From being raised by relatives, caring for his mother, mourning a father he barely knew, and homeless. To performing his own songs on stage.
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I was born October 15, 1984. Most people don’t know this, but I came into the world a month before I was supposed to. My earliest memories are of my mom and dad being together. We lived in an apartment on 85 Street and 25th Avenue in Brooklyn. I miss those days and still wish things had worked out for my parents. But, I had a good childhood for the most part. Never had a pet. I wanted one, but my grandma wouldn’t let me have one.
It’s just that I had to be there for my mom most of the time, so I didn’t really get to have a childhood.
I was only two when my mom and dad separated. My mom and I moved in with my grandma and my uncle because we had nowhere else to go. I lived with relatives most of my life. Things were good at first, but slowly started to change when my mom started drinking.
Night after night, hospital after hospital. She was passing out everywhere, and I had to be strong for her so I was forced to be a man at a young age. My teen years were not so good either. I struggled to fit in and to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be.
I couldn’t focus anymore on me because I’d lost the most important person in my life without ever knowing who he really was.
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I found rap music to be inspirational. I loved how the words rhymed, it sounded like poetry in motion to me. I started write my own lyrics just for fun. Then free styling, which means to make up lyrics in your head without writing it down. I wasn’t that good with that though, I was better when I wrote things down on paper.
As I kept writing, I started adding beats to songs I wrote. I got a lot better as time went on, but then the unthinkable happened. My dad passed away and my life was forever changed.
I wish I’d spent more time with him and gotten to really know him. I didn’t get to see him father much due to custody arrangements. My mom had full custody of me and my dad just had visitation rights. When he passed, my heart was broken into pieces. I couldn’t focus anymore on me because I’d lost the most important person in my life without ever knowing who he really was.
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Back in 2005 my life was turned upside down again. I was kicked out of my grandmother’s house where I had lived for 19 years. I’ve been on my own for almost 10 years now. Let’s just say it hasn’t always been sunshine.
I struggled every day. Not knowing when I was going to eat my next meal. Sleeping on park beaches in the summertime. Being chased out of the park by cops who said, “You’re not supposed to be here.” Riding the subway all night in the wintertime.
Leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made. I was free from the pain and suffering, but I still lacked that one thing — someone to be by my side.
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It was a long road. I’d start climbing up the ladder and get knocked down again and again. People said things would get better, but I didn’t believe them. I finally shut off all emotions — it was the only thing that helped me get through.
For three years I had just myself.
Things started to look up. I was seeing this girl that I thought was great while I was on the street. I lived with her for about three of the seven years we dated. We had a good relationship ’til I found out for four years she had cheated on me. I didn’t stop, just did what I needed to do. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I started over again.
I found a job, started making a decent living, and moved out of her place. A month or two later I found I had lost all feeling for her. Leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made. I was free from the pain and suffering, but I still lacked that one thing — someone to be by my side.
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In 2011 I moved into an apartment, which I shared with a friend for about a year. Everything was great there. I loved it because I could walk to work every morning. It was close to shopping and the train. Things were going fine for the first few months. Then we started to struggle with the bills and rent, but somehow I always found a way to pull a rabbit out my hat. Sadly, in the end, it didn’t work out and I had to move.
I ended up staying with a friend for a while, but that didn’t work out either.
Then I moved into the place where I live now with two of my closest friends. I’ve been here for two years now and everything has gotten better for me.
In 2012 I met a wonderful person. We hit it off from day one. We did everything together. She even introduced me to this group, DreamStreet Theatre Company, which I am so happy I am part of, and I thank that beautiful person for introducing me to this group.
DreamStreet helped me to get back to what I love to do, which is making music. It’s also helped make me more confident in myself. DreamStreet is a place where you can be yourself. That’s why I stay, doing what I love. DreamsStreet also showed me that there are people out there who care. DreamStreet changed the way I view the world!
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I used to think that the world was full of empty promises and broken dreams. I don’t feel like that anymore, and I have big dreams for the future. My music has gotten so much better after being with DreamStreet that I can’t imagine not being a part of the group.
Even now I still think about that time and say to myself, “Wow I made it through all the struggling, all the nights I stood up too scared to fall asleep, all the days not eating a single meal, all the time wasted not trying to make my life better.”
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I started writing rap lyrics back in high school. It was just a pastime for me then, but I found out that I was really good at it. So I started making beats and I was good at that too. Than I put the words and the beat together. I’d never thought I sounded that good, then I heard that song! I preformed it on stage, which I was scared out of my mind to do. The people at DreamStreet helped me to get over my fear of being on stage. I love what I have become because of DreamStreet.
Never once did I regret what I had to do to survive out there. Things were tough, but other people have it worse than I did and are still going through things in their lives. What my past experiences taught me was how to be a stronger person.
Being homeless was the worst time of my life. It has been six years since I was on the street. Sometimes I can’t believe where life has taken me. Even now I still think about that time and say to myself, “Wow I made it through all the struggling, all the nights I stood up too scared to fall asleep, all the days not eating a single meal, all the time wasted not trying to make my life better.” It’s all over now and I happy to say that I’m going to do everything in my power to not let it happen again.
If I could offer one word of advice, it is to not take for granted the good things in life. Someday you won’t have that to fall back on. No matter what life threw at me I never gave in or gave up.
Follow your heart and your dreams — they will take you a long way.
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Title Photo: Kendra Heisler
Additional Photo: Author’s Own