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She accepts you as a work-in-progress, and sees your future greatness.
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I’m an entrepreneur and artist who’s constantly grinding to try and make something of myself. You could say I’m on my path, but I’m miles and horizons away from the place I really want to be. So naturally, this is going to make dating and finding an amazing woman who will have me that much more difficult.
The conversation trying to explain to them what I’m doing with my time and what I’m trying to accomplish becomes completely exhausting. And in the end, some women just don’t get it. They move on to some other more established guy who’s already made his mark on the world.
So how do you find a woman that will not only appreciate all the work you’re putting in for such little tangible rewards, or better yet, understand everything you’re going through? So how do you find real, lasting love when you’re still learning, growing, broke, and in the process of becoming the person you want to be? Well, you find the kind of girl who will love you through the struggle.
Who is this woman exactly?
She’s the type of woman whose awesomeness shines through in very subtle ways, such as her ability to understand, accept, and support somebody who’s a “work in progress”. Because success isn’t just made overnight, and if you want to achieve a high level of success, a lot of the time that requires a high level of struggling at some point in time.
This woman is rare and special because she’s a little like a talent scout, or an expert character interpreter who has a skill at sizing people up very accurately. This woman is able to see potential, and she can date potential. She doesn’t need you to be the man about town, or the kind of guy who can get her at the top of the reservations list at the new hottest restaurant in town. She’s perfectly fine with standing by your side, holding your hand at the back of the line.
She doesn’t need some guy who’s the epitome of status, who will inflate her reputation in her social community by dating him. In fact, she is happy to foot the bill when you’re in the financial gutter and makes jokes to the waiter about playing the part of “sugar momma” tonight. She understands your process and knows exactly how hard you’re trying to become successful, better yet, she wants to help you become successful every which way she can.
She’s the type of woman who’s aware of things. She’s adept at understanding the ways of people, she has layers to her, and she can see the layers of others. She doesn’t take the world at its surface appearance, but looks a little further and with a more investigative eye.
She’s a real person, who is genuine and doesn’t get tangled in surface qualities of power, money, and status. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, which helps her associate with the right kind of people (again being a talent scout).
She doesn’t get bogged down by the smoke and mirrors images of guys who flaunt their possessions to attract women. In fact, this girl despises this sort of exchange, as if dating was some sort of hollow and peripheral bartering system that can be handled with a business-like mentality.
This is because this woman grew up fending for herself. She grew up a strong person, who was able to carve out her own space in the world. For this reason she is desirable, real, and most importantly, she understands the fight you must endure to make a name for yourself.
Now the process, this is the big one. This woman understands the process you’re going through in trying to become successful. She understands and respects what you’re going through, because she’s going through this exact same process herself. This woman wants to be successful just as badly as you do. This girl wants to become an individual person in the world, not just some half of a man’s income, or prize that can be shown off at dinner parties.
She appreciates all the work you’re putting in to get to where you want to go. Not only that, but she supports, and offers solutions, ideas, and strategies to help you get there. And the biggest thing is that she gives you the space you need to work on your stuff. She’ll tell you, “Babe I’m busy, too…just do your stuff and we’ll get together when it works”.
There’s no passive-aggressive sub-text, nothing to fumble your focus. She doesn’t need 24/7 upkeep and attention, but rather she’s perfectly fine with just listening to you ramble on about your day, both struggles and triumphs.
This gives you enough space to grow within your relationship, to the point that you can make both a relationship and your personal development work, better yet you can make both flourish. This makes her the ultimate cheerleader, but with brains and wisdom to boot.
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My friends always say, “Oh just think of the girls you’ll be able to get once you become super successful”. Or they’ll just say you should become a “work monk” and swear off dating altogether until you’ve made your fortune, or achieved some level of notoriety that will increase your value on the dating market.
But I disagree. I don’t think you should swear off women just because you can barely afford to buy them a decent dinner, or buy them a drink at the bar.
You need to find the woman who loves you for who you are now and will respect and admire you for the person you’re trying to become. You don’t want some girl who will only know the polished and refined version of you, after you’ve already gone through all the blood, sweat, and tears.
Find a woman who’s willing to take the journey with you. The type of woman that will be by your side when you reach your goals, when you check things off your list, as you fight everyday to be the right kind of man.
Find the type of woman who will love you when you’re rough around the edges and in the depths of your struggle. For the one who will put up with you through that time is the most special kind of woman.
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A version of this post appeared on the author’s blog.
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Photo: iStock
Right!
This is the rare kind of a real Woman – one who MAKES her man, and through him – her success.
Everybody else – the majority, unfortunately – are after collecting the profits without investing anything. This approach doesn’t work, as in ‘never’.
Women are not made to succeed in the society by themselves; exceptions are rare, superficial, and devastating. The True Success for a Woman – to inspire her man and to help him achieve everything he can, getting corresponding rewards. Not only material.
What if you support that man, understand his goals, ideas, and aspirations, and he doesn’t appreciate you? He doesn’t value your input in his life? What if you give and do all you said and he takes you for granted??
In such case – he’s not your man, Clear it up with him, and either fix the situation, or split. A zero is also a number, you know 😉
What if this struggling man has no time to give to her lady! Time is equally important for nurturing the relationship. How will he get to know her if he is busy achieving his goals!
Balance. If he has no time for you – he’s using you. Make the conclusions!
Not a thing that exists.
i met a woman who used to beg me to marry her. She would fall down to my feet and cry and beg and threaten suicide if i don’t marry her. i still have her letters that she used to write to me with all this stuff. But in public or in front of her friends she would be ashamed of me bec i’m black and make fun of me. When i started dating someone she would show up at that exact spot where i was to meet the girl and spend evening or day with both of us uninvited.… Read more »
I found her, and had a glorious relationship with her, but have lost her. I’m a Silversmith and Artist and in the last 6 months I’ve lost my studio, I’ve lost my focus, can’t centre myself and having trouble finding my way forward and she doesn’t like that and can’t deal with it, she says I need to strengthen up, reclaim my masculinity, centre myself and become focused , so we’re no longer a couple, we are friends but no longer together and that for me has just made things worse than they already were i can’t find enough money… Read more »
Well said! In the United States, it seems that there are two type of women. One type is the traditional type as Jamie described in the article. The other type is somewhat like the traditional type, but she wants to be entrepreneurial too. This type of girl likes dating an entrepreneur because she wants to be an entrepreneur too. However, she wants to go into it risk-free by expecting the man to pay for everything. Nothing wrong with new entrepreneurs that start their businesses with 2-3 years worth of savings. Although, that is far from typical nowadays. It is not… Read more »
What about those of that are successful that want support to rise even further?
I’ve already found this kind of woman. Unfortunately it was all a mask and she was fake to the bone. In fact she was a monster, a predator waiting for its pray. Because of that I got to the conclusion that this sort of woman doesn’t exist. She’s a unicorn. Something that everybody desires, but doesn’t actually exist.
I am one of them…..I married my husband when he had no job, and no car. 5 years later six figure salary, he is dumping me with two kids and is extremely mean to me and so charming to his girlfriend whom he has been seeing for three months now. I am beyond heartbroken. So yes those kind of women exist but they end up like me.
I had a very similar experience. She was a predator who liked honed in on people she thought were “losers” because they would be more apt to tolerate her rages and abusive behavior. Tellingly, she couldn’t hold on to any friendships that weren’t based on the friend needing her material support.
I agree with your comments Jamie. In fact both parties should show the same consideration to each other. We are a work in progress our whole lives. Many couples look back on their lives and consider the times when they were forging their careers or building their business as the most exciting times of their lives.
I encourage singles to look at values, similar goals and a great attitude as the most important qualities in potential partners.
Easier said than done, especially if you are the woman who’s given her energy to accept and stay patient with a man who is a work in progress. But I do wish this applies to a family man too. Who is not only focused on work, but on being a good Dad too. We’re all focused on finding the right one, why can’t we just love ourselves first and spare the loved one of the pain of having to put up with endless excuses of saying, they’re a work in progress. lol.
I like what you said here and I always followed that belief. However, I just read here yesterday from another contributor that we all must find someone who is perfectly happy and that we can’t fix anyone and everyone needs to be by themselves until they learn to love themselves. We start reading differing things and we start second guessing ourselves and looking for things that might not be there. Clearly one size does not fit all. I’ll take the person you described here any day.