Barry Adkins has taken a long road to find forgiveness. But he refuses to be collateral damage in an endless cycle of grief and hate.
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Forgiving those who have wronged us is not easy to do, especially when those that have wronged us have not asked for our forgiveness. But forgive, we must.
Pause for a moment, if you will, and look around—perhaps even in the mirror—and you will see many people who harbor grudges for both real and perceived wrongs. Holding a grudge does nothing to heal a wound or get “closure”—whatever that is.
As I watch the news media cover horrible crimes, I see interviews with victims and victims loved ones, often full of anger and hate, declaring they want “justice.” Anger and hate that is completely understandable to be sure, but if that anger and hate does not transform into forgiveness and humility, it can and will destroy the lives of all involved. Don’t allow a criminal to define your life in negative way!
Without forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to become a victim, and the world doesn’t need any more victims. Please don’t allow yourself to become collateral damage. You will never be able to move on until you forgive. It is as simple as that. I am not here to try to convince anyone that forgiving is easy, because it is not, but I am here to tell you it is very important.
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The key to being able to forgive is humility, something that our society does not promote as an important personal trait. As a Christian, I can tell you it is important to my faith, and I suspect many other faiths agree on this point.
Society and the media want us to be proud. How often do you hear someone being interviewed on the news say, “I made a mistake, I was wrong, I’m sorry” or “I forgive the man that murdered my child?” Not very often, and the media is often shocked when someone does. Forgiveness needs to be the rule, rather than the exception.
Many of our social ills are tied to a lack of humility. We get offended and angry because someone cuts us off on the freeway or some jerk is rude and disrespectful to us. Next time something happens to you that has you upset, ask yourself, “am I being prideful here?” I know this may sound harsh, and it’s not meant to be, but get over yourself already!
My mom used to say, “forgive and forget.” I submit that there is a big difference between forgiving and forgetting. You can forgive, but that doesn’t mean you forget.
In my case, my eighteen-year-old son, Kevin, died of alcohol poisoning on the day he moved out on his own. It was the most humbling experience of my life. I have long since forgiven those that were at the party with him and of course, I can forgive my own child. The hardest person of all to forgive was myself, without a doubt, one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. As his dad, there has to be something I could have done differently to prevent this needless and all to common tragedy. In an effort to raise awareness about the dangers of binge drinking, and to honor my son, I walked from Arizona to Montana with his ashes in my backpack, speaking at numerous schools, churches and treatment facilities along the way. Walking 1400 miles gives a man a lot of time to think. Somewhere on the open road between Arizona and Montana I found a way to forgive myself for “letting my child die.” Forgive I have, forget, I won’t. Hopefully, you won’t have to wear out five pairs of shoes to forgive yourself! 🙂
The most important step you can take toward any healing process or “closure” is to forgive those responsible, even if they haven’t asked for your forgiveness.
With humility, comes the ability to forgive. Who do you need to forgive today?
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Barry Adkins is the author of the book “Kevin’s Last Walk, A Father’s Final Journey with His Son.” www.kevinslastwalk.com
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Photo: “Lost Highway” by flickrfy / Creative Commons License