Anger is part of life, but Tor Constantino shares research that finds it’s also an increasing contributor in our deaths.
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Life is getting tougher.
However, our ability as men to constructively cope and adjust to those changes isn’t keeping pace.
No matter where you live, it seems as if you can’t listen to a newscast without hearing a story about some incidence of road rage, workplace or domestic violence, a public shooting spree, or combination suicide/murder that was motivated by anger.
The facts state that almost all violent crimes in this country are committed by men—angry men.
Beyond these obvious outward examples, anger is also hurting men from the inside out.
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According to several studies from Harvard University, the negative health effects of explosive rage are legion:
- Aggressive personalities are at twice the risk of heart attack.
- They are also at risk for decreased lung function and respiratory complications.
- A man’s risk of stroke increases 14 times within the two hours after a fit of rage.
- Additionally, those with a short fuse are more likely to smoke and drink, get divorced, make less money than those with equal education, and have fewer friends.
Perhaps it’s no surprise that our aggressive tendencies as males manifest during childhood and tend to get amplified as we grow into manhood.
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An article in Psychology Today cites research that looked at more than 6,400 children between the ages of 13 and 17, with the following findings:
- Two thirds of adolescents had anger attacks that involved destroying property, threatening others, or engaging in violence.
- Nearly 53 percent of these anger episodes resulted in injuries that required medical attention.
- The average age of when these anger episodes began was when the child was 12 years old.
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To our sons and the boys to whom we’re role models, we owe it to them to better manage our aggressive impulses and break the cycle of anger as well as the aforementioned physical consequences.
Here are some things we need to consider doing—for their sake as well as ours.
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Identify and defuse our physical responses: Only you can tell when you’re starting to boil inside. At the first sign of your pounding heart, clenched fists, gritting teeth—pause and breathe. Deeply inhale through your nose and exhale out your mouth 10 times. That momentary breathing respite may be enough to delay a volcanic response.
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Avoid stressful situations: It’s important to know the external situations that set you off. For example, if commuting to work every day makes you pound the steering wheel and scream at the drivers around you—see if you can work remotely from home a few days a week or consider flexible scheduling so that you’re not driving during the stressful rush hour.
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Do something physical before you get angry: The key here is to NOT do something aggressive to release the stress once you’re enraged—that doesn’t work. Research suggests that if you punch a heavy weight bag while you’re angry, the aggressive activity actually keeps you upset. It’s better to exercise and mediate regularly before you reach your boiling point to help maintain a steady state of calm.
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Don’t do it alone: It’s a cliche that guys are notoriously bad at asking for two things, driving directions or help when they need it. We tend to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness, when the truth is that our incapacity to control our anger is what weakens and physically hurts us. Ask a medical professional or your HR director if they could recommend a counselor or anger management program to consider.
Question: What other suggestions do you have to stay calm and control your anger?
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Related Article:
6 Tips to Keep Your Next Fight With Her From Going Volcanic
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Anger often spurs us to action. There is a difference between anger and action. Sa Bam Nim said to turn anger into spirit and use it’s force for something constructive. Somebody asked the question once what creates a suicide bomber. It isn’t just anger. It’s sometimes mixed with a feeling of hopelessness. Sometimes it’s mixed with shame. That’s an emotional cocktail few can handle. Absent what Sa Bam Nim said, I think removing the other emotions and dealing with them one at a time might help. A police officer once pointed out that part of the problem of street violence… Read more »
Seems to me that if angry men are the problem, we need to find out what is making them angry and, ya know, stop doing it.
Thanks Diz – that’d be nice wouldn’t it?
The problem is that no one wants to put in the time, money, and resources to find out what makes men angry and to resolve the things that make men angry. Nowadays, kids in school are being drugged in order to keep them docile instead of trying to find what their problems are that causing them to become angry. For example, if a kid has some kind of mental problem that was never discovered by the parents because they don’t have the knowledge to recognizes the kids’ mental state. Also you have the school resource police officer being use to… Read more »
What about women? I have seen a lot of Afro-American women get angry over anything and everything and I am surprise that homicide or violence is not the leading cause of Afro-American ladies dying in this country because they get too angry too often. The same goes for a lot of white women as well. I also seen a lot of Afro-American men losing their anger all the time and I am surprise that the number of Afro-American men have shrunk considerably since homicide is the #1 leading cause of Afro-American males. If you want to stop anger by men,… Read more »
As I stated in the subhead of the article – everyone is touched by anger, it does discriminate. However, the vast majority of the stats and facts show anger is far-and-away a much bigger issue for men than women.