Women are jaded about men, and men aren’t helping with their behavior. James Michael Sama presents a solution.
By James Michael Sama for YourTango
Women need to know there are still good men out there.
I’m constantly baffled by women’s perception of the “men” of our generation. The generalizations put forth these days almost makes me embarrassed to be a millennial, member of Generation-Y — or whatever you want to call it — simply because I might get grouped together with them and assumed to be similar.
On the flip side, women who are perpetually jaded and only talk badly about men are making themselves look worse than the guys they’re bashing. No man wants to fight an uphill battle with somebody who automatically vilifies him simply because of his gender or age.
Men need to work to become better, and women need to know there still are good men out there.
Though, it does make me wonder: what’s the basis for these widespread, consistent accusations? Could it be an exponential worsening of the modern woman’s taste in men, that they’re only choosing broke, uninterested, commitment-phobic, unambitious slackers? Or, is our generation of “men,” really becoming what they’re accused of being?
I refuse to sit back in silent discontent and believe that the devolution of the male race is a plague-like epidemic we’re witnessing first-hand.
This is the reason why I’ve created this website and the Facebook community that goes along with it — to stand up and make the statement that we can overcome these stereotypes by working to do more and become more.
But lots of men are really making my job of defending them (us) increasingly difficult.
Anytime I post an article about what men want or how men act, I’m met with dual responses from women. Many women are uplifted and encouraged by my statements, while others show a skepticism justified by their lack of experience actually finding these men.
They tell me that while the sentiments are nice to hear, they’re just not realistic; that men really aren’t looking for mature, well-adjusted, successful women; that men don’t want the companionship and equality I assure them that we do (I’m glad to have found it, after all).
And while all these discussions are going on between myself and these women, the men are nowhere to be found. There’s silence.
I’m defending men to the women who are discouraged by them, but I sometimes wonder if these men are deserving of the defense they’re getting if they’re not willing to speak up for themselves. Where have all the gentlemen gone?
It’s a modern-day version of “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” Do women choose the wrong men, or are there so many wrong men out there that the odds are just making the cards fall that way?
Fellow men of the world: learn from our predecessors who carried themselves with dignity and class. They were providers, protectors, and a support system for their women. Even though society has evolved and men no longer have to be the sole breadwinners in a relationship, we should still have the ability to be if it were needed; that hasn’t changed.
Some of us call it having honor. Dignity. Integrity. Qualities which so unfortunately seem to be sorely lacking in our generation. I understand that some men feel these qualities they do possess are going unappreciated.
We can easily see how the cycle begins: Men do not think women appreciate good guys, so fewer guys act in this way, causing women to become convinced there are no good men left. Rinse, repeat.
The fact of the matter is that good men and women are out there — but they feel as though their attributes go overlooked and therefore stop displaying them to the world.
We should never allow someone’s lack of appreciation of us to alter our nature. Our value and self-worth comes from within, not from the approval of others; that’s why it’s called self-worth.
Women want to believe you still exist. They want romance, courtship, chivalry, and respect. They want your love and your loyalty. And they want to give you all these things in return.
Don’t allow lesser effort put forth by your counterparts to tarnish your own reputation. Don’t fall in with the crowd. Don’t blend in with the shadows. Don’t take the path of least resistance under the presupposition that striving to be better will get you nowhere.
It’s true that good men (and women) are difficult to find in today’s society, but that makes them so much more appreciated when they are.
And don’t worry about how few there are in the world. If you can’t find one, you can still be one.
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Originally appeared at YourTango
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“But lots of men are really making my job of defending them (us) increasingly difficult.”
Isn’t this I am a good man but other men are bad sheit getting tiresome. I get it you thing by bashing other “bad” men and virtue signaling that you are a “good man” ups your chances with the ladies but that weak sheit is played out. Women aren’t buying it and everyone see’s through it. So continue your war on the the thousand strong straw man army.
“Fellow men of the world: learn from our predecessors who carried themselves with dignity and class. They were providers, protectors, and a support system for their women.”
“Some of us call it having honor. Dignity. Integrity. Qualities which so unfortunately seem to be sorely lacking in our generation”
Hmmmm this sounds like the old Patriarchy that we are trying to tear down aren’t we? Or are we really?
Interesting…I remember when you blew me off James Michael Sama
So let me get this straight. Men need to show women that there are still good men out there but women don’t owe men anything? (https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/guys-stop-thinking-owes-anything-mkdn/)
Women want men to fit in with their modern day ideals, a good man won’t let it happen. A good woman won’t expect him to..
There are plenty of women handing themselves out like sweets so where is the incentive to be some pussy whipped bitch for the rest our life just to get a regular lay?
This is a man’s world, always was, always will be. Men are just using the current situation to their advantage.
Okay to be honest i now know that there is no such thing as a good man. I used to believe that men could control their need to fuck anything and everything with a hole and a heartbeat. But I now know the hard truth that I think we all don’t want and have tried sooooo hard to accept. MEN ARE MORE ANIMAL THAN HUMAN AND BY NATURE HAVE TO CHEAT. They just CAN’T control themselves. A lot of women I know are going gay because they have realized this sad truth and I am worried that I may have… Read more »
Hummm interesting! I wonder how old are you!!! Woman going gay because of man, so man have to go gay because of woman!!!
then i have more female then man and guess what, they are my friend because i wouldn’t be able to share life with most of them because their are worst then guys. But if you want to go gay good luck. not me.
The issue with woman is simply!!! what woman want without double standards!!!
Yes there still is . I’m one of them. But it’s hard to find a decent honest woman out there to.
Is there any good men out there???? I just don’t believe it!!!! I just hate my boyfriend I first meet in 2011 and 5 months later he go me pregnant and while I was pregnant I was working and pawning all my stuff to help home out because he has had a lot of bad girlfriends in the past I wanted to show him there was good girls and eve tho he wasn’t wo k I though i was ok but I was wrong while I was at wo k and asleep right next o him he was take d**k… Read more »
In my experience, when a woman complains there are no decent men, it’s because she’s not the kind of person decent men want to date. Usually these women are not mature, nor well-adjusted, nor successful, and men who are looking for these things look elsewhere. You can’t tell them this, of course, any more than you can tell the man who thinks that “all women are golddigging bitches” that the problem is him, not them.
There are some exceptions to this, I’ll grant you, but exceptions they are, not the norm.
Come the fuck on. Really??!! Well you keep telling yourself that. Whatever makes you FEEL better right?? I spent my 1st relationship being cheated on- now he’s gay, 2nd beat me and cheated-he complained that I wasn’t docile enough because I didn’t cook and clean for him at the ripe ol age of 18. He was 27. The next I’ve been married to for 15 years. Since I was 19 now 33. He seemed like an amazing guy who respected women very much. He would always treat me good but about once a year he couldn’t RESIST and had to… Read more »
Moreover if women acted like this to men we’d be masicured or put in a sex exchanged concentration camp somewhere. Probably the latter
Women deserve some kind of REPARATIONS FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOUR GUY’S SHIT. We don’t just get screwed over- we get screwed over for life. We have to raise your kids cuz why the hell would you??!! We have to find a way to support ourselves forever with only 120.00 dollars a month in child support! Well i guess that sounds fair doesn’t it? Then while were so busy doing your jobs your out getting the younger one pregnant cuz it’s now her turn to deal with your shit. All while were busy and as we get older women are… Read more »
I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.
“Good” is no more a marketable currency on the market. And I don’t know if it ever was.
Ah ahh Ahhahahhahahahahahahaaaaaa!
http://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/may/14/early-men-women-equal-scientists
More about equality
I leave the debate here.
Clybourn and Ralf
http://www.livescience.com/27055-neolithic-skulls-show-violence.html
http://gem.greenwood.com/wse/wsePrint.jsp?id=id259
I will read up when you find good reviews of recent reseach that tell us for sure the “facts” about men and women in the stone age.
Who provided?
To me it seems it is often women that provided 80% of the food.
Then we have the protecting part …..
I can’t do all that, Its too hard, I already have my hotwheels and legos to play with, and I am safer in my playroom.
Are you saying men and women aren’t equal? Are you saying that men are always the suspect and women are always the victims? What is with these rubbish articles. This site needs to pick up its game or lose visitors.
Since the dawn of mankind, men have protected and provided, and put women and children first. Yet they have been accused, blamed and treated with contempt, for manning up to responibilities… Men don’t owe women anything. They don’t need defending for failing to be women’s doormats.
Angelica
Actually we do not know if men behaved like providers and protectors in the stone age .
How can we know anything about that?
Every heard of scientific research? ?
Yes!
Then you should go learn some
Tell me what field that can tell for sure who did what in stone age?
How long have human beeings been around? Am not sure is it ,50000 years?
And most of that time we were in the stone age.
What field of science can be certain about what men and what women did for jobs at that time?
What field of science can know that for sure ?
I am more than happy to read up ,but as far as I know it is pretty hard to know about gender roles in the stone age.
Angelica – first let me say that I don’t believe this is as true of men today. And I don’t believe this was true of ‘every’ man throughout history. However, if we are going to talk about a general history, lets be realistic. Since the dawn of time, men have put men first. Men might have protected and provided for women and children. Although I believe this has more to do with a code of masculinity among men then it was about women or children. This was more about protecting what was ‘theirs” in the possesive sense. They also denied… Read more »
” Men wanted to dominate women”
And you wonder why you’re taken so often as sexist? Do you have the least bit of self-awareness?
You are telling a poster that they are sexist and lack self awareness while making a sexist remark showing your lack of self awareness. Well at least we can conclude that hypocrisy is not a concern for the cultural Marxist.
Actually in our day and age there are plenty of studies that show men are not acting as providers and domestic violence and sex addiction are at an all time high. 80 percent are women are affected and its a rising epidemic. Our society is messed up. Men are not raised the way they used to be. And it also has not ever been perfect. Throughout history it shows this. Men and women need to start acting right and stop making excuses for being fluzzys and abusive. There are more bad men then good men. And more bad women then… Read more »
Frankly why should I. Women have to prove to me they are good. I have never met a women in my life that has not cheated. Till they can prove they are not lying cheating scum. Who strip kids money and dignity away from men I will no longer do anything for them or with them.
I’m sorry that’s been your experience Arthur. But men cheat just as much, if not more, than women. Just look at the AshleyMadison scandal and how many more men were on that site than women.
Either way, if women should prove they are good, doesn’t it make sense that men have to do the same?
So how’s this supposed to work. A good man walks around proclaiming he’s a good man so women will know there are good men out there? He wears a sandwich board explaining there are lots of good men out there just like him? If he’s going through life being a good man, what more can he do? Words, as more than one person has said, are cheap, except if you get them from a PUA system which probably runs $150. Billboards? I’ve had people say something like, “I didn’t expect that of you.”, in a good way. Looking at me,… Read more »
Haha yeah it works well for nice guys to proclaim they are good.
There are plenty of good men around, if women are interested in good men then they will date them. If they can’t find good men, then their location may suck or they aren’t trying hard enough. Being passive and waiting for them to ask you out will lead to failure.
Maybe call a truce in the gender wars before you go and try to get both sides to liken’ each other again.
I wouldn’t presume to speak for all the “good men out there”, but as someone who considers himself “good” (or at least, on my worst days, decent), I can put down some thoughts. Words are cheap. Easy. Fleeting. And unaccompanied by actions, ultimately worthless. I don’t feel particularly compelled to “defend myself” because I choose to let others form their opinions of me based on my actions and behavior. If that isn’t enough to convince them, there’s nothing I could say that would change their mind. If you’d like an example, here’s this: Living in the South, it is not… Read more »
It seems you’re saying that women have evolved to try and achieve their full potential and that men are trying to evolve also in an effort to find their complete humanity (escape the “man box”). It seems that you’re saying that women don’t want a fully human man. They want a man who will sacrifice his interests for hers and be her personal ATM. Are you sure the problem is with men?
Would you tell women to still be on the ready to be able to provide the gender roles of the past? Why are you telling men that they should be stuck with the stifling gender roles of the past in order to prove themselves to women? provider, protector? No wonder men are not listening to you.
@Jamies Sama: But lots of men are really making my job of defending them (us) increasingly difficult. — So let’s clear the air here: While you may think that it’s YOUR job to defend men, that’s your PERSONAL perspective. It certainly isn’t MY job, nor is it the job of any man in particular. The only person I can and will defend is me. And if someone doesn’t like me, for whatever reasons, that’s life. I’m not trying to bring people to Jesus here. That’s just not what my life is about. Now, that won’t sit well with a lot… Read more »