Alex Barnett believes his son’s identity is his own identity. He should not be forced to disclose it because others are curious or discomfited by not knowing.
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My wife and I are an interracial couple. She’s Black. I’m White. Our 3 year-old son is Biracial.
Often we are asked about our son: “What race is he?” In response, I usually just say “Master race, because the Germans aren’t using the title anymore.”
But, if I am being serious rather than attempting sarcasm for a moment, I worry about my son being asked this question over and over and over again when he gets older. I know from talking to friends and colleagues who are Biracial that this question “What are you?” is asked of them constantly. And, without exception, it irritates and rankles them to no end.
As a dad, I want to protect my son from such irritating questions which can also be offensive and hurtful. So, I tried to come up with potential responses he could offer:
1. I am an American.
2. I am a New Yorker.
3. I am a Jewish person.
4. I am the son of two over-educated, underpaid, overly-neurotic people.
5. I am a hominid.
6. I am a unique combination of genetic material, the exact recipe of which has never existed before and never will again, even if my parents have more children.
7. I am at home in every community and no community.
8. I am exhausted from having to answer this question again.
9. I am frustrated that people care more about what I am than who I am.
10. I am the nightmare of the closed-minded and the dream of the forward-thinking.
These responses beg the question: “Why must he respond?”
My son’s identity is his own identity. He should not be forced to disclose it because others are curious or discomfited by not knowing. Although I understand that most people ask this question out of a non-knowing or benign curiosity, asking people “What are you?” is still just a little too invasive under even the best of circumstances. Under the worst, it smacks of fascist or racist society where the “other” are rooted out. Perhaps the fear comes from that fact that I’m Jewish and asking people what they are is too eerily reminiscent of Nazi Germany for my taste and comfort level. Or maybe it’s just that asking someone what they are is offensive because “why are you f**king asking?”
My guess is that even under the best of circumstances, people ask Biracial people “What are you?” not to stimulate conversation or because they are intrigued by the wonderful variability of the human species but rather to set themselves at ease. The questioners can’t handle the unease caused by not knowing, so it’s easier and better for them to put the Biracial person on the spot and make that person feel ill at ease if only to comfort themselves.
How’s that for selfish?
What does it matter? If the answer to the question “What are you?” is “Half-Black and half-White” or “Nigerian and Welsh” or “Native American, Chinese, African-American, Jewish, and Dutch” what difference does it make? Because in the end, isn’t the answer to the question “What are you?” simply “A person.”
Photo: Henry/Flickr
I am uniracial and get asked this question a lot! My four-year-old twin boys will no doubt be asked many times in their lives as well. It’s so rude and inappropriate, especially when the person doesn’t accept an answer like “I’m an American.” and keeps up with badgering inquiries. Most of my friends and family don’t understand why this engages me or say, “Oh, he was just curious.” as if that makes it ok. Since I’m always caught off guard, I never have a snappy retort ready, like “How much do you weigh?” or just “That’s none of your business.… Read more »
Sigh. I am the mother of a biracial boy who also has two mums. I feel this question will just be the tip of iceberg for my poor boy in terms of unnecessary and rude questions. I like to think that if we return to the UK people would not be so rude as to ask ‘What are you?’ but here in Thailand they have no qualms. I think for the vast majority here the biracial heritage is much less of a big deal than the two mums factor. I’m going to go ahead and ready some pointy responses, hope… Read more »
I was always very science-minded and told people to “check my DNA.” “But but but, are you more black or white?!” Usually the DNA statement shut them down because half the kids didn’t know what DNA was and the others were just so ignorant they didn’t know what to say…or maybe realized they were asking a completely unintelligent question. My five year old is much, much lighter than me – to the point where he looks white, even though he has my (blackish) features. I’ve been asked by strangers if he’s “scared of black people” – to my face. ??… Read more »
My children are not bi-racial but due to their hair and skin colour, are often mistaken for being bi-racial. Our experience in Canada has typically been that people will ask my eldest daughter “What is your heritage?” Which feels somewhat invasive or nosy, but not as obnoxious as “What are you?”, which is what we typically get when we are in the U.S. We are tempted to say “Human”. I could be wrong, but it has always felt to me like people in Canada ask out of curiousity, but people in the US base their decision on whether to like… Read more »
One way we can make changes is that we can eliminate ALL questionnaires that ask for ethnicity. My kids are also biracial. While in HS, we were asked to complete an ethnicity form (voluntary). My wife completed the form by placing a large “X” on it and then wrote “American.” We can start change by eliminating hyphenated titles … Mexican American, African American, etc.. My kids, because they’re bi-racial, qualified for school grants they wouldn’t have qualified for if they were white. Accordingly, because we view our kids as being “American,” they didn’t event attempt to take advantage of the… Read more »
My son is half-Asian, half-Jewish….we tell him lots of stories about his ancestors…he is descended from a great ancient military general on his grandfather’s side and I remind him that that is something to be very proud of…I think he is very comfortable about who he is and he is also cognizant of his own identity as an American suburban teenager with musical talent…many of his friends are weird mixes of different races and cultures…so he feels right at home in our polyglot community….
Well said. These categories have always been flimsy, illogical things, and our society will be better off once it begins to get rid of these categories. I would go further, however. Your child is not half of one thing and half of another, because NO ONE is precisely 50% of one thing and 50% of another. No one is strictly biracial. Everyone on the planet is multiracial on some level. It’s just a question of how far back you’re willing to trace ancestry. If we’re still going to use racial categories, that is. Realistically, the question “what race are you?”… Read more »