Fat Dudes Are Hot


Marianne Kirby likes lots of kinds of bodies, and fat dudes are on that list.

I have to start with my favorite hot fat guy, Ed.

I have to start with my favorite hot fat guy, Ed.

This one night, I’m out with a couple of friends, and I have had some cider and cheered some people on about their karaoke business. And there’s this dude.

Screen-Shot-2012-10-26-at-11.04.37-AM2He’s what I’d consider a nice solid degree of dude fatness, which means he’d probably get labeled stocky. He probably had to wear husky pants as a kid.

I’m already monogamously married at this point, but I still like to look around. And so I look and this guy is right up my proverbial alley with the fatness and the blondness and the glasses and the beard. And the geek shirt. That’s an important element as well. (As well as an entry point to flirtatious conversation.)

Hawt. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

Hawt. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

I end up chatting with him because karaoke and cider combine to make me a very friendly person — and I’m already a pretty friendly person. But that’s really all I have planned because, you know, monogamously married. And Ed is just my type, too.

But my friend was kind of concerned because she didn’t know what was going on — all she saw was me flirting with a dude who looked a lot like my husband. In the car on the drive home, she tells me it’s because all she knew was that cider was on draft, and he was EXACTLY my type. She’s a total mom (which is an awesome thing), and it cracked me up.


My friend @Nicholosophy who is going to have to explain Australian uniforms to me.

My friend @Nicholosophy who is going to have to explain Australian uniforms to me.


There’s not enough cider in the world to make me cheat on my committed partner, but, you know, my friend was picking up on how very much I appreciate what the bearded blond men around town are putting down. It’s cool.

I think this story got away from me, but the point is this: Fat guys are hot!

I actually find a lot of different people aesthetically pleasing. I’m not, like, trying to create a hierarchy of hotness because that would just be a fool’s errand to compare apples and oranges and rambutans. Why compare when they are all so delicious? I mention fat dudes specifically because they often get left out of the appreciation posts — and many of them often feel left out of fat acceptance, too.

Some people are just BEAUTIFUL. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

Some people are just BEAUTIFUL. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

Fatness really does operate in a different way for a lot of men. Ed will talk about being fat (and medically, he totally is) but then he wears a medium in his underpants? I have no idea how that works. But I don’t have to understand it to appreciate it.

There are a lot of different kinds and degrees of fat. Maybe it’s because I am myself fat, but I really like bodies with mass. That’s not dissing thin and/or small bodies. Those bodies are also awesome. There’s just something awesome about heavy bodies that take up space, too.

Can we talk about suspenders? I need more fat dues to wear them. Thanks, @baniak and @bibliogrrl!

Can we talk about suspenders? I need more fat dues to wear them. Thanks, @baniak and @bibliogrrl!

I also appreciate the tactile qualities of fat dudes. Listen, muscle guys are pretty to look at, but they do not, in my experience, make for the best quality cuddling. That is reserved for fat guys. (Again, not dissing muscle bodies, because there are awesome things about that body type as well.) Fat dudes play on the little bit of “oh, it’s nice to feel protected” that exists in my nature. It’s totally hot.

I don’t know how the other xoJane folks feel, but I am turning this into a fat man appreciation blog.

I don't know this guy but I wish I did. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

I don’t know this guy but I wish I did. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

Obviously people are more than their bodies. Personality and wit and intelligence and all of that is more important than a fat round ass when I am in the market for a partner. But fat people hear about inner beauty all damn day like it’s supposed to be some sort of consolation for not looking like what we’re supposed to look like. What about outer beauty? Because fat people have a lot of outer beauty.

I don’t mean beauty in the really narrowly defined culturally mandated way either. Because, frankly, sure, those folks are beautiful, but sometimes they are really boring just by virtue of being the cultural mandate. The hottest people I have ever seen aren’t trying to look like a cultural ideal. They just look like themselves — whatever that happens to look like.

This totally attractive person is Jose Sagastume (@aviciouskoala).

This totally attractive person is Jose Sagastume (@aviciouskoala).

Once you get out of the habit of expecting all bodies to look like the ones in magazines or the movies, it’s easier to see just how many hot people there are wandering around. And yeah, I really do get that some people have preferences. But it doesn’t make any sense to me that a preference for a certain type should somehow mean no one else gets to be considered attractive.

Hotness at the door. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

Hotness at the door. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

I just got back from Wiscon recently, where a (totally hot) friend of mine was talking about how there aren’t many clothes for fat men that are designed to show off various body parts. Like their thighs. As much as we talk about issues of clothing access for fat women, we don’t spend as much time talking about how fat men are just as constrained when it comes to self-expression — especially if they want to present in any way other than what’s available in the Big & Tall department.

I love this pic of Irfon-Kim Ahmad (@twMaize).

I love this pic of Irfon-Kim Ahmad (@twMaize).

That’s a literal crying shame. That wraps us up in fat hate but also in sexism — because sexism hurts everyone, including men. I appreciate sites like Chubstr and Chubarama (thanks for that link, Emily!) because they not only make fat men visible, but because they show us all kinds of fat men, presenting in lots of different ways. (Chubarama is not always guaranteed to be work safe, by the way.)

Other than the pic of Ed up at the top, these are all pictures from volunteers —  Chubstr sent me a selection but so did a bunch of Twitter friends. I love all of these pictures. I just want to note that “hot fat men” is an even broader category than is represented here. It’s fat of varying sizes, it’s hot fat disabled dudes and hot fat trans dudes and hot fat men living all sorts of intersectional identities.

I would flirt with this guy so hard. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

I would flirt with this guy so hard. (Via @Chubstr and Chubstr.com)

Who are your favorite hot fat dudes? What do you love about fat dudes and their bodies?



Originally appeared on xoJane

Also from our partners at xoJane.com:

I Quit My High-Powered Office Job and Found Happiness in a Hippie Community

10 Reasons You Don’t Have a Job You Love

I’m Jaded After Being Cheated On 3 Different Times



Lead Image Credit: @Chubstr and Chubstr.com





Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About xoJane

xoJane.com, Jane Pratt's lifestyle site for women, is not about changing yourself to fit any mold of what others think you should be. It is about celebrating who you are. Like Sassy and Jane before it, xoJane.com is written by a group of women (and some token males) with strong voices, identities and opinions, many in direct opposition to each other, who are living what they are writing about.


  1. I seem to have a thing for skinny, sometimes short, Jewish guys with big noses. BUT, I have been attracted to a wide range of body types and one of my exes was heavy-weight with facial hair and I was incredibly attracted to him.

  2. SomeAnonymousDude says:

    While I was growing up, I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I am a gay male.

    While this was happening, I slowly become aware of the fact that the kind of man I found attractive did not align with the mainstream and culturally accepted presentation of what a ‘attractive’ man looks like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to skinny and/or athletically lean men. I however, am not.

    Ryan Gosling? Thanks, but no thanks. Jared Leto? If he does it for you, great. I’ll pass.

    Louis CK? Seth Rogan? Andy Richter? Ahem. Yes please.

    There is a saying in the gay-o-sphere; when you’re into bears, you have to come out twice. Sadly, it’s true. Wanting to pork chubby dudes is a minority position. A minority within a minority.

    But since this is written from the perspective of a straight woman, it takes on a different dynamic. And oddly enough, it does make me glad to think there are straight woman out there who actively dig the same dudes I dig and for the same reasons. I have never met a woman like that, but it makes be happy to know that they do, in fact, exist. I guess because I want chubby dudes to feel sexy, gay or straight.

    Because dammit – they are fucking sexy. Nice broad shoulders and a big hairy barrel chest… lovely round bellies and bums… yep. Chubby dudes can get it. I know of people who would bodycheck Joseph Gordon-Levitt to get a piece of Jack Black. And their attraction is in no way less legitimate. It’s just less common.

  3. Cajunmick says:

    To Ms. Kirby, KKZ, et al.:
    Thanks so much for letting overweight men know that there are women that are not only ok with their size, but actually find it appealing. Other ladies of a similiar mindset, let us know you’re out there!
    I’m a big guy myself. And yes, there are times when it’d be great to be thin-to-athletic. Clothing, seating, dating, employment, etc.
    For those men that are thin or athletic, if you are happy with your body type, good for you.
    The truth is, even if I lost every excess pound, I’d never be thin. My body is THICK. Broad chest, thick thighs and buttocks, hell, even thicky, stubby fingers. Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate my thickness. It makes me feel very grounded, very earthy.
    And sexy. Truly liking who you, ina healthy way, are is an attractive trait.
    Y’all be well.

  4. As a grown woman, I’m not going to apologize for liking what I like, or being attractive to things that I find beautiful.


    For decades now, men have been expressing this attraction philosophy to women, with very blunt honesty and force. If said women didn’t agree or sought further elaboration, we were told that we are “too emotional”, “too insecure”, “in denial”, and that “evolutionary research supports the natural preferences of attraction.” All one has to do is go on YouTube and view the paint-by-numbers perspectives of men who discuss being attracted, or rather NOT being attracted to _____, ______, ______ women. The phrase “go work on yourself” comes to mind.

    I mean, after all, men’s preferences don’t change. Right?!?!?

    How about instead of following the crowd, like what you like without making some justification?

    Here is a woman coming onto a MEN’S WEBSITE expressing an attraction to a particular aesthetic of man whose beauty is all but ignored by mainstream society.

    Response? Cynicism.

    Or is it really insecurity?

    Bottom line, unless people learn to love, respect and see the value of HIMSELF or HERSELF without pinning so much stock into THEIR OWN perceived and misconceived viewpoints of the opposite sex, no declaration of beauty appreciation from a member of the opposite sex will EVER be viewed as genuine.

    Ponder on that for a minute…

    Still is that my problem? No!

    I’m attracted to SEVERAL types of men, however my ideal man is an active slightly chubby guy with a full beard. All women do not share my preferences, so what!

    If you DO NOT fit this physical description and are either skeptical or negatively affected by my preference, sorry, but that’s NOT my problem.

    If you DO fit this physical description and are equally skeptical, sorry but that’s not my problem either.

    The problem with attraction is that everybody wants everybody else, while simultaneously trying to make themselves attractive to a man/woman who’s unattracted to them! It’s asinine and a complete waste of collective creativity.

    I’m no beauty queen in the least, nor do I bemoan men for their preferences. At the end of the day I’m not entitled to that kind of outward “approval”. People act like it’s the end of the world if someone you’re attracted to doesn’t like you back and vice versa. All this woman said was that she thinks fat dudes are hot. Big deal! Many of them are and many of them aren’t.


    I for one support and applaud Marianne Kirby’s open mindedness.

  5. Hi KKZ, Lex etc

    As you can see from some of the comments, its is really surprising to men, if not shocking, to see that there are women who can find fat men’s bodies desirable, just as the other way round.

    I am not denying that you find fat men sexually/visually appealing.
    But I have reason to believe that women like you are extremely rare..much rarer than men who find fat women desirable. In fact I’d say there are more gay men who are attracted to fat men than straight women. And gay men are 10% of male population? So you get the idea.

    The experiences of chubby / fat men cant be denied either. And they have experienced that their appearance and body type is pretty much unwanted and sexually irrelevant to women, if not downright repulsive. Yes, I am not exaggerating that.

    Overall, society considers fat men as less desirable than fat women. Which is ironic since fat women get way more sympathy from society for not measuring up to conventional beauty standards.

    If I were to make a comparison between fat men and women, then fat women do way better in the dating & sexual marketplace than fat men. And that is the biggest evidence of my claim that fat men are sexually unwanted by women.

    Most men would agree with me that they have seen plenty of fat women who are promiscuous, have multiple sex partners, have very active and adventurous sex lives. have hookups, casual sex, flings, FwB, F-buddies etc. And not just chubby, but border lining on obese. Rarely, one comes across fat men who have enjoyed similar experiences. Infact there are studies that show fat women tend to have more partners than average weight women !

    Perhaps you can look at the bar/club scene for eg. I can see fat women picking up men for casual sex way more often than fat men picking up women. Or you can do an online adult dating site experiment and see how many offers for sex a fat woman gets vs a fat man.

    So I can only hope that there are more women out there like you. Until then our skepticism is understandable.

    • Thank you for addressing our comments in a level-headed way.

      I did not mean to diminish the experience of fat men who have struggled to find sexual partners who are attractive to them, though in re-reading my comments with that lens, I can see how they might have come across this way. I am a writer and usually try to choose my words carefully, but it seems my language still created a barrier.

      I can understand why some men, based on a life experience of being dismissed or unwanted, would have a very hard time believing that women like me and the author even exist. I can’t say anything to our numbers. I really don’t know, and I don’t know that there’s data out there that could shed some light on this. Suffice it to say, attraction to fat men, and fat women for that matter, is outside of the mainstream, to differing degrees as you point out.

      Attraction is a funny thing. It’s partly biological and unique to the individual, but also psychological and influenced by social and cultural factors. I shared an anecdote in my comment about trying to be attracted to the boy-band types that my friends gushed over when we were younger that I think is especially relevant. Here I was being presented with a selection of “Hot(TM)” men, as if their hotness was a given in the eyes of any normal woman. Certainly I felt abnormal for my lack of interest in them. It does raise the question of how genuine my peers’ attraction to these men was – if they actually did desire these men based on their own attraction, or if they simply bought into the heartthrob message they were being sold without questioning it.

      I certainly can’t say, it’s not for me to judge how authentic another woman’s attraction is, but it’s interesting to ponder how this marketing of a particular male physique influences what women find attractive (or what they *think* they find attractive). Hell, I even wonder if my attraction to David Tennant would have been the same if I had just seen him on the street, rather than absorbed him as the character of Doctor Who. And it’s no psychological stretch to see where my own image of attraction likely came from – my father has been bearded and beer-bellied all my life, as were several of the adult men I grew up around.

      I really don’t know much about the bar/club scene and who gets picked up and how. I experience this all vicariously through media because I’ve been in a committed relationship all of my adult life (I am 25 and married my high school sweetheart) and go to bars/clubs to drink and have fun, not scope the scene. Similarly, I’ve never dipped a toe into online dating. So that is a massive blind spot for me personally, and I can only take others on their word.

      While I am sure that your perception of what women find attractive is influenced by personal experience, I do wonder if you’ve actually talked to a number of varied women about what they find attractive, or if you make assumptions based on who you see them paired up with or how they react to you. I am reminded of one time I actually did go out club-hopping and, while I wasn’t looking to pick someone up, I was curious to see what kind of attention I’d get. Well, the answer was 0, while my hot, fit, well-dressed brunette friend had several admirers. Now say I went out every weekend and the same thing happened. I might start to assume that men just aren’t attracted to redheads, or to women with curves like mine, or women as pale as me. But that would just be my highly subjective interpretation of the evidence – it might be that if I asked each man, he’d say Well sure, redheads are hot, but your friend is more my type. Just the same that I might choose to hit on a bearded man over his smooth-faced friend who is not UNattractive, I just like bearded men slightly more. I could understand why the non-bearded man might take this personally and might assume all women felt as I do, but that would be a bit of an exaggeration. And no beard can make up for assholish behavior, so if the guy I picked turned out to be a jerk, then the smooth-faced man might get bumped up on my radar. I can think of a few guys I’ve flirted with who were outside my normal type, but we had a spark of chemistry anyhow. Like I said, attraction is a funny thing.

      As to “more women out there like me,” as I said, we’re probably not mainstream, so you might not find us in the bars and clubs, but rather in pocket communities like the Chubstr and Chubarama pages the author linked to. Whether this crosses into objectification territory, that’s kinda fuzzy. But consider what I said about feeling like an outcast among my boy-band-crazy friends. My hypothesis: Women who prefer fat men are not as “out” as they might be, because they fear being shamed by their female peers for not being attracted to the Hot(TM) guys we’re told we’re supposed to be attracted to. If that is true, it’s a crying shame, because no one should ever feel bad about who/what attracts them.

      Again, thanks for engaging in the discussion, I find this a riveting topic and appreciate your contribution. Take care.

  6. I’ll be frank.

    If I didn’t already know about attractions like this being expressed on Twitter I’d have a very hard time believing it because it’s simply well outside my lived experiences.

    For the longest time I’ve heard about the existence of women that didn’t hold a guy’s fat against him (much less was attracted to him because he was far) but it wasn’t until VERY recently (like in the past few years) that I actually started seeing it.

    Let me say as a fat guy it would be so nice if more folks that felt like this spoke up.

  7. I don’t really believe that the majority of men objectify women like many of the feminist commenters say they do.

    However I will say that had this article been about men who love fat women we would have had numerous comments already saying it was “objectifying” and what a horrible thing that was. So once again we see how something sexual that women do is ok, but if a man did the same thing it would be bad. I don’t believe in it either way, and I’m glad fat guys are getting love from some women since their mostly ridiculed (but not invisible).

    Would xojane run an article by a man who loves women with big breasts that also has pictures of several of them wearing cleavage revealing tops?


    Ironically, with the exception of the fellow wearing the uniform and the other one jumping, i wouldn’t consider any of the others to be “fat”. Absolutely, chubby beaded guys are hot!

    The problem with society is that we’ve married health/wellness with sexual attractiveness. Work out and get healthy FOR YOURSELF! Not because you want a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or spouse, etc. And, there are several types of fit and health, just as there are of being sexy.

    The hottest man EVER is the one who may appear to be a little on the heavy side, but is actually just muscular. With a full beard, of course!

    And to the guy who replied “I don’t think women have the ability to lust after fat men’s bodies. Sure, fat men get to have sex and relationships, but its because they are chosen for their other qualities.”


    Here’s a woman who is honestly expressing her attraction to this body type, along with other female commenters (myself included). So, this blows your “theory”. Why does EVERY opinion shared on this website have to be so absolute?!?!?

    Many men are attracted to thin, curvy, fat, athletic, women.

    Many women are attracted to thin, chubby, fat, athletic, men.

    • “Why does EVERY opinion shared on this site have to be so absolute?!?”

      It’s frustrating, right? Like I’m some kind of unicorn because I am genuinely attracted to chubby men.

      To be fair, women tend to make similar statements about men only wanting the best T&A, so it goes both ways.

      But it boggles me, to the point of amusement, that someone can read a whole article saying “I am sexually attracted to fat men!” and go “Uh, no you’re not, women aren’t capable of that.” Like… WTF? Do I have to show you my lady-boner to prove it?
      (On second thought, I probably shouldn’t offer that, haha.)

      • Visiting says:

        I know right? Also, if they just went to the source, where it was originally posted they would find even more people who are attracted to big guys with reasons listed!

  9. I totally agree with the author – I could have written this myself. Her type is my type. I sometimes joke that I should have been born a gay male because I am so, so attracted to the gay Bear type.

    I remember going to my very first “college party” as a very green freshman. It was a frat party and most of the dudes there did nothing for me. Then a fat guy with long hair, a beard and a guitar walked in, and I was on him in a flash (well, not ON him, I was still kinda shy and not looking to hook up, but I definitely went and introduced myself and spent the rest of the party hanging out with him).

    There are exceptions, of course – David Tennant, Russell Brand, androgynous men, and guys of any weight with dreadlocks – but my attraction to fat men has been consistent since I was a teen. My friends were all gushing over the boy bands and stereotypically “hot” dudes and I tried to get into that too, but I was pretending in order to fit in – and I felt like a weirdo for not being particularly impressed by anything pop media was offering me at the time and not being able to see what my friends saw in these boys. I fell into geeky social circles and THERE I found guys I liked, and it’s been that way pretty much ever since.

    So thanks, XOJane, for publishing this – while it’s meant to be a fat man appreciation article, I also feel validated in my own tastes in men. Cheers!

    • N.C. Harrison says:

      I just wrote an article about my experiences with encountering the gay male bear community and wondering if women like you–with similar tastes–even existed. Good to know that I wasn’t just musing in vain and that an answer was actually in the offing! Such an amazing website, the Good Men Project… it’s almost psychic that way.

      • Yep, we’re here, we’re just not very vocal about it I guess.

        Have you seen the documentary “Bear Nation”? It’s available on Netflix Instant Streaming. I’ve watched it twice now. Not only do I find it fascinating because of my general interest in sexuality of all stripes, but I admit it’s kinda like soft porn for me. SO many men whose bones I want to jump, talking about how sexy they find each other. Hubba hubba. o.~

        (Disclaimer: I realize that comment sounds objectifying and would be torn apart were I a man making the same comment about lesbians. I am aware that as a female I have the privilege to speak this way without much social backlash. For the record, I don’t tend to agree with most fem’nists on the subject of objectification and in what manner it’s OK to talk about other people’s bodies, so I myself do not feel like a hypocrite for my comment above.)

  10. I think fat is not an attractive body type in men.

    I don’t think women have the ability to lust after fat men’s bodies. Sure, fat men get to have sex and relationships, but its because they are chosen for their other qualities.

    In retrospect, some women can claim “hey, my bf/husband is fat and I’m attracted to him”
    Or “Some of my sex partners were fat, so you cant say I’m not attracted to fat men”
    But that’s different. Its not a like a woman would actively look for or pursue a fat man for sexual relationship because she finds their bodies desirable. Its not like a woman is going to search the internet for erotic images of fat men. Its not like a woman is going to check out fat men’s bodies in public…their arms, thick legs, butts etc. Its not like a woman is sitting in a club and would like the idea of a fat guy hitting on her and trying to take her home.

    I think the author’s appreciation of fat men’s bodies comes off as a bit pitying. Not because she likes to fuck them.

    • Hmm I know some men who lust for fat women. BBW ( Big Beautiful Women ) or fat fetishism is popular in porn. So if men can lust after fat women, I think women can lust after fat men too.

    • I beg to disagree. All my life, since I was a teen and first developing an idea of what I was attracted to, I have been drawn to heavy, bearded men, and neutral-to-averse to muscular and skinny men. I can see why you’d think it’s uncommon for women to lust after fat men’s bodies, but I think it’s a bit of a stretch to claim women don’t even have the ability to do this. If I see a fat man out in public and know nothing about his personality, but feel attracted to him, how could that be anything but lusting after his body? And if a fat man hit on me at a club, I’d be pretty psyched.

      To that point, if a really muscular fit guy hit on me at a club, I’d actually regard him with some suspicion and would try to deflect his attention. This is a gross generalization and I’ll admit it’s unfair, but I tend to think of fit dudes as being kinda egotistical, vain, and untrustworthy, while I give fat guys a pass automatically. Diff’rent strokes, as they say.

      • “This is a gross generalization and I’ll admit it’s unfair, but I tend to think of fit dudes as being kinda egotistical, vain, and untrustworthy, while I give fat guys a pass automatically. Diff’rent strokes, as they say.”

        I’m not a really muscular guys, but I have some friends in my gym who are a bodybuilders and power lifters. And its maybe surprise to all women, but believe me, those really muscular guys, beefy guys, and power lifter guys usually are really nice and kind. This old guy in my gym, an old and retired professional bodybuilders, is a really genuine sweet heart. Hes one of kindest and nicest men I have ever met in my life. Maybe that’s why I get offended if women ( most women I know ) said muscular guys are jerks, assholes, egoistical. Because most muscular men I known are not that. And its unfair to me those kind heart get labeled jerks, egoistical, vain, just because they have more muscle mass than average men out there.

        I dont understand where this ” muscular men are jerk, egoistical, vain, and asshole” comes from. Do women experience more muscular men as a jerk? Or they just assume it because they hate or disgusted by muscular men?

        In my opinion, women who hated muscular or athletic guys ( or assuming they are jerk just because of their muscle ) are no better than women who hated fat guys. Both are shallow.

        • I will totally own that my reaction to muscular guys is shallow and based on stereotypes. I’m not claiming that fit dudes are all jerks, but that’s definitely how I react to them at first glance, and yeah, it’s totally unfair and mean. I’m not proud of it, just telling my personal take.

          I’m not sure where it comes from culturally, but here’s a guess… maybe it has to do with the Jock stereotype, which for me, started having meaning in high school. The guys who were on athletic teams, in particular football and basketball at my school, were typically not the nicest, kindest people. (Then again, teenagers rarely are…) I was bullied by a lot of male athletes who struck me as meatheads – they were scraping by on C’s with hopes for athletic scholarships. I reiterate, it’s unfair of me to take the treatment I received from those individuals in high school and project it onto all athletic men. I know this intellectually, it just hasn’t made it down to my gut.

          I will say I’ve brushed up with quite a few muscular men who were always taking & sharing pictures of themselves shirtless, with their pants down to just above the pube line to show that groinal V thing (I really have no vocabulary for this stuff). Or if clothed, they’re wearing super-tight shirts that leave nothing to the imagination. And that kind of behavior just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I’m sure a small part of it is envy because I’m nowhere near that fit, but I also really don’t like show-offy behavior at all, from anyone.

          And maybe that’s where the cultural women-hate-muscular-guys comes from. (I’m just speculating here, not claiming to speak for all women.) Because confidence is sexy, but cockyness is not. A guy who intentionally dresses (or undresses) to show off his muscles comes across as cocky and maybe overcompensating for some insecurity he has. So it’s not really the muscles themselves, but the attitude projected by many muscular men.

          And even that doesn’t make sense. They worked hard for their bodies, they’re allowed to be proud of them, so it’s kinda stupid to judge them for flaunting what they’ve got. That touches on one other fault of muscular guys, though – even if they’re sweethearts, a woman can guess that any guy who’s really buff, is buff because he’s SUPER into fitness. He’s going to the gym all the time, he’s drinking protein and talking about weights and measuring his results all the time, and that can be kind of a bore if you’re not into it too. I’m reminded of recent conversations I’ve had about people who are into CrossFit, are REALLY into it (men and women alike) to the point of talking about it 24/7, planning their whole lives around it, and some taking on a holier-than-thou attitude to people who don’t live the CrossFit lifestyle. But CrossFit or martial arts or bodybuilding or whatnot, if you’re into it to the point that you’re super-fit from it, that kind of indicates an obsessive quality that may turn people off.

          Anyway, like I said, i’m speculating. And I don’t mind you calling me out as shallow for dissing on muscular men. It is shallow, and I’m not defending it. Your reaction is very valid.

          • “A guy who intentionally dresses (or undresses) to show off his muscles comes across as cocky and maybe overcompensating for some insecurity he has. So it’s not really the muscles themselves, but the attitude projected by many muscular men.”

            Now, what if I change this sentence to this :

            A girl who intentionally dresses (or undresses) to show off his cleavage and curves comes across as cocky and maybe overcompensating for some insecurity she has. So it’s not really the clothes themselves, but the attitude projected by many women who wear sexy clothes or dress which shows cleavage.


            “a woman can guess that any guy who’s really buff, is buff because he’s SUPER into fitness. He’s going to the gym all the time, he’s drinking protein and talking about weights and measuring his results all the time”

            I go to gym three times a week, I drink protein shake, I ate healthy foods. But really ? That’s are all I do? I have a job , I have degree in petroleum engineering, I have been playing guitar since I was 10, I have a band, and I played in lounge and various jazz music events. See? Even if I’m into fitness and build muscle, I can still have a job and hobby . And I can talk about many many things beside fitness with my girlfriend. I love talking about music ( I am a hardcore jazz fans) . I love talking about old and classic movies, Hitchcok’s, Kurosawa’s, or Kubrick’s. I love talking about politics. Even fashion. And all of my friends who are into fitness, even a professional bodybuilder, have another life besides lifting. And if you are not professionals ( and taking steroids ), you cannot go to gym all the time. Those really hardcore and professional ones usually only go to gym 5 times a week, 2 hours each. They still have got a plenty of time to do another activities.

            For me, and for many other guys who are into fitness, fitness is not an obsession. Its just we want to be fit and healthy. Why is it okay for a woman to really take care of their appearance, dieting, etc, but if a man do it, he must be an egoistical self absorbed fitness obsessed vain who keep checking at mirror every minutes if they can???

            Its that kind of thinking rather sexist? And a counter productive towards gender equality?

            • I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I even thought of the “sexy clothes” example myself, before I wrote my reply below.

              If I’m judging you as a stranger based on looks alone, well, looks alone is what I’ve got. All I can tell from how you look (or how you describe it) is that you must go to the gym a lot. Sure, there’s more to your personality, but the scenario presented above was “stranger hitting on me at a club” not “guy I’m trying to get to know & date.” And I’m just being honest, I’d be more likely to respond well to a fat geeky guy hitting on me than a muscular guy with no obvious geek cred.

              Snap judgments are unfair, but they’re also human, and yes, can be sexist. I TRY not to be intentionally misandrist, but culture and personal experience color my perceptions. I never claim or pretend to be 100% not-sexist in everything I say and do.

              • OK, last comment and then I gotta get back to work, and I don’t mean to dominate the conversation here.

                But in the interest of full disclosure, I do have to say this too – I think I probably perceive really fit men as “out of my league,” and fat men as more on my level. So it might be that I project that feeling of disconnection or inequality with muscular men into a judgement of their character.. Not to say that’s any better than being sexist, but I think it’s one important facet of my gut reaction to muscular men.

        • I just thought of a few useful examples from a gender-flipped standpoint.

          If you saw a woman with full-sleeve tattoos on both arms, blue streaks in her hair, and a few facial piercings, at face value you might make some assumptions about her character – she’s rebellious, maybe a little attention-seeking, a body modification enthusiast, and maybe a little “rough” for lack of a better word. She could be a perfect sweetheart but her outward presentation points would indicate otherwise.

          If you saw a woman stepping out of a pink Porsche Boxter carrying a teacup Chihuahua in a designer bag, wearing designer sunglasses and with a beautiful manicure, you might assume she’s something of a primadonna, materialistic, shallow, maybe a little bitchy. Again, she could be a perfect sweetheart, but her outward appearance would lead you to expect a certain personality.

          So it’s kinda the same thing with really buff men. I know it’s not nice to categorize people into boxes like that, but people (men and women alike) do it all the time. It’s human nature. We can’t possibly get to know every person we see beyond their surface appearances, so we make labels, for better or for worse.

          Again, your offense is valid, and either of these two hypothetical ladies would also be legitimately offended if you (generic you) implied that they were unsavory based on what they looked like. I’m just trying to put some context to the assumptions I make about muscular guys at face value.

          • Fair enough, no offense taken. In fact now I think because I have a fit athletic body, I can have more things to impress and surprise woman I approach. She would assume I’m a boring egoistical jerk who only go to gym all the time with low intelligence, and when I talk to her and tell her many things to her, maybe she would think ” Wow, he got body and brain! And hes really nice too! I will ask him out!!! ” Hahaha, forgive my fantasy.

            • John, I know I’ve negatively stereotyped jock/fit guy types myself for a lot of the same reasons KKZ mentioned.

              Before I moved, I belonged to the same gym for a number of years. It was rare to see the fit /jock type guys talking to more heavy set women or more just avearge women. In general, the fit guys tended to talk to the girls with the equally fit and amazing bodies. Or the class instructors. So while there was a man at my gym I crushed on for a long time, I never talked to him because based on my observations, it was unlikely he would have wanted to give me the time of day. Most of the fit type guys seemed to stick with the fit type girls. In general, when fitness is clearly an important part of someone’s life, they usually sem to seek out indivudals that also physically reflect the level of fitness they are into.

    • Tim

      I agree. Most people may not want to acknowledge it, but the definition of an attractive male body is extremely narrow… much narrower than the definition of an attractive female body.

      A woman can be short, tall, skinny, petite, curvy, chubby, regular weight, big boob, small boobs and so on, and still be considered having a desirable body. Men find variety of women’s body types attractive and appealing and arousing.

      On the other hand, the only male body type that is considered hot and desirable is the tall, lean, broad muscular type. That is the only body type that can be sexualized and objectified by women. There is a lot of evidence supporting this. Meanwhile fat women are definitely sexualized and objectified by men (BBW / chubby chaser phenomenon)

      I’ve heard women say that fat in men goes to the wrong places

      You can see some evidence of this in the sexual marketplace. It is much easier for fat women to obtain sex because there are so many men who sexually desire fat women’s bodies. Meanwhile some of the most sex deprived virgins are usually fat guys.

      • Jay
        “Meanwhile some of the most sex deprived virgins are usually fat guys.”

        Are you sure about that?

      • “The definition of an attractive male body is extremely narrow…”

        The definition of an attractive male body will vary from woman to woman. I know mass media doesn’t want you to believe this, but it’s the truth. Mass media looks for the lowest common denominator but certainly doesn’t speak for all tastes.

        “The only male body type that is considered hot and desirable is the tall, lean, broad, muscular type. That is the only body type that can be sexualized and objectified by women.”
        “There is a lot of evidence supporting this.”
        “Meanwhile some of the most sex deprived virgins are usually fat guys.”

        I can’t speak for all women any better than mass media can, but just among my peer group, each woman I know finds a variety of men attractive. Have you asked a broad range of women what physical qualities they’re attracted to?

        And while I can’t really prove it either, I personally think the notion that fat men get no lovin’ is more myth than fact. If you do have real, concrete evidence to back this up, I’d be fascinated to read it. But I’ve yet to see any reputable, well-conducted study that can conclusively prove that fat men are sex-deprived.

        I’m really not trying to be snarky here, I just want to know if you’re actually representing reality, or just repeating cultural tropes that you’ve bought into.

        • Joanna Schroeder says:

          The mass media refuses to acknowledge female desire at all! And yes, when it does, it only shows us lusting over Ryan Gosling or Fabio, which is total bullshit.

          • While that I true I think what leads to guys taking it to heart is not tha mass media is showing a limited range but when women themselves behave in ways that go along with it.

          • “And yes, when it does, it only shows us lusting over Ryan Gosling or Fabio, which is total bullshit.”

            I dont think its bullshit. Young girls all over the world do lust and go crazy for good looking guys, like Taylor Lautner, Ryan Gosling, One Direction, etc. Do you think its all media that make it look like that, while in reality young girls secretly masturbated to Louis CK doing stand up? lolz…. no offence, but the reason why good looking fit guys are so popular among girls and women are, well, because majority of women like it.

            Thats like saying the reason men like beautiful women with curves are all because of media.

            Biology have it play, sorry.

    • I check out fat nerdy guys in public all the time. Now that I’m married I don’t do more than look, but I wouldn’t mind being hit on by a hefty guy in a bar, either. My celebrity crushes tend to run to short, round, nerdy, and hairy (I’m looking at you Kevin Smith).

      But I’m a fat chick, so I suppose my opinion doesn’t count to you, seeing as how I’m all desperate and unfuckable or whatever.

  11. I love how this article appreciate one type of body without the need to bash the others. I have seen and hear many comments made by women about how they appreciate men with fat or skinny bodies, but usually ( most of the time ) they follow it with the disgusted comments about men who have athletic or muscular bodies ( eww six pack is weird and disgusting, eww i dont like muscle its gross, eww pecs eww , eww hairless men its disgusting etc ). As a man who have athletic bodies with six pack abs and naturally hairless body, its more common for me to hear disgusted comments made about my type of body than appreciation. You think its weird, isnt it? But its true . Its not that I really need for appreciation or I build my body just for women ( I love being athletic because I love sports and martial arts , not because I think women like athletic bodies). But sometimes its nice to hear compliments and appreciation ( AND NO, we don’t assume women who appreciate our body as a woman who want to sleep with us, NO ) Thats why I love this article, because she wrote about her appreciation for fat dudes without the need to make usual disgusted comment about muscle or hairless bodies.

    • I never heard a man say that before John. I’m really glad you shared your perspective. It’s making me do a mental roldex of the things I’ve said in past on this topic.

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