If you were making the gender-swap of this video, what would you say are the impossible expectations of guys?
So this video, above, from BuzzFeed made me laugh because it really is what it feels like to try to live up to all the expectations put upon us women. You’re supposed to be “X” but not too “X”, and definitely “Y” but not “Y” to that degree. You’re doing that too much. And be “Z” a lot. But don’t make it look like you’re trying to be “Z”, okay?
But I know for a fact we do the same thing to men. We want you to be emotional, but I know that guys get a lot of shit for being “too emotional” – whatever that means. We want you to be strong, but not impenetrable. You’re supposed to have a great job, but not work TOO much.
Life is confusing. Our expectations of each other are really high and confusing and contradictory.
If you were making the gender-swap of this video, what would you say about what’s expected of guys?
This one by BuzzFeed sorta touches on it, too. It’s called “What Every Man Should Know” but isn’t that problematic just from the outset? The video does a pretty good job showing the absurdity of all of this.
Expectations are the whole problem, which is why people are always disappointed when they don’t get what they want. Try living without them and you may be pleasantly surprised.
Wise words, Wes. They run deep.
The moment we focus more on what we expect of OURSELVES in response to the expectations of others, we stop worrying about our expectations of them. If we are unclear on what OUR value is and OUR expectations for ourselves, we will be consumed with confusion and resentment over the demands of others.
Sorry, Joanna. Don’t mean to change the topic. But I think the ultimate answer is “who cares what they expect?””. A better question is “What are we prepared to give, without condition, regardless of anyone’s expectations.”
are these actual expectations that men have of women? or things that women have read in a womens magazine written by a woman about mens expectations.
Sounds a little more like the latter to me
Good point!
That’s right! Men in our society are muted. Women tend to speak for them a lot!
Maybe it is like this:
Some men don’t even know exactly what they want (same as women). Others are afraid they might be ridiculed if what they want is different from what they think everybody else wants. So in each case they just parrot something conventional.
I know that when I was in high school I was made fun of for finding the “wrong” assistant teacher hot (i.e. not the one everybody else found hot). Just to name an example.
There’s a problem that I see with both of those videos…
Did anyone ever hear all those contradictory expectations came from the same person, or is it just a compendium of what “society”, or “the media” expects from genders? Because you can please a person, but you can’t please “society”.
No matter what gender you are, no matter what you do. You can’t please everyone. Live with it.
in my experience, the vast majority of people are far more prone to parrot media in what “women” as a group want, than to put the disclaimer about actually checking in with the individual they are with.
Because you can please a person, but you can’t please “society”.
Speak for yourself…
Challenge accepted. 1. Clean shaven but have that rugged unshaven look 2. Be confident and proud but don’t think too highly of yourself 3. Smile but don’t be creepy 4. Be tall, but you know, not really tall, just a little taller than the woman 5. Be passionate and driven, 100% of the time but you know, you also have to have time to spend with your potential partner as well. 6. Be emotionally intelligent but don’t over share, just let it out a little bit so they know it’s there. Women don’t want to actually have to deal with… Read more »
Luke, all of these are perfect!! You should write a whole article about this!
I might have to speak to Ed on this, my success on the old dating scene since my separation is, well a work in progress. My list looks something like this: 1. Shaves intermittently depending on whether my three day growth is itchy 2. Pride, doesn’t that have something to do with lions 3. This one I can do. 4. 6″5′ women hide really well, I haven’t seen any for years. 5. Second one covered 6. Yeah about that over sharing, I’m a writer. 7. The ladies call me their big teddy bear – holly crap how do I leave… Read more »
11. When making love, you should be preemptive and know what she wants wifhout asking, or before she even knows it herself. Be confident, take charge, sweep her away, and you may even ravish her. But be painstakingly meticulous about receiving consent and preferrably wait for her to initiate the whole thing.
Well done, Luke!
Lol – Bonus point
Love it.
12. A confident man who knows what he wants and pursues it is sexy. A man who hangs around too long and gets to know a woman before declaring his interest is a manipulative Nice Guy(tm). So don’t wait to make your move. But don’t go after women just based on looks, you objectifying pig!
Ah yes the friend zone, completely forgot about that one. I have the other issue, once I declare my interest I get turned down and we end up becoming friends, but at least we know where each other stands and I’m in the friend zone because they are good people and not because I am following them around like a lost puppy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7ZrBCY9ipI