A woman wonders if the guy wants to see other women because he’s just not that into her.
Dear Sexes: I’ve been dating a guy for the past three months. He said he wanted to keep things open = dating other people. Up until a month ago, we weren’t seeing anyone else. This week he told me he met someone and wanted to be honest with me. New girl and him not at the place in their dating “ship” that he and I are at, and he would still like to see me. Well, we went to dinner and a movie, and had a great time the other day. But after digesting all this the next day, I told him that I would prefer we be friends. I just don’t think he was into me, right?
She Said: This is a good choice for you if you weren’t comfortable having this “open” of a relationship… If you need to be the only girl in a guy’s life, then it’s so awesome that you made that clear and were able to not compromise your comfort and security with someone who isn’t feeling the same as you.
If, however, you telling him you wanted to just be friends was merely a pre-emptive strike against a break-up, then maybe it’s a mistake. I firmly believe that people can have strong feelings for more than one person at a time. How we choose to relate to those feelings is a part of setting up our healthy boundaries with others.
The guy you’re dating clearly finds it important to keep a relationship open for a while, and get to know other women. And most likely, those boundaries are just as good and healthy as yours (seeing as he was open with you and respectful about it). If this is the case, it might not actually have any reflection upon how much he likes you. It might just be a reflection upon how he goes about dating and getting to know women.
So the big question you have to ask yourself is this: Regardless of how much I’m guessing he likes me (only he can know that – so ask him if you really want to know!), am I okay with the openness of this relationship? And move forward from there.
He Said: Good move! This guy may have been into you, but he’s also getting into some other things (and some other women). It sounds like you were interested in dating him, and he was/is interested in dating around. It’s totally fine to date around, but two people have to be on the same page. While you were both working under the umbrella of “dating other people”, did you, yourself, ever look elsewhere, or were you mainly focused on him? For some reason, I have the feeling it was him who was doing most of the looking elsewhere.
There are plenty of guys out there who you can have fun with, will make you feel good, take you to dinner and a movie, AND make you (and only you) the center of their attention (on a day-to-day basis). If that’s the type of relationship you prefer, forget about this guy, and get your search on. And if “dating other people” boy comes crawling back to you, when he realizes the grass isn’t always greener, write us back. We’ll help you with the next chapter. For now, you’re writing your own story just fine!
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