Healthy masculinities are developed through connecting body, mind, and spirit, both with self and others.
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As a 22-year-old young male on his journey to manhood, I feel confronted with models of sexist, violent, and homophobic versions of masculinities that can produce a recipe for disaster. To combat the debilitating propaganda, in my limited, youthful wisdom, I have cultivated my own recipe in obtaining a healthy masculinity. So far it’s worked pretty well for me.
I think that as a young, white male it is my responsibility to be conscious of what kinds of masculinities I am presenting to the world. As I get older and realise more and more that I know less and less, I have discovered that people may believe that this white, educated, higher middle class, heterosexual male is more worthy of respect. This belief encapsulates the theory of hegemonic masculinity, the pinnacle of respect within Western society.
I think that as a young, white male it is my responsibility to be conscious of what kinds of masculinities I am presenting to the world.
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I am incredibly careful and aware of what kind of man I am, and what kind of man I am growing or transforming into. This is of upmost importance to me because whether I like it or not, whether I acknowledge it or not, my social identity holds great responsibility. This responsibility stems from my privilege.
Am I saying that I am more important because I’m white, educated, male and in a relationship with a woman? Certainly not. But I am also not naïve or careless enough to ignore these privileges afforded to me. It would be childish of me to do so.
Your connection with your manhood is a host of elements of your being. My three fundamental, shall we say “secrets to success” in acquiring a healthy masculinity include; connecting physically with your body through training, connecting intellectually with your mind through reading, and connecting socially with other men.
Connecting with your body through training:
Fitness improves every aspect of your overall health and well-being. This is has been researched and documented time and again. It helps to relieve frustration, stress, and anxieties, which in turn makes you a more pleasant person to be around. Furthermore, it has the potential to elevate confidence in your body and your physical capabilities. Training helps build your motivation, discipline, and dedication; when you’re disciplined with your diet and fitness regime, it starts to reflect in your daily life. You become more disciplined in your studies, your career, your sleeping pattern, and your physical health begins to generate an overall holistically healthy being. The best part is there is bound to be some kind of fitness, training, or sport that interests you!
Connecting intellectually with your mind through reading:
The final, and most important secret to my transition from boydom to the glorious realm of manhood is connecting with other men– good men.
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You should always be reading. Broadening your mind, working on your weaknesses, and answering questions you didn’t previously know the answer to. Read what interests you, or compliments your work or study. Read papers, books, magazines, journals, and blogs on masculinity (like this one). Go to the library and borrow books on manhood specifically, or books that enhance your connection with your manhood. Educate yourself on social movements, for example the men’s movement. This is being your own role model. A real man can identify his weaknesses and make a conscious effort to work on them.
Connecting socially with other men:
The final, and most important secret to my transition from boydom to the glorious realm of manhood is connecting with other men– good men. Men who you admire, that can share their wisdom, hold you responsible, treat you with respect, and guide you. It is important to spend time with older men whom you can learn from, not just your father (although he is your most formative role model of how to act and who not to be).
Spending time with blokes your own age is obviously important and natural. Do not bother with friends that don’t have similar values as you, that don’t mirror the kind of man you want to be. On a general note do not spend time with assholes, unless you have a desperate desire to be an asshole. Fellas, remember you don’t have to be a douchebag to rival the ancient arts of masculinity. You too can achieve a healthy masculinity if you adopt these three really easy practices.
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Manhood isn’t an age, or a stage. It’s most definitely not a trophy you can win in a pub fight. (Although I will, with shame admit I have tried.) Manhood is a sense of being, a connection. This connection is based on your relationship with yourself and with others. It is established by what you put into those relationships, and what is reflected from others.
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Image credit: KrzysztofTe Foto Blog/flickr
Hmm. I have a couple of issues with this. “Connecting with your body through training:” Why is *training* the way to do that? I’d rather that using my body be an integral part of my life and not a separate thing. I’d rather do things that involve using my body because I like doing them. Transporting myself as much as possible. Going on trips with the kids or friends. Seems to much more fun than going down to the gym for a work-out. Wait – sorry, I meant *driving’ down to the gym. “You should always be reading.” There are… Read more »
I think most if your issues just water down to the fact that you connect with your body and mind differently, which is fine and works for you. These have worked for me, and of course won’t work for everyone. I say “training” as a wholistic term not just going to the gym. I like lifting weights, there’s nothing wrong with me enjoying that but like you I also like being outdoors and using my body to move around within nature too. I think you misunderstood the last point and took it out of context. I have lots of friends… Read more »