Our kids can teach us a lot about parenting … as long as we pay attention.
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I’m as clueless about parenting as the next guy, just trying to make my way through it day by day, making as few mistakes as possible. But like most things in life, if you are intentional, thoughtful and genuinely interested in getting better, you learn from mistakes and get better.
Lucky for me, I have two little girls that give me lesson after lesson in both how to be a better father and how to be a stronger, happier person.
They teach me about love
I have my daughters half time, so often there are several days in a row we don’t see each other. There is nothing better than when I get them from school and they come running with excitement to see me again. They drop whatever game they are playing, they ignore whatever friend they are with and just want big hugs.
I often think about this feeling at work, when things aren’t going as planned. I make a mistake and get down on myself, but use this feeling as a reminder … they don’t care about any of that. Whatever my title, regardless of accomplishments, successes or failures at the office … mean nothing. I am the coolest guy they know and they are more than happy to tell you. Not sure I have ever heard better words than when my daughter proudly says “that’s my daddy!”
When I get caught up in the outside world, the hectic nature of everything going on, they remind me that this is really what love is. This unconditional, honest, and loyal love is as good as it gets. While they are the ones still learning about life, they are showing me what I need to be giving them.
They keep me honest
When I get caught up in the outside world, the hectic nature of everything going on, they remind me that this is really what love is.
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They amaze me with their memory. I may tell them next weekend we get a day at the pool and you better believe they won’t forget I said that. If I try to change plans, they call me on it. “But dad, you said we would go to the pool today?!”
Sometimes plans change. Sometimes we don’t feel like doing what we thought we would. But we said we would. Don’t we all want friends, partners, coworkers, who do what they say they are going to do? It is the critical factor of building trust, regardless of the type of relationship.
As a father, I never want my daughters to think I didn’t show up or wasn’t there for them. That I didn’t do what I said I would do. It’s critical. Thankfully I have their memory to keep me in line, but I strive to be sure I never make promises I can’t keep and I follow through on the ones I make!
They remind me what’s important
This weekend my daughter was upset, she felt left out of some play time. She threw a fit. I tried to fix the issue, inviting her to join us and we’ll play longer. What followed was similar to the old who’s on first skit.
Her: “you don’t ever play with me!”
Me: “ok, let’s play, its your turn”
Her: “I don’t want to play with you, leave me alone”
Me: “ok, well we are going to keep playing then”
Her: “see!! you always exclude me!”
This went on for some time. How could this possibly teach me anything? Well, it reminded me of other relationships. Times at work when I’m frustrated by a coworker’s response, or in a relationship if I don’t get the reaction I wanted. I find myself caught up in frustration. When I step back I realize I’m really mad about something that doesn’t matter.
Because what truly matters is these two girls. Their happiness, their comfort and their care. Anything holding me back from being the best I can be at providing that, isn’t worth getting mad about.
They make me want to be better
My daughters’ mom and I were talking recently about their challenging behavior and whether it was something for us to be concerned about or if it was just normal five-year-old stuff. She mentioned that she wasn’t sure how many days the girls had gone without one of them making her mad with their behavior. I agreed, we might have made it a full weekend … once.
Later it occurred to me that we had it all backward. The question shouldn’t be how long can they go without getting in trouble or making us mad … but how long can I go without getting mad at them? I don’t mean give them a free pass, I mean not reacting with frustration. It’s the fourth time I asked her to get her shoes on … can I still say it kindly? After all, I’m the adult here right?
The question shouldn’t be how long can they go without getting in trouble or making us mad…but how long can I go without getting mad at them?
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I fail. Often. But the thing I’m always reminded of is, I’m quickly given another chance. They are young. My patience will be tested. And tested again. Can I get better at responding? Can I find another way to communicate that is more effective?
What I learn from them most is that I can be a better father. I see in them an innocent and happy love that deserves the best I can give. I know I can be a positive example for them, one they can rely on for their entire lives. They deserve for me to be the man they think I am.
Photo—BNW Photography