Attracting what and who you want in your life begins with believing you deserve good relationships.
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There seems to be hundreds of stories in the media every day about bad things happening to people. Whether it’s in our local community, in another part of the country or another part of the world, bad things are always being reported.
And sometimes when we watch those stories, we see the natural unfolding of events that lead back to what appears to be irresponsible decisions.
It’s pretty effortless at that point to start assigning blame and to have a thought that goes something like, “Well, he/she deserved that one!” or “They had that one coming to them!”
I know in my own life one of my greatest challenges is to let off the gas when it comes to blaming myself for a bad outcome, even when I believe that I did everything I could to create a successful ending.
Just like watching those horrific news stories, I might find myself thinking that I deserved a negative circumstance, experience or consequence, which does absolutely nothing to serve my highest good.
So if that kind of thinking doesn’t serve my highest good, then I am determined to change it and go with something more positive and helpful to me in the real world, every day where I actually live.
Then I saw this.
An extremely profound message in my social media feed.
“You attract what you believe you deserve.”
I come across hundreds of motivational or inspirational messages a week. Most of them make me pause for maybe 15 to 30 seconds and think about the message.
But this one was different.
I think I must have read it over five or six times, then just stared at the words on the screen.
I sat and rolled those words over and over in my head, finally asking myself the one question that wouldn’t leave my head…
Lynn, what do you believe you deserve?
I had such an internally intense reaction to that question that I decided I had better take some time on it and start writing some things down.
I actually began a list of the things I believed I deserved.
Not all of them were positive things.
That’s where my greatest learning began.
I started reflecting on friends of mine and conversations we’ve had over the years about our lives. I’ve noticed that we often aren’t really sure how we ended up at the places and circumstances we currently are in our lives.
It reminded me of one of the most profound quotes I’ve ever come across, by Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Carl Jung.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
So let me get this straight in my head.
What I believe I deserve exists all the time in my unconscious or subconscious mind, directing my life.
If I believe I deserve inferior things, then that’s what I will attract. If I believe that I deserve better things, then that is what I will attract.
It’s not really fate that gives me what I get in life.
It’s what I believe I deserve and my thoughts and actions that support those beliefs that create my life.
So then I asked myself, what are all my decisions, choices and thoughts that led me to today, in this very place in my life?
As I kept thinking about my answer to that question, as well as what I believe I deserve, I couldn’t help but think about the challenges of relationships.
I thought about how hard relationships are and how many people, including me, have spent a lot of our adult lives trying to figure out what we deserve in those relationships.
The very places we find ourselves from our dating or personal relationships choices go right back to what we believe we deserve.
I asked myself a series of questions.
- Do I believe I deserve to be in a relationship with a person of high character and integrity?
- Do I believe I deserve to be told the truth?
- Do I believe I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally stable?
- Do I believe I deserve a life that is more full of joy than chaos?
- Do I believe I deserve a relationship partner who spends more time building me up than tearing me down?
- Do I believe I deserve a relationship that makes me a better person or a bitter person?
- Do I believe I deserve to be loved completely, in spite of my flaws?
One of the most powerful things you can do for yourself today is to spend time being completely honest with yourself in answering questions like these.
You can begin to see the quality of your personal relationships can be traced all the way back to what you believe you deserve.
So it’s really not about the other person at all. It’s not about their failures, their shortcomings, or their choices in life.
It’s about me.
It’s about you.
What do I believe I deserve?
What do you believe you deserve?
The answer to that question is going to absolutely determine what we allow into our lives, who we allow into our lives and how long we tolerate unhealthy relationships and experiences that don’t serve our highest good.
We create our own lives.
Radio personality, writer, and author Earl Nightingale once said, “We are all self made, but only the successful will admit it.”
If we are not experiencing success in life and our relationships, it’s so easy to start blaming our past, our lack of opportunity or a particular person.
But in reality, we have the power of our free will to choose our beliefs…and what we believe we deserve.
I believe.
I choose.
I decide.
I fail.
I conquer.
I believe again.
Believe you deserve only the best in your life.
I believe you do.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
I struggle with this concept often. When my depression reached its nadir, I went through most of my days in a fog of self-spite. After about a year of trying different medicinal regimens, the right combination burned those thoughts away, without any conscious effort of my own. It’s a nice change. Under that pall of self-hate, I fervently believed I didn’t deserve any of the good in my life – or even that I deserved much worse. Freed of that internal malice, my family, friends, and therapist expected some of the reverse feelings to develop… but now, the idea of… Read more »