Ours is a generation completely submerged in the murky waters of digital age. Fathers must continue to provide guidance at all times.
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It is not an understatement to say that the family constitutes the bedrock of the socialization process. The transmission of the social values and norms to the children begins right from home. This is why the father and the mother must first possess the values and norms before they transmit them to their offspring. It is impossible to give what you don’t have.
A family founded on love from where the right values and norms can spread.
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In the early days of life, the child sees the mother as the best friend and closest confidant. At this stage, no love from any other family member surpasses the bonding between a mother and her child. The child mirrors its entire world through the mother. At this point, the father’s role is less apparent to the child. But the father should make himself more visible and caring to the child in a variety of ways. Here are five of such ways.
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1. First demonstrate passionate love for your wife.
The love between you and your wife is the first ingredient that determines whether your family can be considered a suitable medium of transmission of societal values. Otherwise, in the absence of love, your family may well qualify as the bedrock for potential chaos and disaster.
When I say the family is the bedrock for socialization, I mean a family founded on love from where the right values and norms can spread: A family devoid of bitterness and rancor. A family where the husband and wife do not trade or fisticuffs to settle scores. Indeed, a family where the father can play an effective role in his child’s upbringing.
It is never off-kilter for you as the husband to once in a while say to your wife: “Eh honey, can we go out on a date this weekend after a stressful work week you’ve been through?” This obviously rejuvenates your relationship. It is also a sweet reminder of your good old days as lovebirds holding each other’s hands at social events.
2. Consider your children as precious jewels.
Your child is a bundle of joy and a precious jewel. You should treat him/her as such. Always hold your child gingerly in its early life as a jewel of great value. You can even help to change diapers especially at night when your wife is fatigued after a period of breastfeeding. You can cuddle your baby and let him or her feel your warmth as a father. By performing these activities, you are establishing a bond between you and the child. And, guess what, the little child is watching you and taking note.
3. Raising children should be regarded as serious business.
Before you go into any business, one of the fundamental elements to consider in your decision is planning. Without sound planning, the whole business adventure is headed for failure even before take-off. Just as you don’t want your business to fail, so also should you guard against failure for your children.
Both you and your wife must put heads together and plan for the future of the child. The moral upbringing in preparation for formal education should be your joint responsibility. Your moral and financial investment in the child, if properly harnessed, cannot go in vain. It is good investment that will ultimately yield good dividends not only for your family but also for the society as a whole.
4. Do not underestimate the impact of the formative years.
Your contribution to the child’s upbringing at this stage is very crucial. If anything goes wrong with the growth and development of the child in this period mainly between 0-5 years, it will make or mar his/her personality in subsequent stages of life. This is why the relationship between you and your wife at this crucial period should be free of animosity and all forms of negativity.
For instance, if you are the kind of husband who usually engages in shouting matches with your wife, you are creating a chaotic environment for your child. The child might grow up to develop an aggressive personality. Rather than allow petty squabbles to impinge on your peaceful home, make conscious effort to be a good role model for your kids when they are still young and malleable. Teach your kids the virtues of patience, humility, respect, and tolerance.
You should always make sure your behavior toward your wife is one that reflects all the above-mentioned virtues. Your character will definitely rub off on your kids as they grow up. The type of foundation you lay for the kids in terms of moral education is what the school as the next agent of socialization builds upon.
5. Get more involved in their life during young adulthood.
You and your wife in collaboration with the school have tried to ensure that these kids are well molded in their formative years. Now is the time for you to even get more engaged in their overall training. They are now adolescents or young adults, which means more responsibility for you including closer monitoring of their activities.
Ours is a generation completely submerged in the murky waters of digital age.
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At this stage, all kinds of forces in the society are contending to wrench control of their hearts and minds. A combination social media, the internet, violent movies, gun violence, street violence, etc. has both negative and positive influence on the kids.
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You neither have control over most of these forces nor have the ability to play the roles of other agents of socialization. Yet since these kids spend the greater part of the day at home with you and their mom, you must not relent in your effort to instill the appropriate values, beliefs and attitudes in them. As a father myself, I know it is tough to provide corrective discipline for our youth.
Ours is a generation completely submerged in the murky waters of the digital age. But fathers must continue to provide guidance at all times. Perhaps with our persistence, glimmers of hope will shine through for a better tomorrow.
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Photo: Flickr/ Ted McGrath