Jerry Mahoney isn’t buying into this whole “viral video marriage proposal” thing.
–
Cry all you want, everyone I know on Facebook. If I’m being honest with you (and I probably won’t be to your face), that Salt Lake City Home Depot gay marriage proposal video you all insist on posting makes me sick.
Oh, don’t get all huffy now. I agree. Hooray for gays publicly displaying their affection in a typically macho store in a typically religious town! It Gets Better! Huzzah!
You know which video I mean. Today it’s this one:
Next week it’ll be some other video in some other town with some other couple, maybe straight, maybe gay but definitely eyerollingly cutesy.
Seriously, I’m done with these wannabe viral flash mob marriage proposals.
DONE.
And here’s why…
1. I don’t find them romantic. Whatever happened to going out for a nice dinner, pulling out a ring, getting down on one knee and being done with it? Am I supposed to be charmed that you felt the need to make a public spectacle of yourself?
Personally, I’m grateful to have a boyfriend who would slaughter me if I tried anything like this on him, run screaming from the Home Depot, refuse to let me post the video online and probably never speak to me again. I love the guy.
2. You’re raising the bar to places it shouldn’t go. Not everyone has the time, talent or complete lack of shame required to pull something like this off. But thanks to showoffs like these, every lovesick Joe or Jane is going to expect their boyfriend to stage his proposal like a Broadway production number if he has any hope of wooing her. How long till one of these videos ends with the unsuspecting victim staring into their beloved’s sweaty, exhausted face and responding to “Will you marry me?” with “Let’s see how many hits this gets”?
3. I’ve got better things to do. In every stupid video like this, there’s always phalanx of loved ones backing the dude up. And for what? They’re not the ones getting married. But now every time one of my friends falls in love, I’m supposed to go buy a solid color tank top, per your wardrobe demands, then rehearse an elaborate dance routine at, according to the credits, at least two different locations? And you’re making me stand next to Mike? I hate Mike. He’s way too into this, and he has a crush on you, don’t you know that? This is killing him. Geez, now you’ve made me feel sorry for Mike.
How about you come up with a plan that involves you and your boyfriend, and the rest of us will show you how happy we are for you by dancing at your wedding and only at your wedding? I love you guys, but honestly, that’s all I’m signing up for. You want to propose to your boyfriend? Great, good luck with that. Send me a Save the Date card when the time comes.
4. People be shoppin’! I pity those poor customers at Home Depot who just wanted to buy some lumber, only to find the aisle blocked off for a third-rate knockoff of some 80s Paula Abdul video. Couldn’t you have done this in the parking lot, or better yet, your own back yard? As if people don’t hear enough lame excuses from their contractors about why their project was delayed. Now they have to listen to them babble on about some shitty midday rave going on at Home Depot. Yeah, right.
5. Just come on! The song is by Betty Who? Betty Who who? And it’s used with permission? Gee thanks, Betty Whoever-You-Are. That song nobody’s ever heard of is so important to these dudes that they name-check it at the beginning and end of their video. Turns out Betty Who is an up-and-coming Australian pop star who — dammit, I fell for the trap!
C’mon, who’s really behind this video? Didn’t you people learn anything when Jimmy Kimmel came through the door with a fire extinguisher and told us that twerk failer was really a professional stunt woman? Viral videos are as fake as reality TV. The joke’s on you! Soylent Green is made out of people! IT’S PEOPLE!!!!
Notwithstanding the foregoing, my heart goes out to the happy couple. Mazel Tov!
Originally appeared at MommyMan: Adventures of a Gay Superdad
We have different reasons for disliking this.
My love life is over permanently, after being divorced 2 years ago.
I’m glad other people are happy, I don’t like this stuff forced on me everywhere I turn.
@Trevor I can’t imagine how this video accomplishes what you say. I not saying that this couple is not in blissful rapture.I am saying that this video does not guarantee that love exists or will remain between these two people.It reflects a tradition of elaborate romantic gestures as evidence of love.Though I don’t know what love is,I do know enough to suggest what it isn’t. Unfortunately wedding culture,a subtext of romantic culture,has too often become a prideful competition of money, masquerading as love.It reminds me of the over the top sweet sixteen birthday parties.How much did the ring cost,how much… Read more »
I copy the best comment from your blog so everyone her can see it: “Seriously. There’s one other reason to that youtube proposals, and really most public proposals gross me out. You are supposed to be ASKING. ASKING implies that you are giving the other person the chance to say “no”, but in the world of viral video wedding proposals, you can’t say “no” without embarrassing, upsetting, and disappointing EVERYONE. You love this person enough to want to marry them? Totally awesome. But show them some respect by giving them the chance to bow out gracefully if they don’t totally… Read more »
I believe it all depends on the Who involved and the history of the relationship. There seem to be quite a few assumptions in your assessment, John, that may not be so valid, across the board. When a couple has been, essentially and for most intents and purposes for five, ten, fifteen years or more; perhaps that evolves the context of the proposal into a “finally” category from something less solid. Give these people a break, maybe? They are exuberant, exultant, excited and are embracing a privilege denied them for generations. Let ’em sing and dance their way into the… Read more »
This video made me feel icky because it seemed so slick and planned for the audience not for the guy being proposed to. If that’s their thing cool, but it feels weird for someone’s touching moment to be so set up and choreographed and videoed by professionals etc. LIke the main idea was to end up famous, not to have a beautiful moment with his beloved. I hope I’m wrong, it just felt wrong to me.
Holy curmudgeon Batman!
I love this video because it’s being blasted all around SLC and Utah and showing people that being gay isn’t “just about sex”. It’s showing a touching, loving marriage proposal and giving it a very wide audience.
Maybe lay off the cynic pills and give it another watch.
I think the key reason that THIS video makes me want to hurl is because it is clearly an ad for Home Depot and this singer. That’s the main reason anyone was made aware of this. Flash mobs are so 2011 (or even older) and marriage proposals, while apparently there is always a certain demand for them, rarely make this level of exposure without some sort of ulterior motive.
So I suppose if this couple got some sort of a deal out of it, good for them, but that doesn’t mean that we have to like being shilled to.
Oooh, ouch! 😉 That just sounds so BITTER… A part of me has a cautionary response to these Proposal Productions along the lines of the author’s gripe about the bar being raised so high, that there could be some sort of competition amongst Proposers for the best and biggest one; but overall, I don’t see that as anything new amongst people…especially ‘Merkins, a significant proportion of which are always seeking to outdo. Whatever. The first Produced Proposal Video i ever encountered was for a straight couple in Oregon and it was, if you’ll pardon the expression, fabulous. As to The… Read more »
Sure, if this makes people tear up and appreciate love, life and the gays, then it’s ultimately a good thing. But isn’t it also nice to know we live in a time when we can be cynical about gay marriage proposal viral videos? That’s progress.
I do so love both of you, for the record.