It started so innocently. A Christmas Eve email from the New York Times asking me to write a 300 word column on make-up. I knew I had a secret obsession with my own lipstick and face paint, but I had to figure a way around it. I worked furiously all through the day on a piece that would distract the reader with references to breast implants and professional hockey players with wall-to-wall body ink. And a sincere profession of love for my wife (every word of which I meant and was true, just for the record).
Several friends emailed me as soon as the piece, “Women Should Do What They Want,” hit saying that they prefer me without make-up…wink, wink.
Then the trouble started. Apparently saying that your wife is gorgeous first thing in the morning and women (and men) should be able to decide whether or not to wear make-up, to have plastic surgery, to sport some ink…is actually a grand conspiracy by male chauvinist pigs to keep women in their place. My buddy Hugo, a long-time ally to women who hate men, had this to say to me on twitter:
Apparently my 300 words of fluff, intended to distract from my own fetishes, had unleashed an issue of Biblical proportions. Equal, in fact, to the coming Fiscal cliff. Finally, Amanda Marcotte, who once wrote for the GMP before realizing that the founder was in fact a wanna-be KISS band member, brought her steely eye to bear over at Slate. “Natural Beauty Is More Oppressive Than Make-Up” is journalism at it’s most far reaching, thoroughly researched, insightful best. I just love the fact that Slate, with all their editorial integrity, publishes such treasures from a writer who left us on bad terms and has since been involved in a mock-GMP site intended to defeat our attempt to have an open dialogue about make-up.
I think Amanda may well yet win the Pulitzer for taking my few sentences about how…I love to sneak a glimpse of her first thing in the morning, before she puts on makeup or clothes. She has slate blue eyes that sparkle in a particular way. My stomach turns inside out every time she looks at me. It’s as if the whole sun has been transported into those two orbs of light….and parsing such deep and irrefutable sinister meaning to them and to me, the enemy of all women the world round.
The result my good friends? A piece which has gathered the attention of the nation. Old friends from college who I have spoken to in years have been emailing me asking about this “make-up-gate.” They want to know my view on bright colored eye shadow? My favorite lip stick shade? And when to go with low cleavage? As of this writing there are 1,200 comments and Amanda’s masterpiece is atop the most popular list on all of Slate.
Not to be outdone, Frisky decided they had to get on this breaking story with the amazingly articulate “I Really Don’t Care To Know What Men Think About Makeup Because They’re Not Being Truthful Anyway”:
The reason why I’m so riled up about Matlack’s “sticky-sweet, seemingly un-controversial, sneakily shallow, yet still totally tone deaf piece of buffoonery” (to quote a friend who also read the article) is because it echoes an all too common refrain I’ve heard from many men. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard some dude go on and on about how he prefers women to not wear makeup. Guess what dudes who say stuff like this, including you, Tom Matlack? What you think is “no makeup” actually is makeup.
Okay, I am going to say this and say it once. I love to wear make-up, and lots of it. There. It’s done. Call me a cross-dresser, a hockey-player-groupie, a wanna be hard rocker. I don’t care. Because I still love my wife.
Personally, I dislike make-up. Seriously.
Perhaps it’s because I hate anything fake.
I even begged some of my girlfriends to not wear it (most of them weren’t wearing it anyway).
If begging someone to NOT wear make-up is oppression… well, I plead guilty, your honor! 😆
“Serious question here – what is the bloody point of Marcotte’s rant?”
Well for me, it does look far simpler. She’s getting lonely and needs company! That, and it’s a desperate cyber traffic grab to pay her cyber rent on time – seems to be a monthly characteristic, and this time it was Tom and all to be used fro a few bucks!
“Serious question here – what is the bloody point of Marcotte’s rant? If we say women should wear make-up, we’re jerks. If we say they shouldn’t – we’re jerks. If we say they should do what they want – we’re jerks. Is there any way to win with that sort of mentality?”
Schizophrenia or just malevolence like, everything you say will be used against you.
Thats how I see it.
Yes, I’m sure us divvy men have never heard of the marketing trope “natural beauty” – and could never manage to tell when our makeup wearing significant others are sporting a natural look vs. just rolled out of bed. Of course we definitely couldn’t tell the difference (I mean, it’s not like I’ve been with my girlfriend for seven years – I guess she must have been nipping off to the bathroom all the time, because I could have sworn I knew what she looked like without makeup). And we could definitely never think they’re really hot without makeup. No,… Read more »
@OirishM: “Serious question here – what is the bloody point of Marcotte’s rant? If we say women should wear make-up, we’re jerks. If we say they shouldn’t – we’re jerks. If we say they should do what they want – we’re jerks”
Damned if we do, damned if we don’t. Haters gonna hate no matter what.
Looks like Ms. Marcotte has some really serious Freudian issues going on. 😎
@ValterV She Jerks this, that and the other? Sounds to me that That Marcotte has simply gotten used to people being jerked about by her. Power issues and failed omnipotence are like that. But then again, for many that stopped when she kept treating the whole world as if it was on a leash and a poddle that sat at her demands.
Minimal or non-existent make-up (i.e., natural beauty) is a wonderful thing! My wife almost never wears makeup, even to church. Hell, getting dolled up for our wedding was a major event due to its rarity. I fail to see how loving her in her natural, modest state is in any way oppressive. She mostly hates makeup, and I think that’s awesome. Bite me, Ms. Marcotte!
Eric – Don’t invite Biting! The Marcotte lacks a sense of humour and nuance in communication. I’d get rabies shots now.
I was dating guy who one night when we were hanging out. Said to me hold on I have to take this call, it’s my makeup artist. Granted he was a musician, but still I was like “dude you have a makeup artist?”
All I can see is that Amanda had too much Coffee – and given her tendency to go potty and sky high at any provocation (Especially if she thinks that GMP can be conquered and brought to it’s knees and ended as an evil adjunct empire of the Patriarchy …. Cackle Cackle Cackle ) …. Poor Amanda was evidently so wound up she couldn’t handle her eye liner, and didn’t have time for a Camomile enema before just having to Blog! Poor thing – Not only was she wound up, but had to blog O’Naturelle! I hope she turned the… Read more »
Really, Frisky? I thought we were friends 🙁
I know! I love The Frisky. Granted, I love it in the ‘these ladies are pretty hot and they can write pretty well’ way but I’m a straight male writer, so I think that’s fair. And now this. Oh well, they’re still attractive and they can still write.
Et tu, Frisky?
I burst out laughing reading the rantings of those two immature minds. Tom, I knew from your piece last year that you liked jewellery, but I didnt know you were into makeup too(i feel that subdued lipstick like brown or black would go better with your lips in the kissup makeup photo though). So headnod to you man, if you wanna wear makeup (you may recall that Im a crossdresser). I currently dont adorn my face or nails, as Im lazy. I was planning on french manicuring the nails on my left hand, but cut the nails short a few… Read more »
Please send pictures…James!
Sad to see Amelia McDonnell-Parry quite so reactionary and ill-informed. The Frisky is an occasionally enjoyable blog site until they try to delve into more serious issues. Amelia and Jessica often come across as whiny, angry, and reactionary. This kind of behavior provides ammunition to the (unfair) stereotype that feminists are humor-less. I know this isn’t true but these types of responses to benign articles make true conversation so difficult. Tom’s article wasn’t even humor but still they managed to find some way to read between the lines that are between those lines to find it teeming with misogyny, all… Read more »
Hey now, leave Ference out of this, Double Down.
Ference is on my team, sorry Katie. He is a contributor to GMP: https://goodmenproject.com/author/andrew-ference/