What happens when one person in a platonic guy/girl friendship wants more than the other?
Dear Sexes: Before one of my close guy friends left for the summer, he told me that he’s into me. We have one more year left of college together, and I’m moving overseas right after that. I have no real plans to start a relationship, but I told him we can give it a try in the fall. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that I really want to concentrate on my career, and perhaps more importantly, I don’t want to lead him on and give him false hope. Should I still ‘give it a try’?
She Said: When it’s time to give it a try, you’ll know it. You’ll know it in your gut, your heart and… well… you know where!
Until then, keep the friendship platonic. Great friends are hard to come by, no need risking what you two have now. Just remember to act normal and happy and just like your old self when you interact, even after you say you just want to be friends.
If you want another opinion, check out Hugo Schwyzer’s The Dangers of Underestimating Sexual Compatibility.
He Said: If you have to give yourself a pep talk just to “give it a try”, then try something else. Focus on your studies, focus on your career, focus on someone else. Just don’t lead your friend on. If you were into it (and him) you wouldn’t have to debate the pros and cons of it. And if you were really into it, you probably would have already explored (and acted on) a romance with this guy.
Sure, flattery and attention are fun. But there’s nothing fun about taking advantage of a friend’s flattery, just for the ego boost. If your feelings aren’t mutual, politely decline his invitation to romance. In the long run, your friendship will thank you. And in the meantime, you’ll be free to have some real “fun” overseas. Bon voyage!
Photo of young people hiking courtesy of Shutterstock