“I’ve always been ‘friend-zoned’. How do I stop seeking approval?” Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt dissolves the nice guy…
Question: I’m a 31 year old man who has seen some of your youtube videos and I get your newsletter to my email. Also I’ve been to the get her to say yes site but I need help to fix the nice guy that I am. Mainly in some videos I’ve noticed you say something about people or a man seeking approval from the outside world. I have to deal with something like that way too much, I’ve always been friend zoned.
Answer: First, thank you for following my content and joining my community of conscious wonderful people. I just filmed a BDay video in the Bahamas with my son where two clients from my Inner Circle joined us… I was in tears of gratitude to live the life I do, and to watch the magic these clients have created in their lives. You may have seen photos of us all in my newsletter? Even about running into Michael Jordon and Derek Jeter at dinner the last night… my son came out of his skin!
Back to the topic of seeking approval.
As little ones… it seems as if all the love, attention, approval, safety and security is found from mom and dad… as we grow up from friends, as we mature from a lover… no one teaches us that we have it backwards… that all of these energies and experiences are holographically projected outward based on our own relationship with our self. Do you love all of you, even the wobbly parts? Do you give the scared part of you as much attention as the confident part? Do you judge parts of you and approve of others? What would it take for you to snuggle in safety the parts of you who feel ashamed or nervous… instead of ignoring them or worse, bashing them over the head with a symbolic 2×4?
The act of being in allowance of ALL of you, accepting ALL of you, eventually loving ALL of you… dissolves the friend zone, eliminates the nice guy.
My deep healing coaching series of sessions or weekend Intensives literally re-wire how you think, feel and BE as a man. A noble badass as defined in my updated complementary Training which I will launch next month is:
“He’s grounded, in his body, able to penetrate the world with his presence, sexy, loves being a man. He’s certain, deliberate, chooses, doesn’t rush, asks questions, doesn’t conclude, react or blame. He knows his calling and doesn’t follow laws that diminish his freedom. He doesn’t see self as superior, he just IS who he is, strong, calm and requiring no mask, grateful for his mentors. His posture is tall, erect, yet loose, ready. He’s on the planet to be used fully and enjoys communion with his body, the Earth and Life itself. He’s a protector, physically in shape, financially solid. He’s a present, sensual, fully expressed, confident lover. He’s intuitive, instinctual, aware of her energy, trusts his knowing if she requires tenderness or ravishing, and is willing to ask for guidance. He sees women as works of art, their bodies as Divine Temples. He doesn’t need her, he chooses her for intimate communion to evolve each of their Souls and Consciousness.
He’s patient, compassionate, kind, non-judgmental, yet he’s not a pushover. He’s happy, lighthearted, accessible, genuine, even dorky, with a wicked grin. He’s vulnerable, expresses his truth, can go deep and dark with an open, unconditionally loving heart. He does what contributes to the All, even when no one is looking. He creates what he desires, he never gives up. While he moves toward his target, he savors the present moment, not fixated on a goal to the destruction of others. He takes what he wants with no apology and gives generously to uplift all of humanity. He knows what he knows, and doesn’t require others to agree or understand him. He’s rarely reactive, yet if he hurts another, he isn’t defensive and is quick to make up for the pain caused or damage done. He’s at peace with who he is. Children and animals are drawn to him, sensing his kind, strong, reliable heart. He is grateful for the moment, and chooses to become the best he can be. A Warrior of the Light, a Kind Alpha, a Noble Badass, his True Self.
He’s who I want running the country, who I want my girlfriends to date, who I want to be my husband, who I want my son to be. A man who is a Noble Badass invites the best in women, our kindness, radiance, joy and sexual devotion. While you may have found me to support your dating, relationships, sex and intimacy,
I DO create successful results in these areas, and yet, do you want to know a secret? I really heal and remove what’s on top of your glory, and invite your grandeur to be, unencumbered, unleashed, unbridled and free…WHICH is what’s required to get the perfect girl for you, and what’s required to keep your Goddess in pleasure and rapture for the long term.”
So I encourage you to watch for the updated www.GetHerToSayYes.com site in February and download the updated How To BE A Noble Badass Introductory Training. And I boldly encourage you to sign up for a Find Your Perfect Mate Strategy Session with me to see if you’re a fit for my program. Email my [email protected] Subj line: GMP sent me- Get me out of the friend zone. If you don’t choose that 2016 is the year to dissolve everything in the way of you having a hot healthy long term intimate partnership… and then take effective actions to change it… nothing is going to change love. We can do this.
With all the love in my heart, Allana oxox
Photo: www.BigStock.com
The problem, and I know this from vast experience, is the order of operations. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got your shit together. When I was in my 20s, I was making 6 figures. I was a social dynamo, a musician, a DJ, a snowboarder, biker…a guy who would get a roomful of cheers when he showed up to a party. But, physically, I would never be able to make an impression on any woman. Dramatically shorter than average height, scrawny-looking, despite going to the gym and being able to bench press 300 lbs, facial features that, while not “ugly”,… Read more »
Get a dog, a Jeep / motorcycle ( or both), go to the gym, take some classes, travel, learn a new language and most of all FORGET WOMEN. Ignore them, pay them no attention, no mind, no favors – they hate to see a successful happy man alone – they will orbit, hover, intervene and attempt to meddle at nearly any instance they can. Get a big serious DOSE OF I DON’T GIVE A F*CK, and you are forever done with the friend zone. Psi if any girl says she wants to be friends, tell her it would ruin the… Read more »
LOL!!!!!
“Get a big serious DOSE OF I DON’T GIVE A F*CK, and you are forever done with the friend zone.”
Boris, I have to say your comments crack me the hell up…!
Cheers!
Unless it’d the “friends with benefits” zone, don’t bother. Making women the center of your life is a major mistake because the more you obsess about them, the more they pull away. You are only as strong as what you are willing to walk away from.
There are very few noble badasses in the world, especially if you consider being financially solid as one of them. In fact most men have a much greater chance of dating a woman far more attractive than he is than a woman finding this idea of a noble badass. Over 60% of men last I checked are not in physical shape. Many men are not financially secure. Take out the number of insecure men and you will have barely any left. Then add in the idea he has a high degree of emotional IQ to read her body language to… Read more »
I agree men have a lot of expectations to be “strong” and not vulnerable. This isn’t good because everyone has moments when they need support. Your significant other should be there for younat those times. At the same time, I think that yes, insecurity is a negative trait, for both sexes. Men don’t really want to be around women who are needy and insecure. I have an anxiety disorder and depression, and dating was really difficult for me. I scared many great guys away with my low self esteem and constant need for reassurance. If a person is insecure to… Read more »
@ Sarah, “It’s not fair to expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to build up your confidence or to help you become a different person.” Wow!! isn’t this called growing together? Don’t you want your man to be successful and confident? I would hope so. So, anything a woman can do to help with this is not unreasonable. There is a difference between having to “baby” your man and being supportive to help him increase his confidence. As I have said many times, narcissism (me me me) and get get get is the root cause of so many problems in our society. Have… Read more »
“I have an anxiety disorder and depression, and dating was really difficult for me. I scared many great guys away with my low self esteem and constant need for reassurance. ” I know a lot of men and women with that, including myself. The women with it are far far far FAR more likely to have a partner, including long term relationships, than the male. Men with anxiety disorders, and shyness have a much harder time in dating than women because women too often want a man who is confident, and many still prefer a man to ask a woman… Read more »
@Archy: You totally nailed it. “You can tell yourself over n over how you are a strong, confident, sexy man but if you aren’t having women attracted to you then you’re telling yourself a lie. If you truly were this confident man, you’d get success and have at least 1 woman interested in you.” Totally me. I started out fine in my teens, on the basis of being extremely popular and having lots of women who enjoyed talking to me, sometimes to the exclusion of everyone else around at parties, dinners, etc. It was only after asking out around 150… Read more »
@Sarah Radford,
Hi,
I think there’s quite a difference, in some orders of magnitude, regarding the insecurity a man or a woman are “allowed” to display without being seen as needy and difficult.