The Virgin’s Guide to Great Sex

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About Harris O'Malley

Harris O'Malley provides geek dating advice at his blog Paging Dr. NerdLove, as well as writing the occasional guest review for and appearing on the podcast The League of Extremely Ordinary Gentlemen. He can be found dispensing snark and advice on Facebook and Twitter (@DrNerdLove.)

Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor.


  1. “A male virgin is going to be a one-minute wonder”
    Indeed, especially with some medications making it even harder to cum. Took me over an hour the first time…Very frustrating!

    • I thinkis is also a myth that women necessarily want P in V intercourse to last for a long time. It’s true that women often need 15 or more minutes of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm but at the same time, more than 15 minutes of penetration starts to get tiring (at least for me personally). More than 30 minutes and it definitely may get painful. My boyfriend usually makes sure that I have an orgasm first (through manual or oral stimulation – he’s such a fine gentleman!) and after that, I’m not to concerned about how long he “lasts.”

      • I agree! I’m lucky that it doesn’t get painful, but I do sometimes get bored, which in itself is tiring. I don’t think of this as a problem either, so I’m not interested in how I can fix it. It’s just how it is, and once I get that “yeeeep, that’s enough, not interested any more” feeling then I don’t mind waiting for my partner to finish up. Sometimes I can go ages and still be enjoying it, other days I’m 10 minutes in and thinking “Just get on with it already!” Especially if my mental “To Do” list is overflowing. A lot of the time the non-penetrative stuff is more fun anyway and promotes a lot more communication. Guys shouldn’t worry so much about having to “last” for us ladies, just worry about whether we’re enjoying it as much as you are!

        • Problem I had was pills blocked orgasms, I would get to that point just before orgasm where you feel all ze fluids getting ready, you’d feel the blood flow increase bigtime, then nothing. So SO frustrating, my first experience of sex was like that and it was over an hour or more before I did orgasm. It made sex utterly frustrating and not enjoyable because it results in a lot of pain (“blueballs”) and personally the frustration was quite large.

          Once I got off them I could orgasm a lot faster, sometimes mere minutes, but I do last a while. I also learned where the points are in the pleasure to avoid orgasmif I need to extend it out for some reason.

          “My boyfriend usually makes sure that I have an orgasm first (through manual or oral stimulation – he’s such a fine gentleman!) and after that, I’m not to concerned about how long he “lasts.””
          Sounds great. I will definitely try that. Knowing that PIV doesn’t give all women an orgasm was very important to learn so I am definitely aware of that now.

  2. I’m still reading…but I had to pause of “fuck-fu” … HILARIOUS….back to reading.

  3. Well-written and insightful! Thanks for putting it in perspective. I wish I had read this *cough cough* years ago. Oh well. At least I’ll have a reference point for my son to use.

  4. FlyingKal says:

    Re. the “Sex changes everything” part:

    Is it just me, or doesn’t it always seem to be par for the course that the people who have (had) and/or can enjoy sex with a partner pretty much whenever they like, always seem to find it of less important than the people who can’t or haven’t…?

    I ror one think that this speaks more for the value of the human psyche of “always wanting what we can’t have”, than for the actual importance or value of having sex.

    Yes. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Why else do you think that people fret about not having it enough? Because they think they won’t like it?

    • I’ve always likened it to a cute little analogy that is used a lot at Sex is like food and those who never had it trying to imagine it is like a starving man trying to imagine what it must be like to eat a steak. Whereas people who have already had sex (and get it at least on a semi-regular basis), are like people who always seem to have enough money to eat out at the finest steak house and have eaten so much steak that they don’t see it as such a huge deal anymore.


  1. [...] Surprise! A virgin can actually be better prepared for great sex than many of his or her more precocious peers.  [...]

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