Hint: It has to to with technology.
Recently, a female friend of mine started seeing someone. Everything looked fine for her and her new beau. They’ve been on half-a-dozen dates, he’s been treating her like a lady, and she found herself thinking of him constantly.
“But…,” she hesitated. “There’s one thing he does that annoys me. Or rather, what he doesn’t do. He doesn’t call me. I mean, I don’t need him to call me. But it would be nice if he called me when I got home after a date or just for the heck of it. You know, to check up on me. We text pretty often, but that’s only to set up our next meet-up. ”
She then postulated if he was…
1) being a player and playing her this whole time,
2) punishing her for something she did wrong to him unknowingly,
3) just being mean to her overall for no reason,
or 4) a combination of some sort of the previous things.
I patiently waited for her to finish. Then I said, “5) None of the above.”
My explanation: He doesn’t call because he doesn’t have to. Simple as that. We are a non-calling, text-obsessed culture now. For men, it’s not extreme to go a whole week without making a social call. I’m trying to think of five people who I call regularly but I’m coming up short. Texting really is a heaven-sent for men.
“Why does he have to call you?” I continued with my friend. “He’ll see you soon enough anyways, and he knows that. Honestly, I don’t think he’s scheming something or pulling a fast one on you. He probably doesn’t know you want him to call you. Nothing is common sense anymore. You can’t just wait there and want him to want to call you. You have to nudge him. Or he might start calling you as you two get closer, but you don’t want to leave that to chance and let your own peeve build up into something huge. You’re a grown-ass woman. Communicate.”
In a way, and a self-serving one at that, I was happy that my friend encountered this problem. This anecdote validates my blog and my mission all the more.
Originally appeared at justcallher.com
Photo an untrained eye Flickr
funny how growing up in the pre-cellphone era, I was calling my friends constantly. I battled with my dad every night over the time I spent on the phone. These days it would feel weird to call someone just to chit chat!
I love to call women that I am getting to know, or have met online. Determining tone and personality traits via text is a shot in the dark and can lead to a lot of misinterpretations that would NEVER happen in person or even on the phone. A girl I was emailing on a dating site flipped her lid at a comment (meant in jest) I sent her. I was able to explain to her the intent, but it was never the same, and she couldn’t ever get over it (first impressions and all). Sad thing is that otherwise (as… Read more »
Call? As in “talking on the phone”? Damn – that’s something I do for work, or to accomplish something practical with a stranger. I’ll talk to people on skype if I happen to spot them online, but calling just to talk? Only when I travel and aren’t seeing the family for a while.