Marianne Kirby likes lots of kinds of bodies, and fat dudes are on that list.
This one night, I’m out with a couple of friends, and I have had some cider and cheered some people on about their karaoke business. And there’s this dude.
He’s what I’d consider a nice solid degree of dude fatness, which means he’d probably get labeled stocky. He probably had to wear husky pants as a kid.
I’m already monogamously married at this point, but I still like to look around. And so I look and this guy is right up my proverbial alley with the fatness and the blondness and the glasses and the beard. And the geek shirt. That’s an important element as well. (As well as an entry point to flirtatious conversation.)
I end up chatting with him because karaoke and cider combine to make me a very friendly person — and I’m already a pretty friendly person. But that’s really all I have planned because, you know, monogamously married. And Ed is just my type, too.
But my friend was kind of concerned because she didn’t know what was going on — all she saw was me flirting with a dude who looked a lot like my husband. In the car on the drive home, she tells me it’s because all she knew was that cider was on draft, and he was EXACTLY my type. She’s a total mom (which is an awesome thing), and it cracked me up.
There’s not enough cider in the world to make me cheat on my committed partner, but, you know, my friend was picking up on how very much I appreciate what the bearded blond men around town are putting down. It’s cool.
I think this story got away from me, but the point is this: Fat guys are hot!
I actually find a lot of different people aesthetically pleasing. I’m not, like, trying to create a hierarchy of hotness because that would just be a fool’s errand to compare apples and oranges and rambutans. Why compare when they are all so delicious? I mention fat dudes specifically because they often get left out of the appreciation posts — and many of them often feel left out of fat acceptance, too.
Fatness really does operate in a different way for a lot of men. Ed will talk about being fat (and medically, he totally is) but then he wears a medium in his underpants? I have no idea how that works. But I don’t have to understand it to appreciate it.
There are a lot of different kinds and degrees of fat. Maybe it’s because I am myself fat, but I really like bodies with mass. That’s not dissing thin and/or small bodies. Those bodies are also awesome. There’s just something awesome about heavy bodies that take up space, too.
I also appreciate the tactile qualities of fat dudes. Listen, muscle guys are pretty to look at, but they do not, in my experience, make for the best quality cuddling. That is reserved for fat guys. (Again, not dissing muscle bodies, because there are awesome things about that body type as well.) Fat dudes play on the little bit of “oh, it’s nice to feel protected” that exists in my nature. It’s totally hot.
I don’t know how the other xoJane folks feel, but I am turning this into a fat man appreciation blog.
Obviously people are more than their bodies. Personality and wit and intelligence and all of that is more important than a fat round ass when I am in the market for a partner. But fat people hear about inner beauty all damn day like it’s supposed to be some sort of consolation for not looking like what we’re supposed to look like. What about outer beauty? Because fat people have a lot of outer beauty.
I don’t mean beauty in the really narrowly defined culturally mandated way either. Because, frankly, sure, those folks are beautiful, but sometimes they are really boring just by virtue of being the cultural mandate. The hottest people I have ever seen aren’t trying to look like a cultural ideal. They just look like themselves — whatever that happens to look like.
Once you get out of the habit of expecting all bodies to look like the ones in magazines or the movies, it’s easier to see just how many hot people there are wandering around. And yeah, I really do get that some people have preferences. But it doesn’t make any sense to me that a preference for a certain type should somehow mean no one else gets to be considered attractive.
I just got back from Wiscon recently, where a (totally hot) friend of mine was talking about how there aren’t many clothes for fat men that are designed to show off various body parts. Like their thighs. As much as we talk about issues of clothing access for fat women, we don’t spend as much time talking about how fat men are just as constrained when it comes to self-expression — especially if they want to present in any way other than what’s available in the Big & Tall department.
That’s a literal crying shame. That wraps us up in fat hate but also in sexism — because sexism hurts everyone, including men. I appreciate sites like Chubstr and Chubarama (thanks for that link, Emily!) because they not only make fat men visible, but because they show us all kinds of fat men, presenting in lots of different ways. (Chubarama is not always guaranteed to be work safe, by the way.)
Other than the pic of Ed up at the top, these are all pictures from volunteers — Chubstr sent me a selection but so did a bunch of Twitter friends. I love all of these pictures. I just want to note that “hot fat men” is an even broader category than is represented here. It’s fat of varying sizes, it’s hot fat disabled dudes and hot fat trans dudes and hot fat men living all sorts of intersectional identities.
Who are your favorite hot fat dudes? What do you love about fat dudes and their bodies?
By Marianne
Originally appeared on xoJane
Also from our partners at xoJane.com:
I Quit My High-Powered Office Job and Found Happiness in a Hippie Community
10 Reasons You Don’t Have a Job You Love
I’m Jaded After Being Cheated On 3 Different Times
Lead Image Credit: @Chubstr and Chubstr.com
I seem to have a thing for skinny, sometimes short, Jewish guys with big noses. BUT, I have been attracted to a wide range of body types and one of my exes was heavy-weight with facial hair and I was incredibly attracted to him.
While I was growing up, I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I am a gay male. While this was happening, I slowly become aware of the fact that the kind of man I found attractive did not align with the mainstream and culturally accepted presentation of what a ‘attractive’ man looks like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to skinny and/or athletically lean men. I however, am not. Ryan Gosling? Thanks, but no thanks. Jared Leto? If he does it for you, great. I’ll pass. Louis CK? Seth Rogan? Andy Richter? Ahem. Yes… Read more »
To Ms. Kirby, KKZ, et al.: Thanks so much for letting overweight men know that there are women that are not only ok with their size, but actually find it appealing. Other ladies of a similiar mindset, let us know you’re out there! I’m a big guy myself. And yes, there are times when it’d be great to be thin-to-athletic. Clothing, seating, dating, employment, etc. For those men that are thin or athletic, if you are happy with your body type, good for you. The truth is, even if I lost every excess pound, I’d never be thin. My body… Read more »
As a grown woman, I’m not going to apologize for liking what I like, or being attractive to things that I find beautiful. PERIOD!!!! For decades now, men have been expressing this attraction philosophy to women, with very blunt honesty and force. If said women didn’t agree or sought further elaboration, we were told that we are “too emotional”, “too insecure”, “in denial”, and that “evolutionary research supports the natural preferences of attraction.” All one has to do is go on YouTube and view the paint-by-numbers perspectives of men who discuss being attracted, or rather NOT being attracted to _____,… Read more »
Hi KKZ, Lex etc As you can see from some of the comments, its is really surprising to men, if not shocking, to see that there are women who can find fat men’s bodies desirable, just as the other way round. I am not denying that you find fat men sexually/visually appealing. But I have reason to believe that women like you are extremely rare..much rarer than men who find fat women desirable. In fact I’d say there are more gay men who are attracted to fat men than straight women. And gay men are 10% of male population? So… Read more »
Thank you for addressing our comments in a level-headed way. I did not mean to diminish the experience of fat men who have struggled to find sexual partners who are attractive to them, though in re-reading my comments with that lens, I can see how they might have come across this way. I am a writer and usually try to choose my words carefully, but it seems my language still created a barrier. I can understand why some men, based on a life experience of being dismissed or unwanted, would have a very hard time believing that women like me… Read more »
I’ll be frank.
If I didn’t already know about attractions like this being expressed on Twitter I’d have a very hard time believing it because it’s simply well outside my lived experiences.
For the longest time I’ve heard about the existence of women that didn’t hold a guy’s fat against him (much less was attracted to him because he was far) but it wasn’t until VERY recently (like in the past few years) that I actually started seeing it.
Let me say as a fat guy it would be so nice if more folks that felt like this spoke up.
I don’t really believe that the majority of men objectify women like many of the feminist commenters say they do. However I will say that had this article been about men who love fat women we would have had numerous comments already saying it was “objectifying” and what a horrible thing that was. So once again we see how something sexual that women do is ok, but if a man did the same thing it would be bad. I don’t believe in it either way, and I’m glad fat guys are getting love from some women since their mostly ridiculed… Read more »
OOHHHHH! THIS IS WONDERFUL!!!!!! Ironically, with the exception of the fellow wearing the uniform and the other one jumping, i wouldn’t consider any of the others to be “fat”. Absolutely, chubby beaded guys are hot! The problem with society is that we’ve married health/wellness with sexual attractiveness. Work out and get healthy FOR YOURSELF! Not because you want a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or spouse, etc. And, there are several types of fit and health, just as there are of being sexy. The hottest man EVER is the one who may appear to be a little on the heavy side, but… Read more »
“Why does EVERY opinion shared on this site have to be so absolute?!?” It’s frustrating, right? Like I’m some kind of unicorn because I am genuinely attracted to chubby men. To be fair, women tend to make similar statements about men only wanting the best T&A, so it goes both ways. But it boggles me, to the point of amusement, that someone can read a whole article saying “I am sexually attracted to fat men!” and go “Uh, no you’re not, women aren’t capable of that.” Like… WTF? Do I have to show you my lady-boner to prove it? (On… Read more »
I know right? Also, if they just went to the source, where it was originally posted they would find even more people who are attracted to big guys with reasons listed!
I totally agree with the author – I could have written this myself. Her type is my type. I sometimes joke that I should have been born a gay male because I am so, so attracted to the gay Bear type. I remember going to my very first “college party” as a very green freshman. It was a frat party and most of the dudes there did nothing for me. Then a fat guy with long hair, a beard and a guitar walked in, and I was on him in a flash (well, not ON him, I was still kinda… Read more »
I just wrote an article about my experiences with encountering the gay male bear community and wondering if women like you–with similar tastes–even existed. Good to know that I wasn’t just musing in vain and that an answer was actually in the offing! Such an amazing website, the Good Men Project… it’s almost psychic that way.
Yep, we’re here, we’re just not very vocal about it I guess. Have you seen the documentary “Bear Nation”? It’s available on Netflix Instant Streaming. I’ve watched it twice now. Not only do I find it fascinating because of my general interest in sexuality of all stripes, but I admit it’s kinda like soft porn for me. SO many men whose bones I want to jump, talking about how sexy they find each other. Hubba hubba. o.~ (Disclaimer: I realize that comment sounds objectifying and would be torn apart were I a man making the same comment about lesbians. I… Read more »
I think fat is not an attractive body type in men. I don’t think women have the ability to lust after fat men’s bodies. Sure, fat men get to have sex and relationships, but its because they are chosen for their other qualities. In retrospect, some women can claim “hey, my bf/husband is fat and I’m attracted to him” Or “Some of my sex partners were fat, so you cant say I’m not attracted to fat men” But that’s different. Its not a like a woman would actively look for or pursue a fat man for sexual relationship because she… Read more »
Hmm I know some men who lust for fat women. BBW ( Big Beautiful Women ) or fat fetishism is popular in porn. So if men can lust after fat women, I think women can lust after fat men too.
I beg to disagree. All my life, since I was a teen and first developing an idea of what I was attracted to, I have been drawn to heavy, bearded men, and neutral-to-averse to muscular and skinny men. I can see why you’d think it’s uncommon for women to lust after fat men’s bodies, but I think it’s a bit of a stretch to claim women don’t even have the ability to do this. If I see a fat man out in public and know nothing about his personality, but feel attracted to him, how could that be anything but… Read more »
“This is a gross generalization and I’ll admit it’s unfair, but I tend to think of fit dudes as being kinda egotistical, vain, and untrustworthy, while I give fat guys a pass automatically. Diff’rent strokes, as they say.” I’m not a really muscular guys, but I have some friends in my gym who are a bodybuilders and power lifters. And its maybe surprise to all women, but believe me, those really muscular guys, beefy guys, and power lifter guys usually are really nice and kind. This old guy in my gym, an old and retired professional bodybuilders, is a really… Read more »
I will totally own that my reaction to muscular guys is shallow and based on stereotypes. I’m not claiming that fit dudes are all jerks, but that’s definitely how I react to them at first glance, and yeah, it’s totally unfair and mean. I’m not proud of it, just telling my personal take. I’m not sure where it comes from culturally, but here’s a guess… maybe it has to do with the Jock stereotype, which for me, started having meaning in high school. The guys who were on athletic teams, in particular football and basketball at my school, were typically… Read more »
“A guy who intentionally dresses (or undresses) to show off his muscles comes across as cocky and maybe overcompensating for some insecurity he has. So it’s not really the muscles themselves, but the attitude projected by many muscular men.” Now, what if I change this sentence to this : A girl who intentionally dresses (or undresses) to show off his cleavage and curves comes across as cocky and maybe overcompensating for some insecurity she has. So it’s not really the clothes themselves, but the attitude projected by many women who wear sexy clothes or dress which shows cleavage. See?? “a… Read more »
I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I even thought of the “sexy clothes” example myself, before I wrote my reply below. If I’m judging you as a stranger based on looks alone, well, looks alone is what I’ve got. All I can tell from how you look (or how you describe it) is that you must go to the gym a lot. Sure, there’s more to your personality, but the scenario presented above was “stranger hitting on me at a club” not “guy I’m trying to get to know & date.” And I’m just being honest, I’d… Read more »
OK, last comment and then I gotta get back to work, and I don’t mean to dominate the conversation here. But in the interest of full disclosure, I do have to say this too – I think I probably perceive really fit men as “out of my league,” and fat men as more on my level. So it might be that I project that feeling of disconnection or inequality with muscular men into a judgement of their character.. Not to say that’s any better than being sexist, but I think it’s one important facet of my gut reaction to muscular… Read more »
I just thought of a few useful examples from a gender-flipped standpoint. If you saw a woman with full-sleeve tattoos on both arms, blue streaks in her hair, and a few facial piercings, at face value you might make some assumptions about her character – she’s rebellious, maybe a little attention-seeking, a body modification enthusiast, and maybe a little “rough” for lack of a better word. She could be a perfect sweetheart but her outward presentation points would indicate otherwise. If you saw a woman stepping out of a pink Porsche Boxter carrying a teacup Chihuahua in a designer bag,… Read more »
Fair enough, no offense taken. In fact now I think because I have a fit athletic body, I can have more things to impress and surprise woman I approach. She would assume I’m a boring egoistical jerk who only go to gym all the time with low intelligence, and when I talk to her and tell her many things to her, maybe she would think ” Wow, he got body and brain! And hes really nice too! I will ask him out!!! ” Hahaha, forgive my fantasy.
John, I know I’ve negatively stereotyped jock/fit guy types myself for a lot of the same reasons KKZ mentioned. Before I moved, I belonged to the same gym for a number of years. It was rare to see the fit /jock type guys talking to more heavy set women or more just avearge women. In general, the fit guys tended to talk to the girls with the equally fit and amazing bodies. Or the class instructors. So while there was a man at my gym I crushed on for a long time, I never talked to him because based on… Read more »
Tim I agree. Most people may not want to acknowledge it, but the definition of an attractive male body is extremely narrow… much narrower than the definition of an attractive female body. A woman can be short, tall, skinny, petite, curvy, chubby, regular weight, big boob, small boobs and so on, and still be considered having a desirable body. Men find variety of women’s body types attractive and appealing and arousing. On the other hand, the only male body type that is considered hot and desirable is the tall, lean, broad muscular type. That is the only body type that… Read more »
Jay
“Meanwhile some of the most sex deprived virgins are usually fat guys.”
Are you sure about that?
“The definition of an attractive male body is extremely narrow…” The definition of an attractive male body will vary from woman to woman. I know mass media doesn’t want you to believe this, but it’s the truth. Mass media looks for the lowest common denominator but certainly doesn’t speak for all tastes. “The only male body type that is considered hot and desirable is the tall, lean, broad, muscular type. That is the only body type that can be sexualized and objectified by women.” “There is a lot of evidence supporting this.” “Meanwhile some of the most sex deprived virgins… Read more »
The mass media refuses to acknowledge female desire at all! And yes, when it does, it only shows us lusting over Ryan Gosling or Fabio, which is total bullshit.
While that I true I think what leads to guys taking it to heart is not tha mass media is showing a limited range but when women themselves behave in ways that go along with it.
“And yes, when it does, it only shows us lusting over Ryan Gosling or Fabio, which is total bullshit.” I dont think its bullshit. Young girls all over the world do lust and go crazy for good looking guys, like Taylor Lautner, Ryan Gosling, One Direction, etc. Do you think its all media that make it look like that, while in reality young girls secretly masturbated to Louis CK doing stand up? lolz…. no offence, but the reason why good looking fit guys are so popular among girls and women are, well, because majority of women like it. Thats like… Read more »
I check out fat nerdy guys in public all the time. Now that I’m married I don’t do more than look, but I wouldn’t mind being hit on by a hefty guy in a bar, either. My celebrity crushes tend to run to short, round, nerdy, and hairy (I’m looking at you Kevin Smith).
But I’m a fat chick, so I suppose my opinion doesn’t count to you, seeing as how I’m all desperate and unfuckable or whatever.
I love how this article appreciate one type of body without the need to bash the others. I have seen and hear many comments made by women about how they appreciate men with fat or skinny bodies, but usually ( most of the time ) they follow it with the disgusted comments about men who have athletic or muscular bodies ( eww six pack is weird and disgusting, eww i dont like muscle its gross, eww pecs eww , eww hairless men its disgusting etc ). As a man who have athletic bodies with six pack abs and naturally hairless… Read more »
I never heard a man say that before John. I’m really glad you shared your perspective. It’s making me do a mental roldex of the things I’ve said in past on this topic.