There’s a video currently making the rounds on the internet that highlights what many gay youth face when they come out to their families.
The video is called “How not to react when your child tells you he’s gay.” In it, a 20-year-old man has a hidden camera running and has told his parents he is gay. His mother says she has always known and then derides him, tells him to leave if he is going to continue to choose to be gay, screams at him. The situation escalates into physical violence from at least one adult and hate speech from two or three of the adults there. It’s hard to watch, and if those things are triggering, I urge you strongly to think before clicking play.
So why is is even here?
The video has received over a million views. This means that a graphic depiction of the reality for many gay teens and young adults is being seen. It’s being talked about. It’s not being politely ignored. There are questions if this video is authentic. I think that’s less relevant than this: the situation is real. Every day, all over the world, GLBTQ youth are turned out for being who they are, if they aren’t faced with abuse at home first.
In the US, blame is frequently heaped on the South or small towns, but young people are rejected by their families in urban centers, wealthy suburbs, blue collar homes, anywhere that people are.
Hate, fear, and bigotry don’t see geography or bank accounts.
Imagine being 14, or 16, or 20, and fearing daily for your safety, not just at school but at home. And then maybe like the young man in the video, when you think you’ve gotten to a place of support and love, you become a discard.
It happens. Every day.
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GLBTQ teens make up a high percentage of homeless youth in America, about 40%, with 68% of those reporting that family rejection was a major factor in their homelessness, and 54% reporting abuse. According to the National Alliance to End Homelessness, “Once homeless, LGBTQ youth experience higher rates of physical and sexual assault and higher incidence of mental health problems and unsafe sexual behaviors than heterosexual homeless youth. LGB homeless youth are twice as likely to attempt suicide (62 percent) as their heterosexual homeless peers (29 percent). This population is at an increased risk for physical and mental illness, with a reported attempted suicide rate almost double that of their heterosexual homeless peers.”
Part of the problem is the lack of resources for shelter and treatment for homeless youth, including the very real possibility of mistreatment and discrimination at shelter and residential facilties. Without a stable place to live, these teens are more likely to be victims of crime, turn to whatever means of survival they can, and become homeless GLTBQ adults.
While progress is being made to make services better and more available to GLBTQ youth who are or at risk of becoming homeless, change needs to begin closest to where they are – in their schools and communities.
Some kids are lucky and find couches to crash on, or a home to take them in.
Most don’t.
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Resources for GLBTQ Youth and Allies
Information and Resources, Including Printables
h/t queerty.com for their summary story
Photo: Franco Folini/Flickr
I am glad the boy had sense enough to tape it. Too much of this is hidden under the rug and the more secrets everyone can have, the more it prevails. Families love secrets. Families love to do things that no one else talks about and so the string of violence, abuse, and situations such as this continue. When you meet people who have been thrown out of their house at such a young age and have to work the streets or do other things just to find food to eat, let alone have a place to live – no… Read more »
I feel bad for them all. The gay dude definitely needs support. The parents for being so ignorant. But I cringe at the fact that these family dramas are playing out in society. My aunt came out in the 80s. I assume it went okay but what if it didn’t. What if my grandma acted like a total crazy when she first heard or whatever. By the time I learned of it (12 years later) they had hashed it out and I not only had my aunt but I had her wife in my life and everything was cool. I… Read more »
There are still people who don’t realise how traumatic it can be to come out. I think more videos need to be posted. Friends have widely varying stories about coming out, and the most recent story I heard (last year) included parents as hateful as these ones. People who come out to their parents need to know that they will be ok even if their parents turn their backs. People who call themselves christians should figure out how they would react, and should have time to think about whether it’s worth sticking with a religious ideology that justifies disowning their… Read more »
I am sorry for the trauma that is coming out. I don’t get it because I have never had to. But I talk to my son and I tell him all the time that I will love him through all things and that he can tell me anything. I always follow-up by saying “My first reaction may not be perfect because I am human but I vow to remember that I love you and try to come back to that.” Now if he tapes my first reaction and then posts it he and I have a problem. And I am… Read more »