It turns out that women only think they want men with wealth. That’s not how it played out in real life.
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Guys – if you’re not wealthy, are you doomed to be single forever?
Nope.
While there are plenty of studies that correlate a man’s romantic success with his resources, there’s more to it than that. In fact, the old (and often annoying) adage to ‘just be yourself’ is (surprisingly) true.
So, if you don’t need wealth, what do you need?
Commonalities: As in, having things in common with your potential date.
The students’ ideal preferences that were assessed before the speed-dating event, didn’t actually predict real life dating matches.
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That’s the real key to success. While that isn’t really new advice, it’s still great news because a lot of guys have a limiting belief that they’re not a catch because they don’t make enough money (or they’re not tall enough, or not in-shape enough, or they don’t have a full head of hair, etc. etc.).
So, let’s look at the research behind this ‘just be yourself’ stance and how you can apply it to your online dating profile.
Ideal VS Real
In a study conducted by Paul W. Eastwick and Eli J. Finkel of Northwestern University, they set-up speed dating events with college kids to test if we (as in people in general) really know what we want.
Before each speed-dating event, the attendants filled out a questionnaire to rate the attributes that were important to them. Then after the speed dating, the researchers followed up with the students to see if there were any month-long love connections.
So what did they find?
Well, the pre-speed dating results did back up the theory that men (more than women) wanted someone attractive, while the women (more than men) wanted someone who earned (or had the potential to earn) a good amount.
Nothing very shocking there.
Especially in the context of evolutionary psychology, which centers around the notion that back in the (early homo- sapiens) day, males competed for fit and attractive females by having the resources to take care of said female and their offspring.
This is big…
The students’ ideal preferences that were assessed before the speed-dating event, didn’t actually predict real life dating matches. So in short, what we think we want in a partner… doesn’t really translate in the real world.
That means any perceived shortcomings or limiting beliefs we tell ourselves isn’t rooted in reality.
Instead, we need to embrace ourselves and highlight our quirks and everything that makes us unique.
Same – Same
According to the book “Falling in Love: Why We Choose The Lovers We Choose” by Ayala Malach Pines, research shows that attraction and relationship satisfaction boils down to similarities. Sorry if you believe that ‘opposites attract’. You can join ‘the earth is flat’ and other retired failed theories.
When another person shares our interests and values, they actually validate our own interests and values, which in turn gives us that warm and fuzzy feeling of being right.
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(Well… There are a few exceptions to opposites being compatible. From research, it appears that early birds and night owls pair well together, as do those who get lost easily and those with a good sense of direction.)
Now, not to go too self-help on you, but in Dale Carnegie’s classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People” (one of the seven books to help you attract more women), Carnegie wrote
“The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”
Why? Why do our similarities attract others? Pines theorizes…
When another person shares our interests and values, they actually validate our own interests and values, which in turn gives us that warm and fuzzy feeling of being right.
Besides a boost to our ego, people who share our interests also feel – familiar. And anything that is familiar and comfortable is viewed as more enjoyable than the unfamiliar (like having a similar username).
Lastly, when we learn that someone is like us, we assume they also like us, and when someone likes us, we tend to like them back.
In Robert Cialdini’s “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”, Cialdini lists ‘liking’ as one of six pillars of influence.
“We like people who are similar to us. This fact seems to hold true whether the similarity is in the area of opinions, personality traits, background, or life-style.”
Dating Profile
In this great article by Emma Pierson, she shows how women on eHarmony prefer men who are not just similar in the basics like age, education and income, but in other areas as well like creativity and even the number of photos included in a profile.
The genetics site 23andme.com conducted a data analysis on married couples for Valentine’s Day. They found:
“Athletes tended to pair with other athletes, downhill skiers with downhill skiers, hikers with hikers and weightlifters with weightlifters. We also found that people who were punctual paired with others who were on time, and that vegetarians tended get together with other non-carnivores.”
The best way to meet someone? Be yourself.
So – what does all this prove? Well, if you want to meet women online (even in tough online dating cities) – be yourself. Proudly.
In other words, include your weird interests (within reason) and you’ll come across as much more real and genuine.
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Many times we want to put our best foot forward and downplay our quirks and odd interests till we get to know someone. All this research is showing that you should be who you are, not who you think someone will like. Show what makes you – you.
In other words, include your weird interests (within reason) and you’ll come across as much more real and genuine. Which is another way of saying: “Be more confident.”
And confidence is attractive no matter who you are. Do that and you will boost your love life
As always, if you enjoyed this content, please share it on your Facebook page or by hitting one of the social buttons below.
If you’d like to improve your dating profile description and attract women by verifying your actual background, check out how to get Date Certified and date more often.
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Previously published by Dateafied
Photo: Getty Images
A man’s wealth can be found in his self-confidence, a woman’s beauty in her depth. We guys have to realize that, unless we are into sport sex, it is the good women, and exclusively the good women that we should be perusing. I’ve had women chose me over guys that had more then I, because that particular man had nothing beyond his means. These women had worth because they knew what was important to their happiness. I’ve been passed by for such men also, but I harbor no animosity, no sense of loss as a result because I realized that… Read more »
Seems like a bunch of BS to me. I can’t think of a time in my life where I was living it more for myself, being myself, and confidently, and unashamedly representing myself on my own terms… also, I’ve never had LESS interest from women than right now. IMO, you’ve got to be the exact generic ham women expect to be worthy of even a first glance.
Been reading this study for a bit, and I have to say…there are a number of places where the numbers, and observations of the researchers, seem to indicate that, for women, physical attractiveness in a man can overcome their stated interest in earning potential.
So, in other words, yeah. If you’re good looking, it matters more than success in other areas. Surprise!
So to become more datable, just be yourself.*
* Provided that you’re hot.
Anthony and Jonathan there are two things that bothered me by both your comments: 1. Because hotness doesn’t matter to men? You guys say that stuff like you’re not looking for a ‘hot’ woman yourself. I would argue that being ‘hot’ by typical social standards was way more important to men in women then it is to women in men. Men often over look any other factor as long as the woman is young and hot. Women are more opening to dating older men where I’ve seen online profiles where a man didn’t even want to date a woman his… Read more »