Show me a happy guy and I’ll show you a man who’s sleeping!
___
Happiness is a gender neutral concept . Luckily for those of us who aren’t facile with foreign languages, English words unlike French ones come with no “la” or “le.”
Have you ever noticed that some men seem relaxed, content, satisfied and perhaps even satiated— although the latter usually occurs when they are in a traditional marriage and the wife demonstrates her love through cooking amongst possibly other more interesting and exerting passions.
It’s virtually impossible to feel happy when stress is eating out your insides.
|
Talking about tradition, a guy whose team won the World Series is generally happy, as is the bartender serving lots of beer and expecting a big tip. A promotion or raise often engenders feelings of well being. Beginning a new relationship with seemingly unlimited opportunities can make one feel fantastic and possibly stressed at the same time. It’s virtually impossible to feel happy when stress is eating out your insides.
The art of becoming happy is as complex as a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle. It is multi-faceted and there’s no such thing as a quick fix. However, read on and you’ll start completing the puzzle today. When you finish will be a result of the level of your determination to make happiness a priority.
Happiness is a state of mind. Male or female, we all have the ability and the right to be content happy-campers. What is it then that causes there to exist a surfeit of angst and dissatisfaction amongst many men?
♦◊♦
Let’s talk about uncertainty—it’s causes an emotional roller coaster. Our comfort level and happiness index rises in direct relation to the acquisition of data and knowledge of what’s expected from us.
Speaking from a male perspective, the above-mentioned isn’t always so easy to attain. If you’re a Baby Boomer or older, you likely grew up with very delineated behavior protocol. There were things you did and didn’t do and lots of mind games played as part of your relationships with the opposite sex. Gen X suffered a similar fate.
The art of becoming happy is as complex as a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle. It is multi-faceted and there’s no such thing as a quick fix.
|
Most Millennials reading this article have little or no concept of life in the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s. Our country has become so much more tolerant than it was back then, and as a society we are far more open to new ideas. Who would have thunk that weed would be legalized both medicinally and recreationally in some states. Holy sh**t!
However human nature is fairly static. Game playing still exists, lack of being in touch with our inner selves is improving but not fast enough, and the bottom line—people are people!
Look at the headlines about sex, dating and relationships on college campuses, in the work force, in everyday life and marriage.
How then can we move forward towards achieving happiness? Words are very important. I use the word achieve, because happiness as a state of being doesn’t occur spontaneously. And often not at all for those who don’t actively pursue and work at it.
We could chat about the fact that guys just don’t know what gals want. “No matter what I do she’s never happy.” But then to be fair I would have to say “No matter what I do he’s never happy.” Some may disagree with me, but I don’t see huge differences between the sexes—at least in this area.
♦◊♦
The beginning of happiness is understanding the expectations you hold for yourself.
Let’s try a Mind Acrobatic’s™ exercise. This will work for guys and gals!
Mind Acrobatics Exercise #1: “Happiness Come My Way”
Time Needed: Twenty minutes or whatever works best for you.
Materials: Pen, paper, beverage, and good music.
Location: Someplace you enjoy.
Turn on your music.
Listen to one song—then keep the music playing.
Take 5 slow, relaxed deep breaths.
Put a smile on your kisser and keep it there for five seconds.
Stop smiling.
Smile one more time.
Spend a couple of minutes thinking about something that once made you happy.
Pause
Super, you’ve just completed part one of an exercise designed to put you on the path to greater happiness.
“Happiness Come My Way” (part 2)
Begin writing in stream of consciousness everything you can think of that makes you happy.
Don’t self-censor. No one is looking at your list. If you like drinking cappuccino in the nude, put it down! Recall the absolute “best” moments in your life. What did they feel like? Were you with someone?
Write for about 10 minutes and stop whenever you want.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freePut your paper aside and don’t look at it.
Smile one more time—or 2 or 3!
Great, you’ve just completed part 2 of the exercise and soon you’ll have some interesting data to review.
The mind is a fascinating organ. Once put in gear it continues to work in the background, much like the operating system of your computer or smart phone. You now have happiness on the mind whether your realize it or not.
We were talking earlier about uncertainty and stress. These are two evil doers who dwell in the recesses of your psyche. Our goal is to begin the process of getting rid of them. They are a brick wall blocking the attainment of happiness.
It’s unlikely you will ever know all that is going on in the mind of another individual—particularly the opposite sex. However, if you refuse to be a game player or let someone play with your head you’re well on the road to smashing that brick wall blocking happiness.
Read what follows now, but wait a day or two before taking the next step.
“Happiness Come My Way” (part 3)
Find a comfortable seat.
Take out the paper you wrote in part 2 of the exercise.
Read it over.
Pick one particular happy moment you listed and relive it in your mind.
Read all that makes you happy.
Look for any pattern that might exist—there may not be one—that’s OK!
Decide that today you are going to be happy.
No one is going to interfere with your happiness.
Your happiness is going to exist all within you today. No one else will play a role.
Choose one activity that you will engage in that makes you feel extra special!
Super, we’re almost done. Pick a time to launch your “happiness” activity and go out and have fun. You’re doing this on your own. Enjoy!
The mortar that holds the tiles of the vast and colorful mosaic of your life is self knowledge. You’ve got a better idea now than 20 minutes ago about what makes you happy.
Hopefully one thing is clear. Guys you won’t tolerate, nor will you engage in game playing with other people. It creates uncertainty which prevents experiencing happiness.
You’ll continue introspection and participate in exercises that will help you learn more about yourself. If you’d like an additional Mind Acrobatics exercise, email me with the word “Happiness” in the subject line and I’ll send you one that’s designed to help you learn more about what makes you tick.
♦◊♦
Here’s today’s takeaway. Men (and women too) you want to be happy. Who doesn’t? We’ve only touched on one aspect of achieving your goal. There’s lots more to do—but it’s fun and will bring you gratification as well as improve the quality of all your relationships.
Happiness is contagious! Enjoy today and how about going out tomorrow spreading some of that happiness around!
Photo—Timothy Krause/Flickr