They’ve dated for 8 months but his plate is full. DearJames helps her out.
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DearJames
My friend, whom I love dearly, appears to be in a very stuck pattern. We have dated for 8 months and have a true bond and friendship. He, however, is very uncertain about the future. His career is taking a nosedive. He’s still feeling the burn of a prior relationship. His parents are aging and he’s taking on a lot of responsibility. He wanted to purchase a home, but is still renting. He says he doesn’t know what he wants.
Any feelings about where he’s going? Can he move on and heal? I, of course, wish to have a future with him. However, he has a lot of stuff to work through. Do you see him becoming free to move?
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The old idioms “Timing is everything”, “The handwriting’s on the wall” or “It’s time to face the music” are all apropos for that which you describe. The best and most coveted thing you have with one another is your true bond and friendship. Those are both priceless and timeless.
Often times, when one is at there worst: they unknowingly seek out comfort and solace. The unfortunate part of that equation, however, is that they are also still very much in denial of all that they must face.
It’s not that they don’t desire intimacy, love and romance. It’s simply they’re not in the place to commit to it.
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Thus your conundrum: Do you stay or do you wait? Or do you champion the benefits of friendship and transition, so as to avoid the inevitable?
-The inevitable space he needs in order to sort through all that faces him: before adding new responsibilities to his journey.
-The inevitable desire to free his soul: so as to discover himself again: before committing to love another.
-The inevitable chance that presents itself when one is faced with the opportunity of actually being what they always dreamed they could be: with the added bonus of being paid for it.
-The inevitable gift of caring for those who loved and cared for you.
-The inevitable necessity: of time.
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No matter your decision: make it with an open heart, mind and eyes. For all is before you in the present moment: and the present moment is all that is guaranteed you.
Allow time, patience and unconditional love: to serve as your guides. Knowing that wherever they lead you: it was the journey: and not the destination: that mattered most.
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Photo: Getty Images
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The person who can stay by your side when everything else is in tumult is a rare diamond.
The people who bail in the face of difficulties are a dime a dozen.
I see no indication from her letter that he is an undue burden on her.
There needs to be a good woman project
Indeed he is not an undue burden on her Shaun. And rightfully so she is a wonderful woman. The conundrum is whether or not he is ready, willing or able for all that she desires, when he has so much he needs to deal with first? You’re right about honoring and acknowledging the women that will stand by your side as opposed to fleeing at the first challenge. In return though, he must be honest, both with himself and others as to whether his intentions are honorable and whether his timeframe is ever-elusive or something that can be worked through… Read more »