Mark Sherman, a big fan of President Obama, asks him to call the nation’s attention to the problems facing boys and young men.
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Dear Mr. President,
I am a lifelong liberal Democrat and a strong supporter of your presidency. A friend and I drove two hours to canvass for your candidacy in Scranton, PA during the 2008 primaries; I was overjoyed when you first won the nomination and then the presidency that year, and equally, if not more, ecstatic when you were re-elected last year.
I contributed by far more to your campaigns than I ever have to any other political candidate.
I continue to be a huge fan of yours—bravo for your stands on gay marriage and gun control—but there is one thing about which I have been disappointed: your administration’s apparent lack of concern about how boys and young men are doing in America today. It is in this one area that I have found you, to my dismay, entirely silent. I have been concerned about this issue for 20 years. When I started reading and writing about it, I had three sons; they have since been joined by three grandsons. I would love to have had a daughter or granddaughter, but I have simply been blessed by boys.
I am sure you are aware that on so many measures boys are lagging behind girls, and have been for quite a few years now. One of the best comparisons comes from Tom Mortenson, a senior scholar at the Pell Institute for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education, in his oft-cited “For every 100 girls…“. Here is just a small sampling of his statistics:
• For every 100 girls diagnosed with a learning disability 276 boys are diagnosed with a learning disability.
• For every 100 fourth grade girls who watch television four or more hours per day, 123 boys do.
• For every 100 girls ages 9 to 11 years enrolled below modal grade there are 130 boys enrolled below modal grade.
• For every 100 tenth grade girls who play videogames for an hour or more a day, there are 322 tenth grade boys who do.
• For every 100 girls who are suspended from high school, there are 215 boys who are suspended.
• For every 100 young women who earn a bachelor’s degree, there are 75 men who do.
• For every 100 females ages 15-24 who kill themselves, 586 males do.
• For every 100 women ages 18-24 who are in correctional facilities, there are 1439 men who are behind bars.
I realize that women have still not achieved full equality—whether in terms of salary or position. But if one considers Americans under the age of 25, there is little question that it is boys and young men who are lagging.
Even Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times, who is well-known for his op-ed pieces on the terrible problems facing girls and young women across the globe, has noted and written about the very different situation here in the United States (and it is one that exists in other industrialized nations as well). In March 2010 he wrote a piece titled “The Boys Have Fallen Behind”, where he opens with these words:
“Around the globe, it’s mostly girls who lack educational opportunities. Even in the United States, many people still associate the educational “gender gap” with girls left behind in math.
“Yet these days, the opposite problem has sneaked up on us: In the United States and other Western countries alike, it is mostly boys who are faltering in school. The latest surveys show that American girls on average have roughly achieved parity with boys in math. Meanwhile, girls are well ahead of boys in verbal skills, and they just seem to try harder.
“The National Honor Society says that 64 percent of its members — outstanding high school students — are girls.”
There are efforts throughout the country to rectify this, but there is no movement even vaguely comparable to the effort made to help girls in areas where they have been behind. I believe this is because the effort to help girls came as an outgrowth of the women’s movement. Women understandably felt that they did not want their daughters to face the same obstacles they did, and both fathers and mothers of daughters have been excited by the ways in which they have excelled.
Until recently, and perhaps even today, mothers of sons have been excited by not only the success of women, but also of young girls. But I have found that more and more mothers—and grandmothers—of boys are becoming concerned about their sons’ and grandsons’ futures. A perfect example is Dottie Lamm, former first lady of Colorado, Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate in 1998, and a leading feminist in her state. Ms. Lamm, who has three young grandsons, wrote a piece in the Denver Post in April 2010 titled “Our Boys Are Falling Behind in Education”. Her opening lines are “What’s the next battle for an aging feminist? Boys.”
Parents of daughters should be concerned about boys as well. Young women typically want to marry men who are their peers, or close to it, in education, ambition, and earning potential, but as the gender gap grows, finding a partner becomes more and more difficult.
I know there’s been a push for a White House Council on Boys and Men (to parallel the one your administration started for Women and Girls soon after you took office), but I also understand that men are typically not seen as having major problems. Might I simply suggest a White House Council for Boys—or for Boys and Young Men?
In the meantime, if in one of your speeches, comments, or press conferences, you could just mention the fact that America’s boys and young men need our nation’s attention, it would bring to me, and so many others, a great feeling of hope.
Thank you, Mr. President.
Sincerely yours,
Mark Sherman
Lead photo: Flickr/Yuya Sekiguchi
Second photo: Flickr/EaglebrookSchool
Most of you have made it more than clear that this problem does not concern women and that any efforts on behalf of sons is completely unwarranted. The point is well-taken. After reading the comments above, I am unsurprised that so few people are concerned with this issue.
One glaring omission from this discussion of the challenges that males face in our society is the startling fact that more men and boys struggle with the after effects of being sexually abused (>1 in 6) than have diabetes (1 in 10) or heart disease (1 in 8). Sexual abuse is a human-made epidemic, and male survivors especially have received virtually no support historically. Indeed, there are still professionals and and advocates who maintain that males cannot be raped (it was only in 2010 that the FBI changed the definition of rape to be gender inclusive). All over the country… Read more »
You have my full support!
One in six is 16,6%.
Dear Mr. Sherman, This is a valuable piece. I am pleased (and a bit surprised) to see it in The Good Men Project. Statistics like those you cite have been widely known for at least ten years. More like fifteen. do you know how have they been addressed by the US Department of Education? Or any other state or local department? My own research last year suggested that the US Department of Education has thus far done precisely nothing, on the grounds that even studying the issues would be “too controversial.” It would be interesting to know what political pressure… Read more »
Thank you, Mr. Koch. Sadly, I don’t know of any governmental efforts to address what Michelle Conlin called “the new gender gap” in her excellent cover story in Business Week magazine in 2003; actually, the fact that girls and young women were outpacing boys and young men was nothing new, even in 2003. Perhaps individual states are doing things, but nothing I am aware of. And at the federal level, I don’t know of any pro-male projects at all. You might check out The Boys Initiative (www.theboysinitiative.org), a non-profit based in Washington, D.C., that deal with these issues. I edit… Read more »
You’re right on about the need to support boys and men. Please note that President Obama has made efforts right here in Chicago: visit this link to check it out. http://www.worldsportchicago.org/press/president-barack-obama-participates-in-youth-guidances-b-a-m-sports-edition-program-at-hyde-park-academy/
Plus, Mayor Emmanuel, former Chief of Staff, has made a big financial commitment to the effort and the First Lady was part of a fundraiser. So, efforts are being made and its up to men like you and me to own the efforts to raise awareness and make an impact. We are not just descendants, we are ancestors – our young men need us.
@Dan: you must be kidding .The President had to be embarrassed by a Chicago activist and a young-man of color who implored the President in a letter posted in the Huff post to get off of his duff and come to Chicago and give them- young-men of color- some words of encouragement in light of the gun violence that was sweeping the area When it comes to recognizing males and the problems they face the PRESIDENT HAS AN ABYSMAL RECORD. The President can’t be trusted to do anything for them except expect them to fight in a war and come… Read more »
The problem with children of “color’, where to begin?? 7 of 10 children are born to single mothers, 3 of 7 to “children” (Teens). The men of the community look at children as a sign of their “manhood” the more the merrier. There are 8 times as many men in the criminal justice system then in school. there is a 25% high school graduation rate of which 14% are college “ready” of those 8% graduate college after 6 years. There are 5 times as many women of color in college than men, the women graduate with higher education degrees (PHD… Read more »
Jose, Thanks for your insights. I’d like to hear more about what you’ve learned about children of color. Write here or drop me at note at [email protected] (be sure to answer the spam request if its your first time writing me.)
Hi How come young girls/ women manage to fight their way of this difficult social situations but boys don’t? Upwards social mobility for girls but not for boys? Is boys sense of self,identity as men tied up with old fashioned work while women is comfortable with the jobs that a modern society needs and value ? Like when boys that is brilliant on computers are called nerds. Where I live we have rural commuities where men stay behind farming, hunting and value their masculity in an traditional way. Single men. . Young girls move out, get an education. Fortunately we… Read more »
Because primary and secondary education has a majority of females, females are raising kids more than males, so a male has far fewer role models. Not to mention there was the big push in the 90’s to help the girls out without also ensuring the boys kept up. “Where I live we have rural commuities where men stay behind farming, hunting and value their masculity in an traditional way. Single men. . Young girls move out, get an education.” The typically male jobs around here are farming + the “tradie” stuff, eg welders, fitter/turners, boilermakers, carpenters, etc which require learning… Read more »
Hi Archy It sounds like you live in an interesting place. One day I will visit Australia. I did not like school either and most teachers saw me as noisy,unruly,can not sit still girl, that never learns to write well, and asked too many question. I agree with you,they ( we)must change how we train and educate children. And the boys that prefer it must be trained the way you see it. One last word, since you mention math. Are you aware the best paid jobs are those where you need math? At least in my country. So it is… Read more »
Yeah but most people aren’t after the very best paid jobs, they tend to involve huge workloads and stress. Here in Aus you can earn quite a bit of money ($100k+ in some cases) simply driving dump trucks without the need for advanced math.
That is a very good salary !
Hi Jed You write: “they would rather kill or mutilate others, be killed or mutilated themselves, than live without pride, dignity, and self-respect.” Can you tell us more about what it takes for a young man in America today to get respect, be treated with dignity? What hinders, men from feeling pride,self respect and dignity ? I am not thinking of the large male prison population but rest of the young men that are not in conflict with the law.( Prisons are designed to destroy any dignity and self esteem you ever had, so I will not talk about them… Read more »
Iben, You ask lots of good questions. I’ll respond to a few here. If you’d like more on my work over the last 40 years, please visit me at http://www.MenAlive.com. I think one of the key issues for many of us, including men in our culture, is the shame that so many of us grow up with. Rigid male roles make many ashamed to be who we are. For me, I grew up with messages that told me that real men don’t cry, are never weak, are strong, take charge, never fail, etc. As a result I spent a lot… Read more »
Hi Jed
I am sure you have heard this explanation about why boys don’t cry:
Society raise they to become soldiers.
And what can we do about that. It is so sad.
I look forward to read your blog and the book you recommended.
There is no law of nature that say we need to accept high levels of violence in any society.
I’m not Jed but if you don’t mind my taking some of these questions on? Can you tell us more about what it takes for a young man in America today to get respect, be treated with dignity? That’s a tough one that I really can’t answer. But from what I’ve seen in my own upbringing and that of past generations of men when you set men up in a system where they must do a set formula of things in order to get dignity and respect and those things come at high price, it won’t go well. What hinders,… Read more »
Hi Danny Thank’s for answering! Since I only watch life in the US from Scandinavia it makes me wonder. You write: “For example the idea that a man should take pride in making sure that his wife never has to work outside the home, even if it means working himself to an early grave. I’d call that too high.” Is it possible that still today in 2013 in America men are mainly valued because of their earning power? Which means you either need to succeed in getting a good education( minimum college) or be an smart entrepreneur that makes money… Read more »
Is it possible that still today in 2013 in America men are mainly valued because of their earning power? Actually that is starting to fade but bear in mind that there are still A LOT of men (and thus boys as well) that lived their entire lives by this thought and there are still parts of the system that do as well. Part of the awakening that men have to go through is that we are more valuable than our earning potential. Which means you either need to succeed in getting a good education( minimum college) or be an smart… Read more »
Mark and friends, Dr. Warren Farrell and others have been working since 2009 to urge the President
to create a White House Council on Men and Boys, to parallel the one that was created for Women and Girls. You can check it out here: http://www.warrenfarrell.name/
Mark, thanks for addressing these issues and asking our president to step up and be heard. Another aspect of this problem is the violence which often results when we neglect our young men. The whole country pays attention when there is a school shooting or a bomb that goes off at a public event. We rarely look at these tragedies through the lens of gender. Its most often young men that are the perpetrators of this violence, and usually these acts of violence also involve suicide (sometimes by police, usually male, who shoot the perpetrator). The violence continues to escalate.… Read more »
Bingo. Nail slammed into wood here. Nicely done.
The whole country pays attention when there is a school shooting or a bomb that goes off at a public event. We rarely look at these tragedies through the lens of gender. Its most often young men that are the perpetrators of this violence, and usually these acts of violence also involve suicide (sometimes by police, usually male, who shoot the perpetrator). I would say that the lens of gender is applied to these acts of violence but it is often done in a very selective and limited way. For example we talk about how most of these acts of… Read more »
Millions of young men, unemployed, laying about playing video games and eating bad food causes an increased output of methane gas, thereby further elevating global climate change. I think this is an angle that the President can get behind…so to speak.
LOL
Kangaroos produce virtually no methane. If we switch to replacing beef cows with kangaroos, we would significantly cut down on methane production as well.
Of course, if you could capture the couch potato methane you could turn it into natural gas. Could I get a clean energy tax break for trying that at home?
I would prefer to separate some of these stats from each other, because they are not all products of the same problems. Some of these things need to be addressed at the national political level, because they are questions of policy and infrastructure and how society treats boys. For example, the ways that boys and young men are treated as students, employees, defendants, and patients. Lumping in video game and TV consumption is pretty dubious, though. Those are not so much about what is done to boys as what boys do to themselves. If I had to prioritize my efforts… Read more »
I think that if we can frame our desire for boys to achieve to their fullest potential, we can help all of these issues (or at least almost all of them) and watching media more than what is found to be damaging to their schoolwork is a part of that. Certainly it ranks nowhere near the importance of addressing what’s happening in the criminal justice system, but it’s a part of a bigger whole, where we’re seeing boys and men as not needing attention, not needing focus and determination. Maybe because we think of men and boys already being focused?… Read more »
I think that’s a great point about the expectations that boys face, and I hadn’t really thought of it that way before. A lot of people think that boys must be more focused than girls, because you know those males have a one-track mind and simple programming, and it’s still supposedly a man’s world, so boys must be already getting what they need. Instead of comparing girls’ experience to the experience of the mythical boy who has everything going for him just because he’s a boy, we should be comparing real-life girls and real-life boys. The real-life boy is not… Read more »
P.S. I could just be defensive about the amount of video games I play. Don’t take my vids away! I’ll behave, I promise!
The guv’ment can take my control pad from my cold dead fingers.
Instead of comparing girls’ experience to the experience of the mythical boy who has everything going for him just because he’s a boy, we should be comparing real-life girls and real-life boys. The real-life boy is not the boy with all the privilege in the world with everything nicely laid out for him by the powerful system catering to his every whim. I think the main point of the article was to look at actual boys and young men “on the ground,” not boys as foils for ideologues. I think this is something that gets lost in the gender discourse… Read more »
The boys are watching media, playing games as a way to relax, unwind, but also learn skills that are important to them. Play an MMO and you CAN gain team-work skills (if you want your shiney epicz you better work together), but hand-eye coordination, learning to spot movement better, etc. It can be an escape too, I used games heavily as a way to escape my soul-destroying depression at the time. Fix the underlying problem and games will probably be used less, I spend far less time on games now that I have other hobbies, I love building stuff, love… Read more »
Oculus Rift 🙂
cant wait for that…
” Another example of how patriarchy has damaged both men and women.”
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How depressing. How deeply depressing. Even in an article that points out the suffering of boys there is the standard anti-male ‘blame it on evil men’.
This is supposed to be a reasonably serious discussion. All that rubbish about the ‘patriarchy’. Do feminists ever take a sabbatical on beating up on men?
I agree that we all need to pay attention to how we raise and rear our boys. Read Dr. William Pollack’s “Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood” and it will blow your mind. We need to dismantle the what Dr. Pollack cites as the Boy Code which teaches boys how to act and demands that they cover up their emotions. Not only will boys be more successful in school, they will be empathetic and less prone to violence towards themselves and others. Violence is an exclamation mark on a long sentence which starts during childhood and… Read more »
Mark,
Thank you so much for writing this! I think it strikes right at the heart of the issue!
This letter niggles at me, actually this whole issue niggles at me…but not because I don’t think it’s important. It’s just the general framing of it that I find worrisome. Like, okay, take this paragraph: “Parents of daughters should be concerned about boys as well. Young women typically want to marry men who are their peers, or close to it, in education, ambition, and earning potential, but as the gender gap grows, finding a partner becomes more and more difficult.” It’s a problematic way to frame it……’hey parents of daughters, don’t you want your girl to be able to find… Read more »
Let me try. I think I see what you’re saying. What I’m hearing you say is that we shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, if I may use a pronatalist metaphor. Helping men or women should not be at the expense of the other, insofar as that is possible, and we shouldn’t treat one gender as more important or more bedrock than another gender. My take: I didn’t get the sense from the article that he was saying that men are more fundamental to society somehow. He was registering a sense that boys and men have particular plights… Read more »
I think wellokaythen is right… and maybe that’s because I know Mark Sherman well, and he’s the one who says all the time that the answer is not in more women going to prison, or more women using drugs, etc, but rather that less men go to prison or commit abuse, etc. Then total rates can go down, and naturally the ratios of women:men would even out when less of this bad shit is falling on men. Other than the line about women not necessarily having men to marry, it’s really entirely about helping boys because it’s the right thing… Read more »
Isn’t this all just an argument that we need to invest more in society across the board? Or, better, that the attentions we should provide should be toward those who are socio-economically disadvantaged instead of promoting more and more programs that are either wealth-point-of-view-centic (like how NCLB screwed the poor of all stripes) or based on classification that is predominantly middle-class (like a lot of the STEM-encouragement programs are; they certainly aren’t encouraging inner-city youth into those paths in earnest)? Gah. I think I may just be internalizing my cynicism more and more. This is a great call to action,… Read more »
I agree. That was well-written and thoughtfully and respectfully stated to President Obama. I do hope he reads it! The next generation deserves a future in which men and women have equality. That is what previous generations struggled to obtain. It is not anti-feminist for parents to want their sons and daughters to find happiness with someone of their own intellectual background, should they wish to seek it. Let’s not confuse the natural desire for human companionship with anti-feminism. Right now there are 4 college-educated women for every 3 college-educated men, so we know that 25% of college-educated women, should… Read more »
The Y chromosome I believe is far more unstable which leads to more discrepancy in learning abilities and other problems from what i can understand. I think it also explains why there are more very low-intelligence males BUT also more genius-level intelligent males on the bell curve. That said the problem is OVER diagnosing the boys + not giving adequate support to those who have been diagnosed + “feminized” learning n the sense of basing learning on typically feminine styles of learning and heavy emphasis on that instead of a mix. Possibly we need to split the genders by 1… Read more »
Just fyi, Its actually the x that mainly affects intelligence. Thus women have a more average intelligence curve due to gene weighting, while men have that wide range due to only having one.
/ tmyn
I thought they averaged out similar?
@Joanna: Yeah, as I tried to stress by using words like “niggling” and pointing out that a lot of what I was saying wasn’t directly about the article….I wasn’t trying to say I disagree with what Mark’s saying. (Aside from that one paragraph, obviously).
“It’s a problematic way to frame it……’hey parents of daughters, don’t you want your girl to be able to find a good husband?’ It’s actually the opposite of feminism, in a lot of ways. I, as a woman, should definitely be concerned if our education system is failing boys…but not because I might one day want to marry one, and not because I might one day be a parent to one. ” It’s the same argument feminism has given men on why they should care about feminism, just reversed genders. The argument of helping women actually helps men too because… Read more »
“women wanting to gain equality is viewed as laudable, but ultimately without consequence. If women do, or don’t, gain equality….society will ultimately trundle on. But if men fall behind…well then there are some serious potential consequences.” I have heard some form of this argument before, an author will argue that the decline of men should be important because it will adversely impact women. But your take is certainly an interesting spin on it -and I guess I continue to learn about the view from the “other side”. I’ve always grimaced at this framing because I presume the author believes his/her… Read more »
And I get that it’s just one paragraph that isn’t even the main point of this letter. But, like…this issue seems to be to often be framed with the underlying assumption that if men are the bedrocks of our society, and thus if they fall behind in education, our society will crumble. Women will stop marrying them! Progress will halt! etc. Which, I’m not even saying that’s something I think your letter is saying…just that’s often something I see underlying this conversation. Actually I think this framing comes from the thought that men only matter for as long as they… Read more »
What about the simple fact that the problems of half of society will inevitably affect the other half? Unless you are proposing segregation, there is no way for women to be unaffected by the troubles of men, and vice versa. And in fact, the problems of half the population affect the other half, regardless of gender. Maybe if we cease to view gender as the main concern and instead focus on the fact that these woes affect 50 percent of the population? Although I have no problem with considering the emotional well being of young people in romantic, sexual, or… Read more »
Let me try to clear myself up. I’m not trying to say that the two halves will never have or should never have any affect on each other. What I’m saying is that when considering the how to help one half we should stop making “How does this the affect the other half?” such a priority that the it is given priority to helping the half we are trying to help in the first place. Yes what boys and men do will have some effect on women and girls but let me ask. When trying to help boys/men which is… Read more »
But the problem is that your focus in your commntes is once again on women. It should not be that difficult to take your focus and your sympathy and your concerns away from your own sex for one topic. That is what is desperately needed – the willingness to talk about men without changing the subject to women and feminism. That is the true test now for feminists. Are you willing to see men as human beings without talking about yourselves? It is a difficult test and goes against the world we live in. But the plight of these young… Read more »
I see. My reasons for wanting to help young men are entirely wrong, therefore, in all fairness, I must therefore cease to want to improve the lives of young men and boys. Because even if the end result is the same – improvements in the lives of young men and boys – my reasons are all wrong. Thanks for clarifying that I must stop caring about this issue.
If your reasoning for helping us is that it might benefit you then no, I don’t want you on our side.
You can leave now.
The problem is the framing of a male problem around women. In other words, if you think that “men need help because they are doing poorly in academia and women want to marry educated men,” in your mind the real problem is women wanting to marry educated men and not finding enough candidates. In this case the way to solve a particular problem affecting women just happens to involve helping men. It would be like a campaign to promote health and fight obesity in women stating their purpose as “because men want to marry thin, attractive women.” Let’s help people… Read more »
Mark, thanks so much for this hopeful letter. YES our boys need attention! When we look at the rates at which boys are falling behind, particularly boys of color and lower socioeconomic status, we should be appalled. I saw one study stating that boys of color are startlingly more likely than white boys to be punished for the same offenses in school, and punished more harshly. This leads into the stark differences in sentencing in the criminal justice system, too. It’s a tragedy, in fact it’s a damn-near civil rights catastrophe. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Yes,… Read more »
“Yes, white men still rule the world (business, government and more) but our boys and young men need our attention and support to help create true equality in the future.” What an ignorant and stupid thing to say. Tell me, how many white people are there in India and China whom are ruling? Those 2 countries alone have populations that probably dwarf white people. Also, men do not RULE the world, the world is a variety of power structures with varying levels of input from women, my country has a large female powerbase along with the males, women have power,… Read more »
Even in some countries where Whites are the minority, they still have the most power.
And if you don’t think that Men occupy greater position of power world-wide than women by and large, you’re crazy. Trying to think of a few counterexamples so you can ignore your privilege is a waste of everyone’s time.
“And if you don’t think that Men occupy greater position of power world-wide than women by and large, you’re crazy.” Nice reading comprehension. You do realize my argument is that the majority of power being in one genders hands =/= that gender ruling the world right? If 70% of leadership is with men, then the world has a 70% rule of men, 30% to women (and non-gendered people?). It’s a generalization, and one that proves to be false because men do not rule this world, people rule it, men have MORE power but she didn’t say that, she said men… Read more »
White men also dominate the homeless shelters.
I hope they do make a council for boys n men but I won’t hold my breath.