The fear of being labeled, missing out, or being alone weren’t as powerful as the desire to have someone to share his burrito with.
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It’s a classic horror story that rivals that of Nightmare on Elm Street or Bambi (that movie is terrifying). Of course, I’m referring to commitment. I know, a word so cringe-worthy you may have very well just made a face as if you were eating a marshmallow jellybean. I, too, used to feel the same.
Yup, besides the serious girlfriend I had back in 4th grade (btw I don’t think we ever technically broke up so, hey!) this guy over here has been like a red cup. Solo.
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Commitment to me was like doing laundry. I talked about it, but it seemed too overwhelming to actually want to do. Plus, I’d rather just sit on the couch and watch TV. Yup, besides the serious girlfriend I had back in 4th grade (btw I don’t think we ever technically broke up so, hey!) this guy over here has been like a red cup. Solo. Bam. See what I did there? Words.
It wasn’t necessarily that I was an asshole, I think I just watched ten too many episodes of “Entourage.” OK, so yeah, I was probably an asshole. Self-realization is cool!
Whatever the reason, the result was that I had trouble even committing to a Pandora station. Summer hits of the 90’s? Justin Timberlake deep cuts? Hall & Oats radio? I mean, come on, it’s impossible to choose. Impossible. And then Netflix was invented. Oh boy was it invented. So many options. So many possibilities. This wasn’t doing me any favors.
No, I never used to be the “relationship” guy. Which is shocking because now I’m the semi-nice Jewish boy who has offers flying in to be the face of Manischewitz. That’s actually not true, but maybe their spokespeople will read this and reach out. Sup Manischewitz?
I think in high school I introduced my girlfriend to my family as my, “friend who is a girl who I sometimes kiss and who I care about but like you know ok c ya around.”
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I’m a big proponent when it comes to self-awareness. I never used to be because I once wore a turtleneck to school, but now I am. For this reason, I have no problem looking back upon my experiences in order to grow and learn — to become a better person. When dissecting the causation of my commitment hesitancy, some overarching patterns emerged.
For one, I was scared of labels. I can admit that now. I think in high school I introduced my girlfriend to my family as my, “friend who is a girl who I sometimes kiss and who I care about but like you know ok c ya around.” My fear of labels started at an early age when I bought a box of Crunch Berries, but when I opened it, it was just Cap’n Crunch. Please send your thoughts and prayers.
Equally playing a role was my intense FOMO. God it was so bad. I now laugh at my high school self for wanting to actually be around people. The truth was, I was childish. I sacrificed relationships because I wanted to be with my friends (they were pretty cool though they played football so understandable), I didn’t want to miss out on anything that was going to be talked about around the water fountain come Monday morning.
It just took me a while to realize the value of having someone by my side, and possibly my own value as well.
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While I rarely felt comfortable enough to take the next step, I wouldn’t have considered myself a “player” either. Mostly because I said things like, “Did you catch that episode of “Real World” last night?” or “I’m probably just going to eat ice cream for lunch today.” So yeah 100 percent was not a player. It just took me a while to realize the value of having someone by my side, and possibly my own value as well. While some people are destined for relationships from the womb (you know the people you see on your Facebook feed), for others, like myself, it takes longer to buy into that thought.
So what made me change my mind? Cheesy romantic comedies, sure. Also, not having a plus one at events such as, but not limited to weddings. That sucks. Not fun. Additionally, I got over the fear of coodies, which I’m pretty excited about. That helped. But I also stopped getting inside my own head so much. I stopped analyzing every single outcome and instead started living in the moment. I accepted my own flaws in an effort to celebrate those of others and I stopped worrying about what other people thought.
(Wanted to insert a Drake lyric here FYI)
And while all of those reasons are well and good, ultimately, it comes down to the concept that maybe life, in fact, is better spent when you have someone to share your Chipotle burrito with. (Haha jk never sharing.)
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Photo: Getty Images
Holy cow! Who is this Jon Savitt guy? This guys just makes joke after joke after poignant observation of modern manhood after joke. It’s almost like he’s writing about my own plight from the future somehow, does that make sense? It is clear that this guy needs to be writing comedy for the small screen or at least the very small screen (youtube sitcom?) I think anything’s possible.