynn Carey–would have probably ranked at the top of my list of greatest rock bands of all time.
I am, of course, talking about The Carrie Nations:
For those of you unfamiliar with this made-up group who make my heart happy, lemme provide some context. They are the characters at the centre of Russ Meyer and Roger Ebert’s extravagant major studio satire of late 60s excess–Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Baring no relation whatsoever to Jacqueline Susann’s original novel or the camp classic movie that came from it, BtVoD tells the tale of three beautiful young musicians whose lives are forever changed by their decision to pursue fame and fortune in Hollywood.
Kelly McNamara, lead singer and guitar
Casey Anderson, bass and backing vocals
Petronella Danforth, drums and backing vocals
Spotted almost immediately by a young wunderkind producer named Z-Man (imagine Phil Spector with a really huge secret) the trio are put through the show business wringer after their hit songs start climbing up the charts. By the end of the movie (spoiler) one of them is dead and the other two have apparently given up on show business for wedded bliss with two lame-os.
Now I suppose many of you are assuming that my affection for these characters is based largely on their physical appeal, but the honest truth is that I genuinely love The Carrie Nations as a band. With songs written and produced by Stu Phillips and sang by Mama Lion’s Lynn Carey, they have an energy and power that makes me wish they had really existed and had a full multi-decade discography I could put on shuffle on iTunes. “Find It” (the song in the clip embedded above) is probably one of my favourite musical tracks of all time and it’s kinda annoying that the band responsible for it never actually existed, but was instead as real as The Archies.
And having just watched that video, I think I have a backup answer to this question if I ever need one.
I’m in love with Stan from Mad Men.
The Doctor!
Mark Darcy.