How Do I Get My Girlfriend to Trim it Up… Down There?

A guy wonders if he can be a “good man” and still request that his girlfriend keep herself a bit more groomed.

Originally appeared at She Said He Said

Dear Sexes: Is there any possible way to be a good man and ask your new girlfriend to think about shaving (or at least trimming) her pussy? And this would not be for my own visual/ physical pleasure, it would be with the belief that she would like it better, too (at least during sex), if she were to only try it. That it would allow me to pleasure her better, her to feel me better, and us to connect better. I say this not only from my experience, but from the words of countless women I know who now shave.

She Said: Not everyone agrees that shaving/trimming actually makes sex better… But most people would be willing to try it. And I’d definitely suggest starting with trimming, and then move on to shaving bare only if she feels comfortable with it.

I think the best way to approach this would be to present to her that she is fantastic, and erotic, and amazing exactly how she is, but that you think trimming down her pubic hair would be really sexy. Tell her how sexy her body is, that you want to be able to see it better and touch it better.

We recently covered this exact same subject – but in the reverse! You definitely have to go read what we suggested to the girlfriend who was wondering how to get her boyfriend to trim it up… But the main advice I gave her works here, too:

Go buy the waterproof razor/trimmer and trim yourself, first, while in the shower with her. Then offer to trim her up… But do NOT be pushy about this! Be sexy and back off the moment she shows any reticence.

And here’s the silly commercial for that waterproof trimmer again… Just because it makes me laugh every time!


He Said: The answer is yes. It IS possible to be a good man, AND ask your girlfriend to shave/trim her pubic hair. However, there’s a few things to consider to maximize your chance of success. For starters, I wouldn’t begin with the word pussy, when making such a request (aren’t we really talking about pubic hair here?). Call me a prude, but pussy isn’t the most universally comforting word you could use when approaching this sensitive subject. And, as this is a new relationship, you don’t want to turn her off from the start – sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you choose to say it.

Also, since you don’t have a vagina, don’t assume that the “countless” women you know who love being shaved, account for all women. You might love it bare, and your female friends may too, but that doesn’t guarantee your current girlfriend will. As She Said mentioned, the best approach here is a flattering (without being too pushy) approach. The main focus is to get your girlfriend to want to try shaving her pubic hair. It’s always good to try new things, and it’s exciting to try different adventures with your partner. Propose your idea as a way to make new memories/experiences together, or even something as simple as an attempt at better sex.  Who doesn’t like to have better sex?

And remember, whatever you ask your girlfriend to do with her body, you should be open to doing with yours as well. Keep trim Brother, keep trim! When you’re done watching the video that She Said suggested, go here for a tutorial.

Knowledge is power, and power (in the right hands) is sexy!

Got a question for Eli and Josie? Ask it here
Image of green bush courtesy of Shutterstock
About She Said He Said

Eli and Josie, friends since college, realized how lucky they were to have one another—an honest friend of the opposite sex who tells it like it is. They wanted to share that with the world and so was born.


  1. Guys want shaved and smooth vulvas/ vaginas.if you dont care what a guy wants then he will dump you.this is how guys are….deal with it.complaining does no good

  2. wellokaythen says:

    It would be a shame to miss out on a rite of passage, though: the first time you go off to class or to work with a pubic hair stuck in your throat. It reminds you of a job well done, the price of doing a little sumpn-sumpn. (How do you spell that?) A little souvenir you can laugh about later.

    Kids today, missing out on some of the good stuff….

  3. It’s really not a problem either way with me. I didn’t mind my wife either smooth or hairy. I have found though that I like the smoothness of shaving. I leave just a little at the base. Everything is shaved down there up to my chest. I also shave my back and other places around the body. To make thing look even I trim all my body hair short at least once a month. It feels great for me.

  4. Good Men, you part the hair down the middle on the VULVA to get to the delicious & juicy pink parts. **There is no hair in a vagina.**
    **The vagina is the inside part. The vulva is the outside.**

    I’ve trimmed, shaved, brazillianed. I’ve even dyed my (top) pubes hot pink for a party where I knew I’d be naked and hot tubing. But my skin is so soft and sensitive, it really hates being shaved or waxed. Ingrown hairs, red bumps. “No, I don’t have a disease, I have razor or waxing burn & bumps from trying to please [whatever/whomever].” Sorry, done with that. The most amazing thing happened when I stopped shaving my pubes and pits. I started having less “bad” body odor, and started getting comments about how good I smelled from my lovers. I had one who seemed to get high from huffing my armpit. “Don’t shower before I come over!” he’d exclaim. Go ahead, huff away! My pheromones are your viagra & thank you for relishing me as I am. Who knew?! Seriously, your hair has a purpose. It wicks away moisture from the body to evaporate in those places that are not so easily aerated. Trapped moisture is a place for bacteria to grow and that contributes to making you stinky. I grew out my armpit hair and now I can go a whole day after a shower before I even start to notice any odor…even if I forget to use my crystal deodorant. If you feel like you have too much bush you can trim it down and it will still do the job. I am lucky. I am of scandinavian descent so I don’t have much body hair, and what I do have is quite fine, downy, soft. I like my pubes. I like my armpit hair—they’re like a flash of my groin. I don’t trim the pubes. The pits get a little trim. Any time you cut the hair shaft you get a sharp edge at the end of the hair. If it’s trimmed to close or short on the labia it can prick your prick, or it pokes through your panties.

    If anyone has a lot of bush, the polite thing to do is brush & condition your bush before a date. That way anything loose is brushed/washed off, and you don’t have to stop oral sex over and over to pull a pube out of your mouth.

    I’m 40. I look 28 or so. I like being a mature woman. Women have hair. I don’t date anyone anymore who is grossed out by any part of me, including demanding that I shave my pubes off (to look like a little girl.) Once, I started dating someone and I mentioned my period and cramps that were bothering me that day. “I’m sorry I don’t feel like playing today. It’s arts and crafts days in panty land right now…” and he shut me down saying “I don’t want to hear that, that’s disgusting. Don’t talk about your period.” I dumped his ass that day. There’s some basic courtesy grooming that can be negotiated, but it’s usually me telling men, “damn, did you forget about your toenails, or what?”. If you have pubic hair growing down your whole penis, you might want to trim that a little. I won’t demand you wax off your unibrow…it makes you interesting. Crazy eyebrows are fun. & men, if you insist that your woman must get a brazillian because you’re convinced it will enhance their pleasure (uhm, not really. foreplay enhances pleasure. that different sensation of bare skin wares off after a bit) you should first go get all your pubic hair ripped off your scrotum & the shaft of your penis first to see what it feels like. .

  5. I like the female hair, anywhere. If I’m ever single again I’m looking for my next girlfriend at a hippie music festival.

    There is a generational component, squeamish people. Nobody, male or female, did much about body hair when I was growing up (I’m in my mid-40s). The term “metrosexual” didn’t exist. Sophia Loren starred in plenty of movies with visibly furry pits – she probably didn’t shave anything. Just shows that sexiness and hirsuteness go hand in hand.

  6. Hank Vandenburgh says:

    I can’t help but think that shaving is too visual. Like porn. There might even be a correlation between shaving and food or costuming in bed. Yech. Watching porn occasionally has convinced me that high heels only look good on someone with clothes on.

    NB: For those above who think the whole area is “vagina,” it’s “vuilva.”

  7. I love how militant the pro-pubic hair people are here comparing people who like no hair to pedophiles and the like. Pubic hair would be a total deal breaker for me. I don’t do body hair. I find is incredibly gross. Not only on other people but on myself. Luckily, I have very little body hair to begin with, and I would shave my legs if it were acceptable for men to do so.

    • What about the hair on your head, is that gross too? 🙂

      Everyone is entitled to preferences, of course! But if you are too rigid, you might miss out on some amazing opportunities. That goes for women as well as men. Just sayin’

      • Personally, I would gladly trade every hair on my body below my eyes if it meant I could keep the hair above them.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      Gross! LMAO!!!

  8. Peter Houlihan says:

    I’m fine with hair, or lack of hair, trimmed hair is also good, in fact the only thing I don’t like are those landing strip/line things, they’re just unpleasant.

    I’d be willing to trim for someone, but not shave, same goes for my face, my skin just doesn’t like regular shaving.

  9. John Anderson says:

    It’s been my experience that women are fairly sensitive about that area. When they’re younger you can’t orally pleasure her because she embarrassed, when they get older their not as embarrassed. I’d say that it depends on where you are in the relationship. If you’re having regular mutual sex or doing the impossible and just pleasuring her orally in which case I humbly bow before the man (I’ve had women “take care” of me, but have never given oral outside of mutual sex), you have a chance, otherwise, don’t go there if you ever want to go there again.

    I like shaved the best probably because I believe in finishing her business before I finish mine. It usually involves getting up close and personal. Shaved is just better for me, but I tried it for awhile and it itched the first couple times so I stopped. I would do it again if she really wanted it that way. It could work and if you’re in a serious relationship, you should be able to talk about what you want. Don’t pressure her and tell her how beautiful it looks and that you want to see it better. It feels better or you just want to try something new.

    If she knows you watch porn it could go sideways as she might think you’re comparing her to the actresses/models. I’d prepare a plan B with flowers and candy.

    • He probably is. Alot of men see stuff in porn then go, “wow I totally want to do that. Now how do I get my partner to do?” With little thought to what she may want. And the flowers and candy thing seems like a manipulation if you ask me. He’s not giving her that stuff because he really wants to. He’s trying to ply her.

  10. Good God. Do you still only eat pb&j and mac and cheese, too?

    If a man asked me to do that, I’d show him the door The answer is no. You want to get laid, deal with it. Ain’t no blades or hot wax going near that area.

    In 27 years of happy sex-having I have never had a man ask me to shave, trim, etc. Ever. Not once. Here’s why: Grown men and seriously hetero young men like hair. A lot, a lot, a lot. They like all the smells and textures involved. Also, they’re getting laid. I have also never had a man get squeamish about pussy-eating with lots of public hair around (and in my case, I mean lots). Quite the contrary.

    Squeamish men: Here is what you do. When you go down on a woman who’s got a bush and is not looking like a nine-year-old down there, you use your hands. You pull the hair out of the way and hold it down. If some escapes and tickles your nose, please man up. Consider that it might be a sausage in your mouth instead and that she’s likely going to have your hair not only in her mouth, but on her sheets, her bathroom floor, etc. and will have to clean it up. Men shed copiously. She will also likely have to deal with your messing up the weight balance in her bed, your farts, your snoring, your BO, etc. All things that go with having an adult’s body. And if you smoke or are in poor physical condition, please, how are you even asking these questions?

    Also, consider please that someday, when you are a grownup, you will likely watch *another person* come out of that snatch. The whole scene will be full of blood and mucus and membranes and doctors’ gloves and the whole deal. If your babymama’s the unlucky 1 in …well, almost 3, now, you’ll have the wonderful experience of watching *her abdomen cut open* and seeing her insides as the doctors lift your child out of her. Afterwards, you’ll be there while the docs are stitching up either the incision or the rip in her vagina from where the baby’s head or shoulder hurt her, and when she’s passing blood clots the size of Jello cubes and etc. And you know what? You’ll fuck her afterwards, too. After having seen all that. And let me tell you about the hemorrhoids women get during pregnancy. You’ll still want to give it to her up the ass.

    In other words: Do some growing up, please. Cultivate a taste for these physical realities. If what you want is a smooth sex toy, buy a smooth sex toy. Don’t pressure a woman into trying to make herself into one for you.

    I wouldn’t be all that excited about sleeping with a guy who trimmed his pubes, to be honest. The tips of hairs are much finer than the shafts, and when you cut them, you make the surface rougher, more like a scrub brush. I’d also wonder what kind of weird life this guy had that he was that deeply engaged with personal grooming. Regularly bathed, brushed, flossed, and in good physical shape with semiannual trips to the dentist is fine.

    • Terence Manuel says:


      Now that is what I am talking about!!!!

      These cheese dick men need to get lost. No wonder women think so little of men. These punk a**es are making all of us look bad.

      Men like getting laid, period. I know I do. I don’t give a rats ass if it is hairy, trimmed, or bare. While I don’t like bare pussies, I have never passed on a woman who was bare. Nor did I say anything negative about it. That’s the way she like it.

      I love you choice of the word ‘squeamish.’ So fitting.

  11. For the people who are pro-pubic hair, what kinda age frame are you all from? I’m 26 and can honestly say I can’t recall the last girl my age who had anything more then neatly trimmed pubic hair when I was lucky enough to be in that region. I think it would almost put me off my game a little bit, but all said and done I keep myself well trimmed at the same time so I practice what I preach so to say.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      I am 49. I like a trimmed pussy. Anything but bare. Bare is a huge turn off.

    • I’m 45 and no one I knew trimmed anything, much less shaved, when I was in my 20’s. No one seemed to care. I was never with a guy during that time who seemed at all turned off by pubic hair. No one ever mentioned it, acted grossed out or bothered in the slightest. I never even heard of women waxing or waxing until about 10 years ago, and all of a sudden (some) guys act like normal pubic hair is not just gross but frightening! Attitudes really seemed to change suddenly.

      • Valter Viglietti says:

        @Sarah: Yeah, but keep in mind that, just 2-3 centuries ago, nobody washed. 😯
        So, yes, costumes and habits do change (sometimes fast).

        For example, when did women start to feel the need to shave their armpits?
        I think it’s a pretty modern standard, yet now women consider it mandatory.

        • I’ve heard that underarm shaving became popular in the US in the 1920’s due to the flapper clothing styles. Don’t know if thats true

          Please don’t compared unshaved pubic hair to not bathing or washing. Even back in ancient times, i.e. the 1980’s, we showered daily. 🙂

        • Shaved underarms is a totally different matter, because it drastically reduces B.O. If guys shaved there, they would probably lose the stereotype of being the stinkier gender.

      • Sarah, I’m glad you shared your experience about what it was like when you were in your 20s compared to now. 20 years isn’t a lot of time but things do change quickly. I like to keep myself trimmed and shave sometimes but it’s the idea that pubic hair is gross that makes me sad. If I let it grow out to a full bush, I’d still want a guy to be excited to be with me. For one thing, pubic hair is one sign of physical maturity. For another, I am more then just a shaved or hairy vagina! You aren’t just having sex with that one part of my body. You are having sex with me, as a person. When there is too much focus on the maintence, over the sex, it really takes away from something. I want to be with a guy that’s jsut excited to be with me. Not for one that is looking to give me grooming tips because I may not be up to fashion with what he is use to seeing in the media.

        I remember one time posting on a board where a young woman of 20 was asking for help about her breasts. Her problem was that even at 20, her breasts where saggy. Well breasts are just fat after all and even young women can have some sag. Alot of the young guys came in, guns blazing about how she could/should get that fixed. They were amazed that a 20 year old woman could have some sag. I think they were all so use to seeing perfectly round high breasts from alot of their media, they didn’t even understand how a 20 year old could have saggy breasts. To me, the whole shaving thing is much the same thing. HIghly media influenced toward men and women alike. It’s one thing if you want to shave or not on your own. It’s another if we are getting these ideas because of media influence. Unfortunetly, I am inclined to believe it’s media influenced and I even see in myself how I can be affected by the media.

    • Peter Houlihan says:

      @Ads: I’m 27, and nearly all the women I’ve known have gone bare. I’m ok with their decision, it’s an interesting expression of beauty, but I think it’s a shame that women don’t seem to feel they *can* sport a bush if they want to.

    • speakeasy says:

      I am 42 and never had an issue when I was younger. But since returning to dating I have discovered it is more of an issue . I think there is a huge link to porn. Porn has become more accessible and acceptable, it is rare to see a porn star with pubic hair. I have started to feel like before I even think about getting naked I need to ask how they feel about oral sex and pubic hair. It seems so rediculous but it feels equally as important as asking if someone wants kids .

      And yes Valter that guy was a total douche, I dumped him.

  12. speakeasy says:

    I am happy to see there are still men in this world still in support of women with pubic hair. The whole trend in hair removal is incredibly frustrating. I don’t mind trimming but anything else is out of the question . I had a boyfriend that wanted me to wax it yet didn’t want to pay the $75 every three weeks that it would of required. I have sensitive skin so shaving is irritating. If you don’t like pubic hair on a pussy then find one that is hairless from the start, most girls who want it hairless have it hairless all the time.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      Ditto! This man is 100% with you on this point. I love some pubic hair.

      If you don’t like pubic hair on a pussy then find one that is hairless from the start, most girls who want it “hairless have it hairless all the time.”

      Again, the way to go.

      Has anyone tried to purchase a male shaving razor in the food store or drug store recently? They are now in the pharmacy behind the counter! Also, the prices has risen substantially. The store manager at a local Walgren’s told me theft is high. Btw, women prefer the mens shaving razors.

      This whole “trend” has its origins in pornography. There are also elements of pedophilia with some men too.

      • The whole “trend” has it’s origins before that. Prostitutes in ancient Egypt were required to shave their pubic hair for sanitary reasons as well as to show that they were prostitutes. It has been in and out of fashion since then. The current craze actually started in the 1980s, when bathing suits started getting smaller…and smaller…and smaller…while porn may have had an influence, it’s not necessarily the central cause.

        • Trimmed bush was becoming common in the 1970’s……Shaved tail was the “new thing” again in the 80’s…… I remember a girl getting laughed out of a pool for “overgrowth” in about ’72….the spanish moss look did’nt work with a bikini.

    • Valter Viglietti says:

      @Speakeasy: “I had a boyfriend that wanted me to wax it yet didn’t want to pay the $75 every three weeks that it would of required.”

      That guy was a total douche. 😮
      I hope you got rid of him quickly. 😉

      Personally I like trimmed and neat, but I would never force such thing on my partner, if she didn’t like it.
      I mean, it’s such a minutia!

      • trey1963 says:

        So if a women likes a man clean shaven it’s her job to pay for the nessary supplies? HUH

        Sounds a bit too entitled to me.

        • Amanda W says:

          I think it’s fair that if one partner wants the other waxed, then that partner should pay. Why pay for something you don’t want?

          • speakeasy says:

            I’m not suggesting a man pay for the $24 worth of razors that I buy a month to shave my legs, as it is my choice to shave my legs. But if a man is suggesting that I wax my entire va-j-j for his pleasure then he will need to pay for it since 1. it is not in the budget 2. it is his preference not mine.

            The only entitlement I see in all this is expecting a women to do full hair removal cause its better for him. It’s better for me if I have an orgasm each time before sex but I don’t expect it nor would it be a deal breaker .

            • trey1963 says:

              But what if trimmed /shaved / waxed is the entrance price for him to go down on you? He should also pay for the privilege of giving you pleasure?

  13. misty christy says:

    if you have trouble asking for something in the bedroom, THAT is an issue right there. why not just be honest and say something like, “i think it would be really sexy if you were shaved”. bare floor is a lot to maintain, but landing strip is do-able. the right razor is super important. and no offense to anyone, but its gross to not at least trim the bush, man or woman. you can blame it on porn, but pretty is sexy. if it looks good, we just want more of it more often.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It is also transitory.

      If a bald kitty is sexy to you, it might be ugly to someone else.

      Here is what is weird. Most women say most men are sub par lovers. If this is correct, then why go through all this nonsense to please a sub par lover? Just asking.

      Again, more perverted sexuality in America.

      • It’s not just America. I live in England and I too find that the majority of men expect to see me hairless and naked as a child when unclothed, to the point that they show surprise and not a little disgust to find me in a woman’s natural state. I am considering handing out cards with warnings on them so these men can get on with fleeing in terror before I’ve wasted four or five dates on them.

        • Terence Manuel says:

          LOL!!! Great idea.

          • I’ve actually rejected sex that I’ve wanted–even craved–because I was embarrassed that I hadn’t shaved/waxed/naired recently enough. Not that I wasn’t horny or attracted to the man, but that I had stubble. I’ve also apologized pre-sex for it instead of enjoying the moment. It’s sad when you think about it.

            • Valter Viglietti says:

              @Aya: I think that any smart dude, when a lady is taking her underwear off, should only be grateful 🙂 (whatever her condition “down there” is).
              Thus, it’s a kind of “natural selection”: only the dumb guys would make a fuss out of it. 😉

              OTOH, I heard about women grossing out about not circumcised, or hairy, men…
              so it goes both ways.

              Personally, I think those people have become excessively finicky.
              If they obsess over such minutia, they’d better be left alone.

      • trey1963 says:

        Most women are sub-par lovers also…..Something that is rarely spoken of. GGG women are not that common

      • misty christy says:

        well i’ve never had any complaints 🙂 and i’ve never had any either. very fortunate i suppose. if i thought my lover wasn’t good, i guess i would try and inspire him. honestly, i can’t imagine him not being good. sex is what we’re built for, right??

  14. JoAnne Dietrich says:

    Why aren’t men expected to shave their genitals? There are plenty of hairy men. Women are expected to shave their legs and armpits. They are also expected to hot wax their eyebrows. Isn’t that enough? Hot waxing your genitals is too much. Shaving the bikini line is o.k. Trimming is also acceptable. Totally bald. No!

    • Because women are stuck with higher standards of maintance and beauty then men are. And no, it’s never enough. Not only do we got to shave. We got to worry about our private parts being actual colors instead of perfectly creamy white (hello anal bleaching) and if our labia’s stick out too far. Basically, the female body is gross and dirty and needs all kinds of things done to it to make it acceptable enough to fuck. Of course, the media tells us, “this makes you sexy so it’s a positive thing.” How positive is it that all this stuff has to go on before you can actually have sex? I don’t know.

      To the letter writer, If you are going to ask her to shave, please don’t do the patronizing “buttering up” thing where you tell her how perfect she is the way she is BUT……..

      Ask her, if she’d like to see you shaved. (Yes, be willing to shave if you are going to ask her to shave.) Get a discussion going about the subject to see how she feels about it. She might like it, she might not. If you truly think she is good the way she is, the answer isn’t going to matter overly much either way.

      But please don’t patronize her. Don’t tell her how beautiful you think she would feel because of it or how perfect she is the way she is then suggest she do something to manipulate herself into something else. No one likes to be told how they think they should feel about something or that they are great but that they should change this.

      • Terence Manuel says:


        “Because women are stuck with higher standards of maintance and beauty then men are. And no, it’s never enough. Not only do we got to shave. We got to worry about our private parts being actual colors instead of perfectly creamy white (hello anal bleaching) and if our labia’s stick out too far. Basically, the female body is gross and dirty and needs all kinds of things done to it to make it acceptable enough to fuck. Of course, the media tells us, “this makes you sexy so it’s a positive thing.” How positive is it that all this stuff has to go on before you can actually have sex? I don’t know.”

        Sad but so true Erin.

        What I do not understand Erin is the ‘why?’ Why do you women comply with this s**t? You hold the power, sexually. If only you would assert yourselves and say NO. Like he isn’t going to screw you? The man would still have sex with you. Trust me.

        What is equally baffling is if so many men are lousy lovers anyway, why go through all this for nothing? I just don’t get women on this…..I here women complain ad nauseum about how terrible most men are in bed. But, still you’re willing to put yourselves through all this crap for these lame men.

        I have a female friend who told me about a guy she met once who wanted anal sex. She said to him, “OK. I will put on a strap on and do you, then you can do me!” LOL! Suffice it to say, the matter never came up again according to my friend.

        Women should tells some of these jackasses: “you know, the sex isn’t all that and you’re just average. You’re not worth me going through these changes.”

        Ladies, try it. You will quickly see a cessation in this kind on nonsense.

    • Peter Houlihan says:

      Probably because body hair is associated with testosterone and is therefore “manly” with the opposite being considered more feminine.

      Same goes for things like shoesize, height, muscles etc.

      • Maybe Peter. Could be part of it.

        Perhaps another part is the fetishizing of youth in our culture, especially regarding women. Since pubic hair on comes to girls once they begin to go through puberty. Now I am not saying that men that like shaved bits are sickos. I don’t think that at all. I just think that especially with women, there is an over fetishizing of youth which could play it’s part just as body hair being associated with manly stuff.

        • trey1963 says:

          Or that getting hair in one’s teeth or a hairball in the throat throws off a good oral session? Trimmed and neat, shaved bare are great ….stubble and brillo pads get in the way of giving her pleasure……my hacking up a hairball is not conducive to the build up to a orgasm. The growth in popularity of the “clean” look mirrored the increase in men’s willingness to go down on women.

          • Trey,
            As nice as trimmed and bare are (and I have done both), it does get uncomfortable what with ingrown hairs, the general “pickiness” and itch of the hair growing out, even a little. And honestly, there are some women who don’t look good totally shaved or waxed.
            I would be interested in seeing the study where the ‘clean look” increased men’s willingness to gown on women. For every man who likes the shaved look (which incidently, started in ancient Egypt – prostitutes were required to shave as a symbol of their profession), there is a man who prefers the natural look, or some minor trimming.
            So, I would also ask you…do you shave or trim? Women who perform oral sex for their lovers could make the same complaint regarding ‘hacking up a hairball” (no pun intended).

            • Judy,
              Kept trimmed and neat, Trimmed for her can be as long as an inch or so….though I prefer 1/2 inch or so……I ask for nothing that I am not willing to do for her myself. Razor burned skin with a 1/32nd to 1/8 inch of stubble is about the worst “work surface” around…..I dislike the brushburned lips and face I’ve gotten from it……yet I’ve never turned her away for it…. I have a full bread / mustache and I use conditioner, especially if I just trimmed it and the ends are sharp. I don’t see how asking for the equvalent treatment is too much.

      • Terence Manuel says:


  15. Hank Vandenburgh says:

    Shavers should grow up. Pubic hair rocks. Stubble sucks. In any case, it’s not the partner’s business what she/he has or doesn’t have. (NB Having your ball hair toyed with is a great sensation.) Ask me if I think that there’s some latent pedophilism in shaving.

  16. gabby watts says:

    I think to say, ‘hey, can you do this because I like it?’, is the best approach. To say, ‘You’ll enjoy sex better’, is both a criticism of her current enjoyment of sex and wildly presumptuous! I wouldn’t get a man to do something I wanted by telling him it was really better for him! To me that seems disingenuous, offensive and manipulative.

    Use an honest and simple approach and then live with the consequences. If you hate the bush then break up with her and find a lady with different landscaping. Or live with the bush. Your call. But, don’t say it’ll be better for *her*! That’s just nauseating.

  17. Amanda W says:

    I hate shaving/trimming. It horrible itchy, I get ingrown hairs & I don’t particularly like how it looks. My boyfriend though, is completely against any hair at all. It’s actually caused quite a rift where I really don’t feel like being intimate. I feel ashamed for liking my pubic hair. Any ideas how to come to an agreement? ( I do like to keep the bikini line trimmed)

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      Frankly, this advice can go for men, too, if you want to trim down or wax your pubic hair:

      Personally, I’d go for trimmed down to about 1/8 – 1/4 of an inch then, and shaving the “Bikini line” – for you men, that means the hairs that would stick out of a bikini… Going down to 1/4 of an inch should keep you from getting ingrowns or even itchy.

      Trim it every week or so to keep it really tight. Your boyfriend might get used to it.

      Waxing at a REALLY high-end salon that uses black wax – the kind that sticks to hair and not the skin and doesn’t need a cloth to pull it off. I think it’s called hard wax – might be better than experiences you’ve had in the past. Usually this is facial wax but you can request it for the chocha if you want. It helps some people. Get a scrubby loofah or scrubby cloth for the waxed area, too. Use it every day (after 3 days post-wax). That can help with ingrowns.

      I have to say that bikini laser hair removal is brilliant, but only go to a place where a Registered Nurse does the laser in a very reputable place. Get a package that offers free touch-ups for at least 12 services.

      But that’s expensive.

      So try the 1/8 – 1/4 inch trim method first.

      • I keep it trimmed these days with a beard/mustache trimmer (it was cheaper than the trimmers made for ladies!). My only complaint is that the short hairs are pokey and itchy, although less itchy than razor stubble. When the hairs get longer, they curl over and I don’t even notice them. But at that point,, they are looking jungle-y. Honestly, it’s a pain. I hate this particular fashion trend.

        • Joanna Schroeder says:

          I hear ya, I really do. Personally I find “au natural” to be too itchy. That’s really why it needs to be up to a woman what is comfortable, but taking into account what will turn on her guy.

          My favorite word for a full bush is “Vajungle”

        • trey1963 says:

          Trim with beard trimmer, Then apply hair conditioner in the shower…..I always use conditioner when I’ve trimmed my beard or pubes….in somethings Soft is better…LOL

    • Terence Manuel says:

      “I feel ashamed for liking my pubic hair. Any ideas how to come to an agreement?”

      You should not feel ashamed.Why are you ashamed?

      Your boyfriend is a first class jackass. Why would he want to subject you to such discomfort? Talk about being self centered. And most of these type of guys have little dicks to boot!

      • A person is a jackass for having preferences?

        • It’s one thing to voice a preference it’s another thing completely when you have a partner who now is feeling shame about body hair. I have a preference for men who trim but don’t shave their bits and pieces. I might mention it one time in a comfortable context if I felt he was ok with that discussion. I would never place any partner of mine into a situation where they felt ashamed of their stuff. I can get over my body hair preference. I can’t get over hurting my partner.

    • Amanda W: “My boyfriend though, is completely against any hair at all.”

      For himself as well?

      • Amanda W says:

        Yea, he shaves his area. I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t though. I don’t care either way if my partner is shaven or not. But it’s not for me to be bare.

    • Get rid of him and find someone that loves you.

  18. Tried shaving … horrible itching. Tried waxing… horrible ingrown hairs. Not fun. Imagine sitting with a needle trying to fish out ingrown hairs from 3-4 boils full of pus. In your groin. Weekly. 20 minutes of sexy times just aren’t worth it for me.

  19. As a female I’ve had the discussion about pubic hair in a few different ways. I had one boyfriend who was a fan of the hair. I was a fan of shaving it all off. I let it grow out for him and maintained it like that with the agreement being that when I felt like it was becoming annoying for me I could just shave it off and start over. That worked well for us.

    Ended up leaving him and kind of maintained the same schedule grow/shave. Got with another guy who really had a strong preference for totally shaved. I get stubbly quickly but shaving every day causes me some skin irritation so the agreement we came to is if it was really important for him to have me clean as a whistle either he was going to wax me or he could give me a heads up on sexual stuff and I would go clean it up then. Due to scheduling conflicts this wasn’t someone I saw every day or without scheduling in advance. I also talked to him about his pubic hair as well (and trimming).

    Basically in either case we already had an open line of communication about all things sexual. But there’s a middle ground with these things and a tactful way to put it. Only time I didn’t go along with is was a guy who wanted me to do designs with the pubic hair. I don’t have the time or coordination for that kind of stuff. But we still had the discussion and it ended with him ok with it and understanding. So I guess it depends on how open you and your girl are with each other.

    • I also think it’s important how it’s discussed. I mean, if you throw out some sort of ultimatum, it’s unlikely to go over well. Make sure it’s a discussion, not an order. 🙂

      • Coloradoan says:

        I agree, ultimatums suck! But, I think it’s worth considering… if someone’s not adventurous enough to shave, how much fun are they likely to be?

        • It may not be a case of being adventurous or not. Perhaps the lady concerned has tried trimming before and has decided she doesn’t like it from experience.

    • Terence Manuel says:

      The things women do to satisfy a man.

      I do not like bare. But, that’s me. Psychologically, it is as if I am having sex with a child…..Cannot cope with it. To each his own.

      I wonder what would happen if women started saying to men that unless they had 8 inches, get lost? I just don’t get men requesting this shit. I think it is rooted in porn.


      • Coloradoan says:

        When my sack is shaved, I can feel what a woman’s doing to it. And it feels great! When a woman is shaved, I can go down as long as she’s into it. But to each their own.

      • Peter Houlihan says:

        Some do.

      • I agree with your sentiment wholeheartedly – but the comparison is a little unfair. Men can’t choose the size of their penis, whereas a woman CAN choose whether or not to trim/shave.


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