On one of the internet’s most popular, and notorious, sites, a new community is bringing together gay men with old-fashioned tastes.
Gay atheists are two clicks away from trans hackers. Cross dressers occupy the same sidebar as gay gamers. A forum of same-sex parents shares the same website as a group of gay bros.
These are just a few of the myriad of queer subreddits that exist online; open equitable platforms for casual conversation and community construction. Anyone can become a moderator of one of these pages and anyone can contribute to the running dialogue. Subreddits have become refuges for people who often feel out of place in more mainstream LGBT conversations.
Last year, 23-year-old Alexander DeLuca launched Gaybros, a subreddit for gay men who gravitate “towards traditionally male interests,” as he described it to me.
“Some people think that the nature of creating a space that celebrates interests that society labels as ‘masculine’ is inherently misogynistic or exclusive. It’s really not the case, and I think a lot of people realize that when they interact with the community,” DeLuca said.
That community is comprised of close to 20,000 reddit subscribers, a sizeable base which he and web developer/co-moderator Jon Allen hope to increase with the launch of a new website.
“We know that Gaybros has helped a lot of people come to terms and take pride in their sexuality and masculinity. We want to accomplish that on a broader scale by developing a stand-alone website that offers original and user-submitted content,” Allen said.
They are in the early stages of developing the site and Allen says they hope to have it up and running by early summer. Currently, Gaybros is raising money through an Indiegogo account to fund the new venture.
Their prominence and fundraising campaigns, most recently one devoted to raising $10,000 for the Trevor Project this month, have caught the attention of reddit’s general manager Erik Martin, who revels in finding new subreddits at work.
Every morning, Martin goes on reddit and clicks ‘random’ on the top left corner of the page a few times. He’s stumbled across a strange and diverse set of niche communities, most recently one about people who work in wildlife rehabilitation.
“I wasn’t planning on spending an hour reading through it but I did and it was fascinating,” Martin said. But besides the novelty appeal of pages like this, subreddits can foster communities in the real world through various meet-ups ranging from organizing dates to planning sporting events.
“We hear stories all the time of people who meet their eventual spouse, or business partners, or just roommates,” Martin said.
These safe and open forums have become especially significant to the LGBTQ community.
“The internet changed everything. Everything. We can discuss how we feel and who we are in a nonthreatening space, without risking “real life” relationships,” Rachel Young said.
Young is a 36-year-old who identifies as a trans woman. She is one of the moderators of the cross-dressing subreddit, which has nearly 4,500 subscribers. Young reads posts ranging from conversations about gender-play to queries from friends and significant others asking about cross-dressers in their lives.
“It happens pretty frequently and really gives me faith that a lot of people are at least trying to be supportive, even if they don’t ‘get it,'” Young said. Sometimes, it takes an individual subreddit to point out the lack of support existing in online spaces.
Jamie K., 29, created the subreddit transphobiaproject to “identify trouble spots” throughout the rest of reddit where knowledge about trans individuals was limited.
“People post pictures or twitter posts of someone talking about a “man in a dress” or something every single day, and those posts often receive huge volumes or upvotes and the comments are then filled with horrible shaming comments and hateful jokes,” Jamie said. She identifies as genderqueer pansexual and prefers female pronouns.
While her subreddit fostered what she perceives as valuable conversations about gender identity, Jamie thinks that reddit has a long way to go before it becomes an entirely safe space.
“At the same time, it’s the place where the most change can be made. The internet is still young, and it will shape our world,” Jamie said.
There are queer subreddits founded in places ranging from India to the U.K.
Abbie Archer, 22, manages gaytheists from Edinburgh, Scotland. She is a transgendered woman and an “avowed atheist,” who calls herself “queer as a daffodil.” When she launched her subreddit two years ago, Archer wanted to include a mix of stories about LGBTQ people, atheism and religion. The subreddit has only 467 subscribers, but Archer values it as a vital intersection of two elements of her identity and a part of a larger conversation.
“The internet has helped link up the LGBT community world-wide and give us a safe space to talk openly and in confidence. You’re quite lucky to be a young queer person in the UK today because you’re at a point in time where acceptance of LGBT people as something normal and non-threatening has grown and you have the internet to talk to other people like you,” Archer said.
These shared interests, perceptions and identities create a meaningful support system that has guided individuals to embrace uniqueness and live without fear.
“We’ve had a number of guys say that Gaybros has helped them come out and even saved their lives based off of the support system our community offers,” Allen said. The subreddit helped him feel more comfortable in his own skin, years after he came out.
Moderators like Jon and Alexander, Abbie and Rachel, are members of the communities they created, sharing their experiences with the thousands subscribed to their pages. The dynamism and diversity of subreddits is derived from the contributions of individual storytellers, crafting new and undiscovered communities with the click of a mouse.
These virtual spaces are swelling to new and untenable sizes on a daily basis. And the general manager of reddit is just pleased to watch.
“It’s cool that [subreddits] can exist without us being aware,” Martin said.
They exist for those who know where to look, for those who may need them most.
For more on the emotional value of “bro” culture, check out “The GoodBro” by Stephen Mitchell.
Photo—Elvert Barnes/Flickr
Sorry fellows, but this older gay guy has big reservations. I contacted them, went around and around with them, even got personal once (regrettably) Was told I was condescending abrasive, on and on. I see a couple things happening-a possibly necessary source of contact for younger gay men, a group of masculine gay guys trading on it, and Mr. De Luca running a slick pr show. Yeah, I cop to judgmental as hell, but does the gay movement need to show off good looking jocks to gain credibility? (Look around elsewhere in the media, its’ happening.) I’m from the generation… Read more »
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As a mid-to-late-20’s gay guy who’s lived in conservative suburbs, NYC, Boston, and DC, I must say that I find the GayBro phenomenon a little silly. When I came out all those years ago, I probably would have identified as a “gay bro” because I was an NCAA athlete and was embarrassed (ashamed maybe?) that I liked dance music and Clueless. I didn’t like going to gay bars because “I didn’t identify with the guys in tanktops” and “I wasn’t effeminate” like they were. But then, I got more gay friends and became involved in gay groups. I discovered that… Read more »
In seeking to create a space for gay men who think they don’t fit a certain stereotype because they have “other” interests or “act differently”…these same people fall into another ridiculous stereotype themselves. It almost seems like the gay community is now a sad circus of competing stereotypical characters all trying to define themselves in opposition to each other and superior to the other. Most “gaybros” I’ve met are self-hating gay guys who shun other gays they consider feminine or gays their cliques consider effeminate…making them not gaybros but gayjerks as another reader pointed out. There is a difference between… Read more »
Go Kings!
This is dumb — and I say that as a gay man who likes “traditionally male” interests. Being gay means both the ying and the yang reside within you. You can be athletic, but also be artistic. You can like football, but also enjoy art. You don’t have to choose.
Excuse me for being a flaming wimp but there is ALMOST NOTHING positive about this. It is closer to a safe space TO HATE ON people who are “MORE gender NON-conformant than WE are” than it is to anything else. I having nothing against anyone bonding with people of like kind but it does sort of MATTER that it NOT obscure what we have IN COMMON. The same thing happens WITH OTHER tribes that are under attack: Can you imagine what kind of coverage a club for black Republicans or black millionaires would get? There are some clubs of affluent… Read more »
Right on, friend. That’s where my heart is a with this issue.
I remember when this was called, “straight acting.” What’s the next label they will apply to it to make, ‘gay men’ fell safe in their own skin. Come on guys you’re gay men. Period. Butch, fem, blah blah. You’re gay men: period.
I hate how these articles are always more about Alex DeLuca than about gaybros. All he did was type the name. The rest of us built the community. Now he’s trying to make money off it, which is something that 99% of the community does not support. Gaybros is awesome in spite of Alex DeLuca, not because of him.
It’s not really surprising. The authors only know what Alex tells them. If they did their research, and actually read what people are saying on gaybros, then they would realize how people really feel about his money grab. That’s why the fundraiser campaign for the website failed to raise the $8000; the majority of gaybros don’t want it. It’s funny reading “Gaybros is currently raising money”… no, Alex and his friends are asking for money to start their business.
Gay men who are masculine are cool, gay men who try to be masculine and shun those who aren’t are jerks. I have several gay friends that are more masculine and butch that most of my straight guy friends but they’re great guys who just be themselves and don’t make a big deal about it. But I have encountered far too many self-identified “straight acting” gay dudes who really seem like they’re suffering from internalized homophobia. Be yourself, be good to other people and don’t rule somebody out just because they don’t fit your idea of what a person should… Read more »
If effeminacy were actually part of homosexuality then it could rightly be described as “internalized homophobia”. But it’s not. I can understand the standoffishness of masculine gay men who are constantly being derided for not “being true to themselves” (i.e. being more of a fairy) and being told that they should “stop over-compensating” when in fact they are just being who they are. I can understand how constantly hearing that “gay men are more sensitive and creative” (yes I’ve actually heard TV show hosts saying things like this) could make a masculine gay man end up with a chip on… Read more »
It’s not about exclusion, it’s about celebrating the diversity within the gay community. Thing about homosexuality is A) it has a vibrant and distinct culture, B) it transcends culture. That’s why we rolled our eyes when Ahmadinejad said there’s no gay people in Iran. I’ve been to meetups based around these groups, and they’re fantastic people, and you don’t get kicked out for having a lisp or for wearing a pink shirt. But it’s understood that cattily joking about others’ clothes and taking away someone’s “gay card” if they haven’t seen the Les Mis movie are not allowed. I agree… Read more »
From 55yr old gay guy who is “masculine” but always supports the “fems”-were not going to take it. (The Who, Tommy 1969) Don’t like this kind of stuff. “We” who were masculine when I was a young man didn’t feel at all persecuted, at least I sure didn’t. I always felt I got a pass to move through society and that it was harder on effeminate guys. Sure didn’t need a group to validate it.
it should be noted that the vast majority (almost everyone) of readers of the Reddit page “gaybros” do not support Alex’s bid to turn their community into a separate website that will just line his pockets.
Absolutely. It’s funny that these articles never seem to mention that.
also doesn’t Real Jock already exist? keep reddit stuff on reddit and don’t try to cash in .