Fixing My Wife When She’s Not Broken

rsz_not_listening

All Doug Zeigler wanted to do was fix what was upsetting his wife. When she finally got through to him about what she needed…it changed everything.

My wife is upset. Not about anything I’ve done, just upset over daily stressors. My gut reaction is I want to distract her from whatever is bothering her and to get her to smile. I think “If I can just get her to smile, it will all be OK.” In other words, I want to fix whatever’s wrong.

But she doesn’t need fixing. She needs me to listen and be there for her, not offer up solutions. But that instinctual need to protect and deflect all of the bad from her is drowning out the logic that is fighting to stay at the front lines of this self-warfare.  I start by saying something silly, my normal approach to “helping” my wife. The opening salvo launched to combat her frustrations and unhappiness. I’m usually pretty deft at this dance, but this time she just looked at me and said, “Stop trying to fix me and LISTEN.” She didn’t say it angrily, she just said it matter-of-factly.

So I did exactly that. I sat on the couch, just hearing what she had to say. Not just hearing the words she said, but processing what she said instead of immediately reacting. I will say it was not easy for me to just absorb what she said without trying to deflect her mind from what was causing her stress and anxiety. I even interjected a few times, but managed to stop myself from joking or making a reference to what might help. I was her sounding board; a place to verbally throw her thoughts and feelings that were weighing her down and have them roll down that wall so they didn’t infect her mind and spirit. Or maybe I was more like a vomit bag in that case. Either way, she needed to jettison the bad and harmful out of her, and she needed me to handle the onslaught.

It was difficult for me to keep my yap shut, but it was therapeutic for her. She was able to get this off her chest and not “advised” on what to do. She knew what she needed to do before she started spilling her frustrations. I think it’s somewhat like a teakettle: she just needed to let off some steam.

So back to this listening thing. Turns out you need to do more than let the words enter your ear and make their way to your brain.

It’s cliche to say that communication is the key to successful relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Too often (I’m more guilty than most, I’m afraid) men think of communication as just was what words fly out of our mouths, be they poignant or benign. But what about non-verbal communication? According to Psychology Today, a 1967 study done by Albert Mehrabian demonstrates that 55% of communication is attributable to body language, 38% to tone of voice, and a mere 7% of communication is from the actual words spoken. YE GODS! If we’re taking into account just the words someone is saying, we’re missing out on over 90% what’s meant to be relayed to us. Hell, even if we get the tone of what’s being said along with the words, we’re still under 50% of total reception. Less than half! If I link that to my knee jerk reaction to want to stem the turmoil in my wife’s brain (which honestly begins as soon as I can sense the tone of what she’s saying, which effectively cuts off my mind being fully invested in listening. I’m too consumed with trying to correct it to devote my full attention), then I’m clearly not even CLOSE to hearing and comprehending what she’s telling me.

So back to this listening thing. Turns out you need to do more than let the words enter your ear and make their way to your brain. You need to multitask: pay attention to the tone of their voice; notice and appreciate the nuances of their facial expressions; take note of hand gestures (even the one-fingered variety). The environment matters too. She’s certainly not going to be as frank in, say, a super market as she would be in your living room. Little things matter, and by being more aware and using all your senses to listen instead of only using your ears, you’ll be communicating on a level you didn’t think was possible. It’s important to remember, though, that everyone’s nonverbal communication is unique to them. So is yours. The upside to this is over time you’ll develop a whole unwritten language between one another.  No decoder ring needed, either!

This sort of thing takes practice. Considering the years and years of mental programming that went into me wanting so badly to fix the world for those I love, it’s not surprising that it can’t be undone in just a few sessions of this new way of communicating. I still struggle mightily with it, and I’m certain that I’ll continue to struggle with it for some time. But it’s worth the effort to try. I connect with my wife so much deeper than I have with anyone else, and I attribute it to my change in approach along with my insanely intense attraction to her on all levels. That sounds cliche too, but again, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

A funny realization that came from all this: all those years of wanting to “fix” whatever was bothering or hurting or stressing out those that I love? All along, it was me that needed the fixing.

Photo-Flickr:MadRussianPhotography

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About Doug Zeigler

Doug is a husband, a father of four, a tech and video game geek. In his rare spare moments, he enjoys good books and even better beers, exploring new things, places and food with his wife and Kentucky basketball. He also possesses a vast knowledge of 80's music that he hopes will pay off big at some random trivia night.

Comments

  1. What a lovely article to read. I want to say well done to you for managing to listen, even though you found it hard. I’m now wondering if you’d get any value in maybe doing some counseling classes to develop your new found skills? Just a thought.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      It’s a wonderful though, Marj..just not sure how I’d even go about that? Besides, I’m no expert, I just managed to figure this out with my wife. She’s great at giving feed back and prompts, so we work well together. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

      • You never know Doug what’s around the corner. Being able to still your desire to provide a solution is so hard. Fair play to your wife for working with you. I understand how hard it must have been for both of you to do that!

  2. leandro Leite says:

    Awesome article. I feel like I’m committing this same crime recently. And I understand what your wife have been through, my ex used to try to help me so hard that sometimes it was another problem, and it’s funny how I end up doing the same. I’ll watch myself closely now.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      Leandro, It’s easy to get sucked into that mindset, and hard to set your self back a bit and just really take in what the one you love is saying. Keep trying, because it will help you more than you know!

  3. This is why we all need a good social network. Your wife is unloading on you like she would on her female friends. You are NOT her female friend. Your job as a husband is to fix things. That’s in your DNA. That’s what real men do. If she just wants to unload emotionally, tell her “if you have the energy to complain about something, you have the energy to fix it”. She will instantly get angry. Then tell her to call her best female friend. Outwardly, she’ll give you a world of shit. Inwardly, she will be thanking you for being so strong and being a real man.

    You are a man, you do NOT need fixing just for being a man and communicating like one. In fact, if you end up being “fixed”, your wife will lose respect for you and then you can start looking at divorce. As a man, you must fix things. This is not social conditioning. This is part of your DNA. If your wife doesn’t understand that, she needs some basic lessons in gender biology.

    So do you.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      I do appreciate your opinion, Private Man. But your premise seems to be that ALL MEN are genetically hardwired to fix things. That simply isn’t true in my experience. I’ve seen and met all types of men who deal with relationships in their own way, yours included.

      I also think that my job as a husband is more than to *just* fix things. Being a husband and father is so expansive and nuanced today that no man is *just* one thing. And I don’t think it’s too much to ask of me to simply listen to my wife when she needs it; she certainly does that for me. Fair is fair, no?

      Thanks for taking time out of your day to read and respond!

    • Private Man
      What you say is true-There is nothing wrong that a guys natural tendency is to fix problems.Yes Thats what is intrinsic to his DNA and the tendency is to be respected because thats him.But he just listening to her as she wants to be heard is going to be more effective in bonding her to him.Else he is going to have that much of her bonding experience less.Its upto him to pick what he wants all the while remaining a “man” anyway.

    • “Gender biology” – what an oxymoron. If this is the way you behave towards women you’re in a relationship with – belittling, dismissive, and unavailable – try asking your partner’s “best female friend” what she really thinks about you.

    • @The Private Man…. “That’s what real men do”

      I’ve never seen a complete definition anywhere about what a “real man” is or does, nor where it is coded in their DNA. Where does it say that it’s impossible to listen and really hear what another human being says? Happy to be corrected if there’s a rule book you can point me to.

      Thanks for posting your interesting viewpoint though.

  4. This is a great article. Listening is so important, because everyone wants to feel like they’re heard, and sometimes when someone is so focused on fixing your problems it feels like they’re actually ignoring you. And listening can be all the fix that’s needed.

    • And, it’s good for the venting person to be able to listen to the “fixer” person. It goes both ways — don’t totally dismiss what someone says just because it sounds too much like fixing.

  5. FlyingKal says:

    Lots and lots have been written on this subject, and there seems to be another article every week here on GMP.

    However. Every now and then there actually is a woman in your vicinity, it might even be your partner, who actually need your support and help. And it would be nice to have something to acknowledge that, just for a change if nothing else.
    Not all women are the same, every single day.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      That certainly is true, FlyingKal, that not all women are the same. The same can be said for men, which is the only experience I can speak from. This article was just speaking to how my wife and I communicate. This doesn’t mean I think it will work for everyone. Just offering what works for me and my wife.

      The Good Men Project has a wide array of articles from all different kinds of men and women and their experiences. I encourage you to explore the whole site and enjoy all it has to offer.

      • If you can point me to one single article (an actual, serious one, that is) on “How to fix your wife’s/GF’s problem, and not just listen to it.” here on GMP or anywhere else on the www, I promise you I’ll be all over it in a pig’s blink, sir…
        :-) :-)

      • FlyingKal says:

        And also, if this article was JUST speaking to how you and your wife communicate, then who is this “you” you are addressing in the second part of the article? Turns out you need to do more /…/ You need to multitask: pay attention to the tone of their voice etc?

        • wellokaythen says:

          I would have liked to see more in the article and in the discussion about how listening better to your wife makes YOUR life better. [I mean “you” in the sense of everyone, not you in particular.] Giving up on trying to fix everything is not just important because it reduces your wife’s irritation. Giving up on that also can help make your own life better as the husband. Improving communication makes your relationship better and therefore should help make your own life better.

          Couching it largely in terms of making your wife feel better is kind of an incomplete approach, it seems to me.

          There should be no shame in explaining how being a better listener is in a man’s own best interest. That approach would certainly get a more sympathetic ear from many men. “What’s in it for me?” is a perfectly plausible question. The venting wife is thinking about what’s in it for her, so why not you as well?

  6. Canyengue says:

    A dear friend calls me almost every day to chat. Lately, he’s really been focusing on fixing things that don’t need to be fixed. In a recent conversation, he asked what I was doing. I told him I was working on a hand-made project for a young person thinking it was an innocuous enough subject. He launched, “Why don’t you just buy A?” “Why don’t you buy a pre-made B?” “Why don’t you go to C and buy what you need?” Sitting at the table with $90 worth of supplies opened and nonreturnable, I wondered what about the situation needed fixing. I asked. He brushed it off.

    There are some people so bent on fixing things that they aren’t really listening. After much consideration and discussing the conundrum with my wonderful spouse who listens and came pre-wired that way, I began the next conversation with my friend, “It’s been a great day. I don’t need fixing.” It was a good talk, and I believe he may have *heard* me.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      I do hope he *heard* you, Canyengue. If not, keep reminding him. Can’t hurt to have an open ear and mind, right? Thanks for taking the time to read this and reply. :-)

    • I have a similar problem with a male friend who used me (willingly) as his first life coaching client. I would really love to go back to being his friend. I have, more than once, had the experience of trying to share my frustrations and, without him listening all the way through, I get an actual assignment. Any objection to the assignment is called out as being unwilling to change and/or improve.

      • Doug Zeigler says:

        Hopefully you can have this colleague see that there are times when what we need is an ear to listen. But you may also have to accept that he may never be that ear you need. Not easy, of course, but that may be the case.

  7. Listening is important, as is not talking over your spouse. That being said, for many of us, “fixing” is intrinsic to our nature – and that’s not a bad thing! I think that it brings balance when one person is more emotive and one is more linear (my opinion of course).

    I often listen to my wife (and she to me) but in the end, she knows that my nature is to make suggestions on possible solutions. To me not doing so is like having the worst itch ever and trying to ignore it…forever. Personally, I feel like this article is shaming men for their nature. If someone wrote an article espousing the opposite (that women need to spend less time talking and more time providing possible solutions) all hell would break loose. I think we need to all appreciate each other for the qualities we possess and the varied beauty that exists because of it. Human nature does not need to be homogenous, we just need to respect each other.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      True, Devon. It sounds like you and your wife have a system that works well for you, and really that’s what matters, right?

  8. justin cox says:

    These tedious gender politics are tiresome sometimes. Don’t some of these ” girlfriends” make suggestions on how to “fix” things too? Trust me they DO. They aren’t always “just listening” they have plenty to say. And not always for the right reasons. And they can be just as “belittling, dismissive, and unavailable” as men. I don’t mind just listening but I’m tired of games. Women should learn to listen too. After all , it is supposed to be a “team” effort, right? If the man has something worthy to say…”Listen” if he doesn’t ignore it. The other main thing is that a “Couple” have more at stake than just a “friendship”. Finances and children and Family are involved. A man has a more vested interest in “fixing” things that directly affect him. If my SO is talking about something important that could affect me, you’re damn right I’m going to offer suggestions or solutions. I don’t want to suffer from someone else’s unwillingness to deal with a real issue.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      I’m one of those women who wants to fix things too. I have to slow down and remind myself that sometimes people don’t want a solution, or to say, “I have some ideas about this, but I don’t know if that’s what you’re looking for right now, and it’s no big deal either way. I’m just sorry that you’re going through this right now.”

      But I think in general, Doug’s gender-based observations are true. There are broad-sweeping generalizations that are well-founded, and then there are always exceptions.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      Justin, I was speaking just to my own relationship with my wife, and I think you’re spot on with it being a team effort. I don’t think the gender matters so much here as just both sides taking the time hear the other out. From there, it depends on the relationship on how it gets handled.

      Thanks for the input. It’s appreciated, I assure you.

    • Justin, so your wife’s feeling and emotions are not “real issues” in your relationship? Life is not all about finances and family. Much of your wife’s emotional concerns is probably about finding some sort of balance between finance and family. The point is to receive before sending “solutions”. If your solutions are arbitrary and mandatory, then you are being patriarchal and not including your wife as an equal partner. If you don’t value her feminine input, then the partnership is a shame and she is just there to boost your ego. I am not sure you are correct in saying that “a man has more vested interests in fixing things.” In a divorce, it is often the mother that takes the primary responsibility to nurture and raise the children and in an appallingly disproportionate of situations, the male abandons the “Family” as you capitalize it. Your statement, “If my SO is talking about something important that could affect me, you’re damn right I’m going to offer suggestions or solutions,” makes it very clear that your concern is only about YOU and not your spouse and family. The point of Doug’s article is that it is not just about YOU!

  9. Phillyosopher says:

    I certainly agree that people, men in particular, need to do a better job at listening. However, truly listening is an active exercise and, in the best case, lends itself to dialogue that leaves both parties in a better place than when the interaction began. Be careful not dismiss someone offering perspective as simply an attempt to “fix your problem.” Empathy must be a two-way street.

  10. John Schtoll says:

    My wife has a female friend who will call her up just to talk to me, yes, she wants to talk to me. When this happens my wife is upset and even though myself and her friend have explained it to her, sometimes people do need a solution. My wife has explained what the OP is saying above and sometimes they just need to hear “You are doing the right thing , keep doing what you are doing” and frankly sometimes this is just wrong because we all do the wrong thing sometimes.

    • Doug Zeigler says:

      That is also something (to me) that is important…that you can handle hearing when you’re wrong and being able to process that. It’s human nature to want to be right, but if we can be mindful that we’re not always right, then I think that opens up the door to even more open and honest communication.

    • @John Schtoll: I think if I was your wife and I’d expressed to you that I wasn’t comfortable with my friend calling up just to talk to you, or it upset me, and you dismissed it or tried to “explain” yourself, but disregarded MY feelings about it, I’d schedule a couple’s therapy session ASAP to figure out why my friend’s feelings are more important to you than mine, your SPOUSE.

      It seems like you might have some communication issues within your relationship if she’s genuinely upset and you keep doing what you’re doing anyway. That seems pretty thoughtless and cruel.

  11. wellokaythen says:

    On the other hand, sometimes it’s good to zoom in on the root of the problem. Sometimes it’s unfair to expect a man not to state what he thinks is pretty obvious.

    For example:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

    • wellokaythen says:

      Seriously, though, it’s still supposed to be a two-way conversation. The person talking about feelings, the wife in this case, has some responsibility to be sensitive to the listener.

      She should not just be using her husband as a dumping ground for all her negative feelings. She should not just vent on him all the time just to be venting. She should treat him as a human being with limits and an existence of his own, not someone who exists simply to listen to her feelings. Being a good listener doesn’t make you a vessel or receptacle for her feelings.

      And, as a listener you have the right to respectfully request a postponement of the conversation. If you are not in a good position to be a good listener at that moment, or don’t have the energy at that moment, politely suggest a better time.

      Not only are you not a fixer, you are also not an on-call therapist. You are not required to be on-call 24/7 and drop everything you are doing to listen to some venting.

      The article isn’t saying you have to be a dumping ground. I’m just saying that we should also avoid the other extreme, and we should still be realistic and compassionate about the person listening as well as the person speaking.

      • FlyingKal says:

        Thanks, wellokaythen
        Best. Comment. By. Far.

        • wellokaythen says:

          Well, shoot, I didn’t think anyone was reading my stuff anymore. I’ll have to be more careful with what I say now…. : – )

      • I’m one of those weird people that can take a lot. I’ve listened to friends, even multiple friends dump their very painful stories on me, listened for up to 4 hours in a day and still could handle hearing more. I find it quite hard to turn off my fix-it mind though! But I’ve been told so so so many times I am a great listener so I must be doing something right. I guess it’s because I am not afraid of deep n meaningful convos..I remember being at a party n talking to a woman I had just met for 3 hours about life, mental illness, etc and it didn’t bother me. My brother though…he avoids deep n meaningfuls like the plague n doesn’t like to be a listener lol, but I guess we’re all different….some people get depressed hearing the stories but I usually feel a lot of empathy but also good that I could help that person.

        I agree with what you say though, you’re able to take time out.

        • Meanwhile, I bet you don’t explode in anger when someone in such a conversation offers you a solution when you’re not looking for one. Like a healthy person, you probably don’t get deeply offended when someone talks like a “fixer” to you. You can probably find a way to have a rewarding conversation without requiring the other person to behave exactly the way you want them to….

  12. I heard this whole thing years ago when somebody read me a passage from “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.” I thought it was pretty much crap then, and now, well, I like to slow down my critical thinking to come to a more thorough conclusion these days, but, well, it’s still pretty much crap. I’m not saying it’s not a good thing to be able to let someone vent, and be supportive; I like to kvetch now and then myself. And being a nice guy, I’m perfectly willing to accept that women in general might like a shoulder to cry on more often than men, and in a relationship I would do my best to accommodate. But what I keep hearing is how a man is wrong and foolish for trying to fix things. I’m sorry, but caring about someone and wanting to solve their problems is a good thing. If it’s not what the other person wants, then they’re not only obligated to say so, but they should do it in a way that shows they appreciate the good intentions. Assuming that a guy should just KNOW that fixing her problem is not only not what she wants, but that he’s a jerk for not automatically knowing it is ridiculous. It sounds like one of those “feminist” notions that whatever women traditionally do is best. As with most of these issues, I believe there is value in both approaches, and maybe taking the time to listen and support and then talking about fixing the problem is the best way.

  13. Deborah Tannen’s book “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation” basically says what you’ve said though in greater depth and detail and can help break old patterns and habits of both parties.

    Men are predisposed to “fix” issues or problems as they perceive them. While women just want to talk about their issues or problems, not necessarily have them “fixed” (you know, good old ‘venting’).

    It’s a fantastic book, and one I highly recommend. Actually, I recommend ALL of her books.

    In my relationship with my husband, I’ve learned that if I just need to vent, I have to open our dialogue with a statement of that fact “I just need you to LISTEN to me. I don’t need input or advice.” But, if I need his advice, I make sure to make sure that I’m clear to him about that too. So, the fact is, it’s not ALL on you. Women need to learn to communicate effectively and clearly about what we need as well. And, we’re rather guilty of THINKING we’ve been clear in our communication, when in fact, we haven’t been.

    • wellokaythen says:

      I like Tannen’s books as well. I think she’s onto something about different communication styles, and she makes a very good point about how something that looks like interrupting may not really be interrupting. She makes a good point that a literal, written transcript of a conversation may not be a good indication of how well people were listening.

      I’m wondering, though, if “venting” and “needing someone to listen” are actually compatible with each other. To a listener, hearing venting sometimes feels like getting dumped on. Asking my spouse to listen to me and commiserate is not the same thing as asking my spouse to listen to me without reaction while I rant. We can’t expect our listeners to just stop being human because we have something to say.

      Sometimes people don’t listen very well because they don’t feel like they”re being treated as human beings. Being talked at has less incentive to listen than being talked to as a person.

    • I appreciate when people say they just need to vent. I actually get uncomfy sometimes just listening where I want to help them n make life better for them, but if I know they just wanna vent then I feel better.

  14. Doug, you are right about the tendency to fix when it is not broken. The urge to “fix” is the urge to avoid. The question is what are we (males and females) avoiding? This is our mortality and the deep grief that we are here to experience (receive) not fix (assert). To open our hearts and minds to all that life presents us, good and bad, requires the ability to stand our ground and feel the grief that we are not in control and life ultimately cannot be fixed. It is humane and human to realize we are simply mortal and life is grander than our little lives and mental processes. Women are biologically more yin, attuned to being receptive. Males are more yang, tending to be more assertive. A balanced human has the capability to be both receptive and assertive. We have couples because between the two we tend toward that balance. We are different because the tension pushes us beyond our balanced complacency. Yes, it is that tension and the merging that is so exquisite and fulfilling. Can I, as a male, open myself to the magnificence of the receptivity of my partner and let her show me hidden parts of myself. What a grand blessing that would be!

  15. I’m perfectly fine with listening to my partner, but if all you’re doing is complaining and never want to try or even listen to solutions to your problems then it says that you aren’t listening to ME.

    If thats the case, then you need to call a friend to rant to, because that gets annoying after awhile. I can’t imagine living with someone like that.

    • wellokaythen says:

      “I’m perfectly fine with listening to my partner, but if all you’re doing is complaining and never want to try or even listen to solutions to your problems then it says that you aren’t listening to ME.”

      Yes, indeed. One person ranting about feelings is not a conversation. It takes two to make a conversation.

  16. Doug,

    I find myself in this same situation but I think there’s another aspect of all this that needs mentioning. Like you, I have an innate need to “fix” the problems my wife talks about or at least want to fix them. However, on those occasions when I do listen, she doesn’t seem to like that either and often then prompts me to help her out. When I do offer some solutions she rejects nearly all of them, gets upset, shifts gears on me and decides that she really didn’t ask for my help/advice but just wanted me to listen. It’s infuriating and confusing.

    I love my wife, but there are times when I feel like a weather vane during a tornado when it comes to dealing with her emotional ping pong. I would imagine that there are many men who have to deal with this miasmatic situation. Just as this article attempts to help men be better husbands/people, there should be more articles aimed at women and what they can do to be better wives/people. Gender issues and relationships (especially marriage) are (or should be) equitable, and women need to realize this just as much as men do.

    • wellokaythen says:

      I’ve had similar experiences myself. (And I know my wife thinks I’m irrational as well – it goes both ways.)

      What drives me crazy is when I’m asked to decide for the two of us, or I’m told we’ll do whatever I think is best, but when I decide she shoots it down anyway. “Whatever you want” sounds like an invitation to contribute, but then it’s “no, not that one,” then “not that one, either” and then “none of those sound good.” So really I was asked to decide but not really asked to decide.

      The first option seems to be universally rejected, so sometimes I’m tempted to choose an option I don’t want first, just so we maybe wind up with an option I do want.

      You’re right, even when a man is directly asked for help, he may not really be asked for help.

      BOTH men and women could use practice in making it clearer what exactly they do want. BOTH could use some practice in asking questions if they’re not sure they understand.

    • If she does it, walk out of the room. When she cracks a stink at it, tell her why. If she’s smart she’ll soon figure out how to either want the helpful mood, or just someone to rant to.

  17. wellokaythen says:

    Ultimately, I take a practical approach — is what I’m doing working?

    Clearly, offering someone advice when they don’t want advice (or won’t listen to advice) simply doesn’t work. Maybe the person should take advice, and maybe you really do have the solution to their problems, but if that person doesn’t want to hear it, then your approach doesn’t work. Giving her a solution when she doesn’t want one doesn’t work for her, but just as importantly it’s not working for you, either, so you’ll need to try something different.

    Fortunately or unfortunately, being right often has nothing to do with being successful in a relationship.

  18. It’s scientifically proven that men have a harder time processing non-verbal communication than women – their brains are just wired differently. So, the fact that a man’s nature is to fix problems, and the fact that this man is working hard to do what his wife needs rather than his gut instinct to fix speaks volumes to the quality of the author and how much he values his wife and his marriage. Women often find the solutions to their problems by talking them out and having someone there just to listen. Typically our girlfriends provide this role, because our girlfriends are also women and wired to know what we need when we’re in an emotional crisis. But to have the man in our lives be the one who’ll listen and not try to immediately fix – every woman’s dream!

    For the lighter side of this topic, I invite to watch this hilarious video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

  19. Yep. If more men would just LISTEN, they would already know this a long time ago. *Sigh*

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